There is no off position on the genius switch.

They have demonstrated superb taste by giving me my own show and it's humbling that they recognize my unequaled genius.

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney.

Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family.

There is no off switch on a tiger