The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.

What's the difference between a cat and a flea? Cats can have fleas, but fleas can't have cats.

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.

How do you stop a cat from scratching your furniture? Give her scratch and win lotto tickets.

When we go to seafood restaurants I tell them 'Just water for me, thanks.' - Fish