[talking about his new wife, Laura]
Angus the Groom: Ignore her. She's drunk. At least I hope she is. Otherwise I'm in real trouble.

I always just hoped that, that I'd meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, then pop the question and... um... settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce and all that!

Fiona: Where's Gareth?
Matthew: Torturing Americans.
Fiona: How thoughtful of him.

Tom: The great advantage of having a reputation for being stupid: People are less suspicious of you.

too much morality, too little sense.

It's funny. He's talking to a guy who's got a recorder on him.