The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people... I do... I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get past around a minute, minute-and-a-half, I gotta get the f*** outta there.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.