If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist. When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts and start eating everybody. That Alien!

I think I look very healthy. You've already seen what I've eaten, so I couldn't be anorexic, and I wouldn't throw up if you paid me $1,000, so I'm not bulimic. Okay, for $1,000 I would stick my finger down my throat, but throwing up is the worst thing in the world.

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.