The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal consistency of the women who love me.

Morality consists in suspecting other people of not being legally married

In a novel, the hero can lay ten girls and marry a virgin for the finish. In a movie, that is not allowed. The villain can lay anybody he wants, have as much fun and as he wants cheating, stealing, getting rich, and whipping servants. But you have to shoot him in the end.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

A survey found that ten percent of those questioned thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife...

I never married. Nobody ever asked me.