The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

You called her Kitten? And she let you? She put me in a coma for three days when I
called her that! My balls never recovered from her smashing them into my spine!

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Were it not for frustration and humiliation
I suppose the human race would get ideas above its station.

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind, But it is very difficult to treat because it cannot even be defined, Because everything is not gold that glisters and everything is not a tear that glistens, And one man's remorse is another man's reminiscence

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.