FastSaying

Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job or Kenny's dad would be a millionare!


Eric Cartman

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UNKNOWN I mulled over what he had told me as I savored the Scotch. Not bad, really — like a beer that’s ...
DAVID JUSTICE Eric gave us a good game tonight. He did a good job.
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Folks tend to confuse both.
The right way i...
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CHARLAINE HARRIS Anyway Kenny, Yellow MegaMan is only $8.95, so maybe your mom can put it on layaway and make payment...
ERIC CARTMAN Ok That's it, Talking Poo is where I draw the line.
ERIC CARTMAN Screw you guys, I'm going home
ERIC CARTMAN Mom, can I have some pie?
ERIC CARTMAN Yeah hippie, go back to Woodstock if you don't want to shoot anything.
ERIC CARTMAN Hippies, hippies... they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play frisbee!
ERIC CARTMAN Hey, I ain't fat, I'm just big-boned.
ERIC CARTMAN If some sissy chick tried to kick my ass I would say hey, missy, go knit me a sweater before I slap ...
ERIC CARTMAN Well I looked in my moms closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an ultravibe pleasure 2000...
ERIC CARTMAN Why does this happen every month? It seems like right about the same time every month, Kyle's mom ge...
ERIC CARTMAN Kenny's family is so poor that yesterday, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortga...
ERIC CARTMAN I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ...
ERIC CARTMAN Too bad. If [these games] were on regular TV, I think a lot more people would be interested.
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'Supposing it didn't,' said Pooh...
A.A. MILNE How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.
EVANS G. VALENS By the side of the everlasting Why there is a Yes--a transitory Yes if you like, but a Yes.
E.M. FORSTER I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We m...
ELIE WIESEL It's funny, you know, they're always telling me to be a man, take it like a man, act like a man, lik...
CATHERYNNE M. VALENTE Drexler has done a brilliant job there, and very quickly. Too bad Tommy didn't get Mickey Drexler.
ROBIN LEWIS stop looking for job, create one.
SOTONYE ANGA I keep trying to imagine a universe in which too many public figures declaring themselves feminists ...
ROXANE GAY I wasn't confident there would be a lot of the public, ... It's too bad because it is such a great i...
JENNIFER OWEN It is always difficult for an emotional person to choose an option between the job and the business ...
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W. EUGENE SMITH Most of us think we're too busy or too important to rest for a day.
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ANDREA CORR And that's too bad whether you're a liberal or conservative.
CHARLES PALMER If you're losing, just be a man; be a man and lose as a man.
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JILL SCOTT I wonder which one's worse.. "You're too good to be true" or "You're too bad to be... false" ?
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ARIANNA HUFFINGTON Do you want to be a man of today or a man of tomorrow?
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APURVA GAGLANI and the girl and I get into her car and drive off into the hills and we go to her room and I take of...
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ALAN SUGAR People are paying $30,000 or $40,000 for a used tire that if it was new would cost $20,000.
BRIAN HEWITT Scotch whisky bring out a real you.
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TOMMY DOUGLAS

More Eric Cartman

Anyway Kenny, Yellow MegaMan is only $8.95, so maybe your mom can put it on layaway and make payment...
ERIC CARTMAN Ok That's it, Talking Poo is where I draw the line.
ERIC CARTMAN Screw you guys, I'm going home
ERIC CARTMAN Mom, can I have some pie?
ERIC CARTMAN Yeah hippie, go back to Woodstock if you don't want to shoot anything.
ERIC CARTMAN Hippies, hippies... they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play frisbee!
ERIC CARTMAN Hey, I ain't fat, I'm just big-boned.
ERIC CARTMAN If some sissy chick tried to kick my ass I would say hey, missy, go knit me a sweater before I slap ...
ERIC CARTMAN Well I looked in my moms closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an ultravibe pleasure 2000...
ERIC CARTMAN Why does this happen every month? It seems like right about the same time every month, Kyle's mom ge...
ERIC CARTMAN Kenny's family is so poor that yesterday, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortga...
ERIC CARTMAN I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ...
ERIC CARTMAN Drugs are bad because if you do drugs you're a hippie and hippies suck.
CARTMAN, SOUTH PARK You constantly hear about voter fraud... but you don't see huge amounts of vote fraud out there.
ERIC HOLDER We must never stop fighting for a vision of American democracy in which we strive for and encourage ...
ERIC SCHNEIDERMAN Children are the keys of paradise.
ERIC HOFFER It is easier to love humanity as a whole than to love one's neighbor.
ERIC HOFFER Creativity is the ability to introduce order into the randomness of nature.
ERIC HOFFER Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy - the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and ...
ERIC HOFFER The only way to predict the future is to have power to shape the future.
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ERIC HOFFER The beginning of thought is in disagreement - not only with others but also with ourselves.
ERIC HOFFER We feel free when we escape - even if it be but from the frying pan to the fire.
ERIC HOFFER We are least open to precise knowledge concerning the things we are most vehement about.
ERIC HOFFER One of the things I learned is that you've got to deal with the underlying social problems if yo...
ERIC HOLDER I've been hearing this since I first joined the Reds organization, that I'm going to be the ...
ERIC DAVIS I can understand why a single parent, working two jobs, would find it easier to stop at McDonald'...
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ERIC BUTTERWORTH Consultant: any ordinary guy more than fifty miles from home.
ERIC SEVAREID If you sequence a cancerous tumor, you should be able to tailor the therapy according to the root ca...
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ERIC KANDEL I want to be remembered for my poop jokes. Those are the most important kind.
ERIC ANDRE A loser doesn't know what he'll do if he loses, but talks about what he'll do if he wins...
ERIC BERNE Google was founded to get information to everybody. A by-product of that strategy is that we invente...
ERIC SCHMIDT When someone makes a claim against the state, that person must legally verify that the facts in the ...
ERIC SCHNEIDERMAN Though this nation has proudly thought of itself as an ethnic melting pot, in things racial we have ...
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ERIC DANE It takes a lot of energy to be negative. You have to work at it. But smiling is painless. I'd ra...
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ERIC LIU I am a Buddhist, therefore I should not be collecting anything - however, I have a collection of Bud...
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ERIC ANDRE Why my interest in writers? Well, I'm one, and many of my friends are writers. I know what it...
ERIC BROWN When Bryan Price taught me how to throw a changeup, he made me see myself. All my life, I've bee...
ERIC LIU I have two bowls of confidence for breakfast each morning.
ERIC BRISTOW If you are going to make a change, make it big and bold. Walk up to the biggest guy on the block, st...
ERIC SHINSEKI With breathtaking rapidity, we are destroying all that was lovely to look at and turning America int...
ERIC SEVAREID You know, you grow up with the image of John Travolta being super cool - 'Saturday Night Fever,&...
ERIC STOLTZ The nature of a society is largely determined by the direction in which talent and ambition flowby t...
ERIC HOFFER The compulsion to take ourselves seriously is in inverse proportion to our creative capacity. When t...
ERIC HOFFER How much easier is self-sacrifice than self-realization!
ERIC HOFFER There is probably an element of malice in the readiness to overestimate people; we are laying up for...
ERIC HOFFER It is loneliness that makes the loudest noise. This is as true of men as of dogs.
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ERIC STONESTREET At Tenafly High, I was lucky to have some dedicated teachers; I'm especially indebted to my calc...
ERIC MASKIN If your goal is to make money, becoming an entrepreneur is a sucker's bet. Sure, some entreprene...
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ERIC MCCORMACK Great businessmen are creators.
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ERIC DICKERSON Within that dream of working with your partner, you want to be able to separate and have a home life...
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ERIC HOFFER Anything and everything, physical or otherwise, is defined by its absence.
ERIC PARSLOW Life is the dynamic, creative edge of reality.
ERIC PARSLOW Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind. -Eric Hoffer.
ERIC HOFFER The bigger the information media, the less courage and freedom they follow. Bigness means weakness.
ERIC SEVAREID The bigger the information media, the less courage and freedom they allow. Bigness means weakness.
ERIC SEVAREID One of the marks of a truly vigorous society is the ability to dispense with passion as a midwife of...
ERIC HOFFER The link between ideas and action is rarely direct. There is almost always an intermediate step in w...
ERIC HOFFER Remembering​ ​is​ ​something​ ​God​ ​asks​ ​us​ ​to​ ​do​ ​over​ �...
ERIC IRIVUZUMUGABE Death has but one terror, that it has no tomorrow.
ERIC HOFFER The most gifted members of the human species are at their creative best when they cannot have their ...
ERIC HOFFER The technique of a mass movement aims to infect people with a malady and then offer the movement as ...
ERIC HOFFER Laughter to begin with was probably glee at the misfortunes of others. The baring of the teeth in l...
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ERIC HOFFER Lack of sensitivity is perhaps basically an unawareness of ourselves.
ERIC HOFFER Language was invented to ask questions. Answers may be given by grunts and gestures, but questions ...
ERIC HOFFER The fact is that up to now a free society has not been good for the intellectual. It has neither ac...
ERIC HOFFER As I railed on and on, I became increasingly energied and excited by my own misery and misanthropy u...
ERIC WEINER For the skeptic there remains only one consolation: if there should be such a thing as superhuman ...
ERIC AMBLER Geniuses are always marginalized to one degree or another. Someone wholly invested in the status quo...
ERIC WEINER It's my duty as a human being to be pissed off
ERIC BOGOSIAN I know what I want to hear. I want to hear the "Believe it or Not" song. I want to play that shit lo...
ERIC SPITZNAGEL The chief cause of problems is solutions.
ERIC SEVAREID When we believe ourselves in possession of the only truth, we are likely to be indifferent to common...
ERIC HOFFER Power corrupts the few, while weakness corrupts the many. The resentment of the weak does not spring...
ERIC HOFFER Our sense of power is more vivid when we break a man's spirit than when we win his heart. For we can...
ERIC HOFFER Freedom means freedom from forces and circumstances which would turn man into a thing, which would i...
ERIC HOFFER To the excessively fearful the chief characteristic of power is its arbitrariness. Man had to gain e...
ERIC HOFFER For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be....
ERIC ROTH The moment a little boy is concerned with which is a jay and which is a sparrow, he can no longer se...
ERIC BERNE It is a well known fact that Abraham Lincoln spent much of his spare time visiting wounded soldiers ...
ERIC FONER Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn'...
ERIC IDLE Nationalist pride, like other variants of pride, can be a substitute for self-respect.
ERIC HOFFER It is the stretched soul that makes music, and souls are stretched by the pull of opposites --opposi...
ERIC HOFFER There is in most passions a shrinking away from ourselves. The passionate pursuer has all the earmar...
ERIC HOFFER The passion to get ahead is sometimes born of the fear lest we be left behind.
ERIC HOFFER It sometimes seems that intense desire creates not only its own opportunities, but its own talents.
ERIC HOFFER It still holds true that man is most uniquely human when he turns obstacles into opportunities.
ERIC HOFFER It is easier to love humanity as a whole than to love one's neighbor.
ERIC HOFFER Nature is a self-made machine, more perfectly automated than any automated machine. To create someth...
ERIC HOFFER Lightning is the shorthand of a storm, and tells of chaos.
ERIC MACKAY The real persuaders are our appetites, our fears and above all our vanity. The skillful propagandist...
ERIC HOFFER It is the individual only who is timeless. Societies, cultures, and civilizations -- past and presen...
ERIC HOFFER Naivete in grownups is often charming; but when coupled with vanity it is indistinguishable from stu...
ERIC HOFFER An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anyth...
ERIC HOFFER Self-esteem and self-contempt have specific odors; they can be smelled.
ERIC HOFFER No matter what our achievements might be, we think well of ourselves only in rare moments. We need p...
ERIC HOFFER One of the best things to do sometimes is simply to be.
ERIC BUTTERWORTH The remarkable thing is that it is the crowded life that is most easily remembered. A life full of t...
ERIC HOFFER In a time of drastic change it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find them...
ERIC HOFFER I loved learning, it was school I hated. I used to cut school to go learn something.
ERIC JENSEN It would be difficult to exaggerate the degree to which we are influenced by those we influence.
ERIC HOFFER Animals often strike us as passionate machines.
ERIC HOFFER The superficiality of the American is the result of his hustling. It needs leisure to think things o...
ERIC HOFFER The less justified a man is in claiming excellence for his own self, the more ready he is to claim a...
ERIC HOFFER We do not really feel grateful toward those who make our dreams come true; they ruin our dreams.
ERIC HOFFER You've got to create a dream. You've got to uphold the dream. If you can't, go back to the factory o...
ERIC BURDON If you think you can do it, you can.
ERIC LINDROS Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy -- the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and...
ERIC HOFFER Our credulity is greatest concerning the things we know least about. And since we know least about o...
ERIC HOFFER The effectiveness of a doctrine does not come from its meaning but from its certitude. No doctrine h...
ERIC HOFFER Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change.
GOLNIK ERIC We don't change what we are, we change what we think what we are.
ERIC BUTTERWORTH A grievance is most poignant when almost redressed.
ERIC HOFFER There is perhaps no more reliable indicator of a society's ripeness for a mass movement than the pre...
ERIC HOFFER The self-styled intellectual who is impotent with pen and ink hungers to write history with sword an...
ERIC HOFFER We can never really be prepared for that which is wholly new. We have to adjust ourselves, and every...
ERIC HOFFER Competing with an other is exhilarating, challenging, and healthy. That is what Games are for. When...
ERIC PARSLOW A successful social technique consists perhaps in finding unobjectionable means for individual self-...
ERIC HOFFER Absence of communication between necessarily linked parties ensures eventual conflict.
ERIC PARSLOW The notion of implied meaning is the root of misunderstanding.
ERIC PARSLOW To spell out the obvious is often to call it in question.
ERIC HOFFER We never say so much as when we do not quite know what we want to say. We need few words when we hav...
ERIC HOFFER To become different from what we are, we must have some awareness of what we are.
ERIC HOFFER The well adjusted make poor prophets. A pleasant existence blinds us to the possibilities of drastic...
ERIC HOFFER Art is skill, that is the first meaning of the word.
ERIC GILL Prosperity is not just having things. It is the consciousness that attracts the things. Prosperity i...
ERIC BUTTERWORTH Man is the only creature that strives to surpass himself, and yearns for the impossible.
ERIC HOFFER The suspicious mind believes more than it doubts. It believes in a formidable and ineradicable evil ...
ERIC HOFFER Dissipation is a form of self-sacrifice.
ERIC HOFFER Nothing stops the man who desires to achieve. Every obstacle is simply a course to develop his achie...
ERIC BUTTERWORTH A decision without the pressure of consequence is hardly a decision at all.
ERIC LANGMUIR. When being dishonest, people can still tell the truth. Be mindful of the treacherous that do not lie...
ERIC PARSLOW Those in possession of absolute power can not only prophesy and make their prophecies come true, but...
ERIC HOFFER We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.
ERIC HOFFER Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power.
ERIC HOFFER There is no such thing as a lack of faith. We all have plenty of faith, it's just that we have faith...
ERIC BUTTERWORTH They who lack talent expect things to happen without effort. They ascribe failure to a lack of inspi...
ERIC HOFFER There is no loneliness greater than the loneliness of a failure. The failure is a stranger in his ow...
ERIC HOFFER Facts are counterrevolutionary.
ERIC HOFFER Where you are in consciousness has everything to do with what you see in experience.
ERIC BUTTERWORTH Substantive abandonment of convention is evidence of mastery.
ERIC PARSLOW It is remarkable by how much a pinch of malice enhances the penetrating power of an idea or an opini...
ERIC HOFFER A great man's greatest good luck is to die at the right time.
ERIC HOFFER Man was nature's mistake --she neglected to finish him -- and she has never ceased paying for her mi...
ERIC HOFFER Truth and honesty are quite different. What a person believes to be true always follows when honesty...
ERIC PARSLOW The game of history is usually played by the best and the worst over the heads of the majority in th...
ERIC HOFFER It is by its promise of a sense of power that evil often attracts the weak.
ERIC HOFFER Evil, and evil spirits, devils and devil possession, are the outgrowth of man's inadequate conscious...
ERIC BUTTERWORTH The one thing that a fish can never find is water; and the one thing that man can never find is God.
ERIC BUTTERWORTH God can only do for you what He can do through you.
ERIC BUTTERWORTH Fundamentalists believe Jesus was God becoming man. I believe that Jesus was man becoming God.
ERIC BUTTERWORTH You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
ERIC HOFFER Fear comes from uncertainty. When we are absolutely certain, whether of our worth or worthlessness, ...
ERIC HOFFER The birth of the new constitutes a crisis, and its mastery calls for a crude and simple cast of mind...
ERIC HOFFER To the old, the new is usually bad news.
ERIC HOFFER The fear of becoming a 'has-been' keeps some people from becoming anything.
ERIC HOFFER There is sublime thieving in all giving. Someone gives us all he has and we are his.
ERIC HOFFER Our present addiction to pollsters and forecasters is a symptom of our chronic uncertainty about the...
ERIC HOFFER To make of human affairs a coherent, precise, predictable whole one must ignore or suppress man as h...
ERIC HOFFER The basic test of freedom is perhaps less in what we are free to do than in what we are free not to ...
ERIC HOFFER There can be no real freedom without the freedom to fail.
ERIC HOFFER