They take the paper and they read the headlines, so they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread lines, and they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Were it not for frustration and humiliation
I suppose the human race would get ideas above its station.

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind, But it is very difficult to treat because it cannot even be defined, Because everything is not gold that glisters and everything is not a tear that glistens, And one man's remorse is another man's reminiscence

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them