Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.

I respect your right to hold your religious beliefs, and if they help you, I think that's great. I would, however, like to inform you that you are a raving kook.

If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.

A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends.

Someone once told me, "I know he's married, but I can't choose who I fall in love with." Perhaps so, but you can choose what you do about it... It's the difference between selfishness & self-respect.

Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.