That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.

Marge, old people don't need companionship, they need to be isolated and studied to see what useful nutrients can be obtained from them...

I always enjoyed writing. I did playlets in high school, I did radio shows in college. That's one of the reasons I went down to Second City, because you could do acting and writing.

No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.