Anonymous quote: "This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.<br /><br />Deuteronomy 30:19-20 (NIV)"

Animals are human just like us in a different shape and form so do not abuse them.
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You don't have to touch someone to love them, It's not in the kiss, It's in the times you don't kiss...
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Glory be to Him who changes others and remains Himself unchanged!
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Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone one who loves is born of God an...
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May the God who gives endurance and encouragement
give you a spirit of unity among yourselves ...
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Some men are born with cold feet; some acquire cold feet; and some have cold feet thrust upon them.
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Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can be...
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Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.
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Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
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Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what y...
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Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...
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Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
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It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.
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He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
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All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult.
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A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do yo...
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A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.
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Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.
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Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...b...
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Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her o...
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family d...
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The most expensive wedding usually ends with the quickest divorce.
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Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
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Leadership is the ability to hide your panic from others.
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An expert knows all the answers -- if you ask the right questions.
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Time cuts down all, Both great and small.
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Few cases of eyestrain have been developed by looking on the bright side of things.
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Be an optimist -- at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral.
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Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell. •Anonymous Many an o...
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Some of the smallest situations are the biggest to some people.
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Man endures pain as an undeserved punishment; woman accepts it as a natural heritage.
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Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don't succeed, try another way. For eve...
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Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea.
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Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
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A friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart, chaff and grain alike. Knowin...
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Friendship is a living thing that lasts only as long as it is nourished with kindness, empathy and u...
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She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.
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many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting; but a ...
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Lady Wisdom will be your close friend; and Brother Knowledge will be your pleasant companion.
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When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
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It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
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Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances.
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Happiness is possible only when one is busy. The body must toil, the mind must be occupied, and the ...
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Happiness is like jam. You can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself.
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Happiness is the overcoming of not unknown obstacles toward a known goal.
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Happiness seems to be the result of something happening — inactivity is not very exhilarating.
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Happiness is not pleasure, it's victory.
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Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
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Happiness is the art of never holding in your mind the memory of any unpleasant thing that has passe...
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Happiness is not given but exchanged.
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Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude. It comes f...
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If happiness could be brought, few of us could pay the price.
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Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your a...
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So live that your memories will be part of your happiness.
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Happiness consists in activity; such as the constitution of our nature; it is a running stream, and ...
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Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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Happiness is not always measured in smiles.
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Happiness lies in our own backyard, but it's probably well hidden by crabgrass.
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Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
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Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle ...
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Faith is like electricity. You can't see it, but you can see the light.
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To reprove small faults within due vehemence, is as absurd as if a man should take a great hammer to...
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My friend, why have you drifted so far away? All motion is relative, maybe it is you who have moved ...
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The happiest business in all the world is that of making friends, And no investment on the street pa...
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Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.
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Remember that the faith that moves mountains always carries a pick.
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When you laugh, be sure to laugh at what people do and not at what people are.
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The sound of a kiss is much softer than that of a cannon - but it's echo lasts a great deal longer.
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Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding i...
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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When life throws a lemon at you, you throw it straight back at life and miss completely. That's my l...
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Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.
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Aging is a matter of mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
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I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, ...
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تبسمك في وجه أخيك صدقة، وأمرك بالمعروف صدقة ونهيك عن ال...
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The first men to be created and formed were called the Sorcerer of Fatal Laughter, the Sorcerer of N...
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Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you...
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And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for ...
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Anyone who is having troubles should pray. Anyone who is happy should sing praises. Anyone who is si...
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I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
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Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
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Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more.
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If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
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Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
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I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?
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My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
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If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.
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Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
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It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too,...
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One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less t...
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The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
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In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.
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How do you get a Kleenex to dance?
Put a little boogy in it!
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For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.
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Why does Chuck Norris' calendar go directly from March 31 to April 2nd? Nobody fools Chuck Norris!
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I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
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Stop the earth from spinning, I want to get off!
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If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
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The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.
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Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of...
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Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I ...
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Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.
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Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.
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My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.
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Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
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Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
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When there's a will, I want to be in it.
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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
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When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
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As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
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When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my ...
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Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.
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What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
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I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.
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Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
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I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
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Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
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Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
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Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!
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I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.
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My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too ...
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Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.
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I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
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People think.....
I'm skinny, but I'm really chunky.
I'm cheap, but I'm really thrifty. ANONYMOUS

I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. T...
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I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.
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Chuck Norris is so amazing he can:

Light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.<...
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Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time a...
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He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this ...
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I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.
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I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
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Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart.
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Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.
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It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are?
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Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some yo...
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Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're...
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Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
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I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
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How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
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My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museu...
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Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake.
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What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
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I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
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There was a robot invented in China that catches thieves. In Australia it caught 10 thieves, in Ame...
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I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
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How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
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Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
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Smile while you still have teeth.
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Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.
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After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
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Funny sign at health spa: Fresh 10,000 year old mud for sale.
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I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
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I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
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True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true.
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Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms.
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Is it good if a blow dryer blows?
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Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
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Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
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Never judge a book by it's movie
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I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my ...
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When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
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Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
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If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your sm...
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My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
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I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
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Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast...
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I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close ...
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Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted ...
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Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
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Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.
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I'm not really a control freak, but... can I show the right way to do that?
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A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
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I once finished first on my running team, then the coach asked me where everyone else is.
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Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
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Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
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Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.
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Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.
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I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.
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The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people al...
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I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.
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The amount of time it takes for a minute to go by is proportionally dependent with the distance to t...
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Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to sco...
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I can't wait for that to never happen.
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I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.
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Sports top moment: to score a goal but miss in the re-play.
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Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.
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Rudeness top moment: to scare an ostrich on an asphalt street.
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I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.
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Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast.
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Beauty is mysterious as well as terrible.
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An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.
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My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
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Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.
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You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar.
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Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
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It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase al...
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If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patte...
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Whenever you feel stupid, remember that there are people outside searching for Pokemon.
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