They looked at each other like a pair of parentheses.


Daniel Handler

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And then,...
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He said he loved me,” she whispered.

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A Ritual to Read to Each Other


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I was looking for something more personal and more stable and more fun.
DAN HANDLER
The next step for me is not 'The Tonight Show.' That's a job for Jimmy Fallon. I'm w...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I love Sandra Bullock. I think everybody loves her.
CHELSEA HANDLER
I’m a murderer, Ted! I’m a murderer. A dog murderer! I’m just like Phil Spector minus the musi...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I hated Big. I hated everything about him and this story line. First of all, it didn’t make any se...
CHELSEA HANDLER
In true Ted form, he was not in on the joke, which is basically the foundation of our relationship. ...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I wanted to kick Bruce in the taint. No one is just one thing. Many things contribute to the whole o...
CHELSEA HANDLER
There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even wo...
CHELSEA HANDLER
What about your constitutional right to bear arms, you say. I would simply point out that you don’...
CHELSEA HANDLER
It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choos...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I've found that many of the people who have a passion for karaoke too often have misplaced confidenc...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.
CHELSEA HANDLER
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single do...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I had heard my brothers and sisters use curse words but had never dared use one myself in front of a...
CHELSEA HANDLER
There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?&...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I like being able to, you know, pack up and leave the country and hop on a plane and go wherever I w...
CHELSEA HANDLER
People are following me because they want to see pictures of me. So why is Instagram editing them?
CHELSEA HANDLER
I don't think I'm a good host. I'm not a good host. I'm terrible at hosting. That...
CHELSEA HANDLER
We women have to stick together.
CHELSEA HANDLER
I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were...
CHELSEA HANDLER
There's a difference between racism and people making a joke about something. There is true raci...
CHELSEA HANDLER
There are times I felt insecure or not sure: I'm unsure of myself, or I get nervous, but nerves ...
CHELSEA HANDLER
If you're really looking to hurt somebody's feelings, just break up with them.
CHELSEA HANDLER
I love your personality," I said with wide eyes and an open smile. I had used this look before when ...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous...
CHELSEA HANDLER
He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defendin...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood and probably themselves will not be...
DANIEL BURNHAM
Smart phones and social media expand our universe. We can connect with others or collect information...
DANIEL GOLEMAN
A cook never knows if the dish he perfected for hours was described properly or if a guest even like...
DANIEL HUMM
Soon after, I returned home to my family, with a determination to bring them as soon as possible to ...
DANIEL BOONE
Even if you are vegetarian, you do want to have a stuffing for Thanksgiving. The stuffing is not so ...
DANIEL HUMM
Everyone comes to live in New York because they want to achieve something, and for that reason, ther...
DANIEL HUMM
I think New York is truly unique in its singular combination of the quality of both the talent it at...
DANIEL HUMM
I've been playing sports since I was five. For me, there's no happier moment than when I'...
DANIEL HUMM
You've got to listen to your guests.
DANIEL HUMM
Just as food is a craft, great service is, too. It can take years to perfect the technical aspects o...
DANIEL HUMM
If you are working with high quality products, you can elevate the flavors more by cooking it at a l...
DANIEL HUMM
I have fond memories from growing up in Switzerland and drinking a glass of warm milk with a spoonfu...
DANIEL HUMM
The perfect ham and cheese sandwich is all about focusing on quality ingredients and about simple te...
DANIEL HUMM
What people don't think about when they think about New York is this amazing farmland that grows...
DANIEL HUMM
I have fallen in love with granola, in life and at work. I exercise every morning, and then I have a...
DANIEL HUMM
I'm from Switzerland, so I grew up with great chocolate.
DANIEL HUMM
A cookbook is a moment in time because, otherwise, you look back at the end of the day, and all the ...
DANIEL HUMM
History has long had a wall up between the kitchen and the dining room. Front of house, back of hous...
DANIEL HUMM
Passion for what you do is essential to success in any profession. That passion naturally keeps you ...
DANIEL HUMM
My wife is from Chicago, and every time we go, I just love it. I love the restaurant scene, and peop...
DANIEL HUMM
I try to run so I can eat anything I want. I feel it's a luxury to be able to splurge on somethi...
DANIEL HUMM