The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband being big enough to keep his mouth shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong.

An octopus has eight testicles.

In response to a ridiculous statement by Edith: " I've gotta quote for you, Edith. --'A bird that always flies in the fog is called a dingbat.' "

Man was put on this earth to eat meat...The Bible says so dumbbell...I mean look it up will ya? All them old bible peoples, they was always eating meet; soon as they found out eating apples was wrong...It's true, on special occasions: goats and lambs. Who the hell ever hear of sacrificing a head of lettuce? You?

All in the Family

Crowtins? What the hell are crowtins? (looking at Edith's grocery list: croutons)