Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, so. What did you think?
Steven Wright
Related Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ... STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ... STEVEN WRIGHT I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES Men have looked away from themselves and at things so long that they have come to esteem the religio... RALPH WALDO EMERSON For a moment the two of them looked at each other, wordless, as if they were asleep and their dreams... ROBERTO BOLAñO When two people love each other, they don't look at each other, they look in the same direction GINGER ROGERS They both looked into each other's eyes for one last time and turned their back on each other and st... AKSHAY VASU We waved the press pass, and they looked at each other, the two guards, and waved us on in. HANS BUDER They are very healthy. Yes, they were sucking and breathing on their own and everything when they ca... CHERYL TIEGS Two men went into a diner and sat down at the counter. They ordered two sodas, took sandwiches out o... UNKNOWN We live next to each other and we've always worked at the same place, but we never did get pregnant ... SANDY STRICKLAND Unlike most promotions, what makes this fight so compelling is these two guys hate each other. That'... JOE DEGUARDIA Both sides so blinded by their fear and hate of each other that they couldn't see they were all figh... BROM They looked at each other, baffled, in love and hate. WILLIAM GOLDING By coincidence, they look like one another - same height, same look, and their families are from the... CHARLES HOLMES I believe ... that Andrew Cunanan did have the acquaintance of Gianni Versace, ... I don't believe t... MAUREEN ORTH Radio for years and years looked at the same pool of talent. I always believed there were other peop... SCOTT GREENSTEIN My friend and I looked at each other as we got on and said, 'Brakes,' because we smelled them. It wa... ERIC POE They were both at such an age that they stood on a cusp. They could think in one part of their minds... CHARLES FRAZIER Culture makes people understand each other better. And if they understand each other better in their... PAULO COELHO It was amazing. You had two huge crowds on the same night. You'd think they'd take away from each ot... JAMIE MUNRO We were frustrated at each other. We started cussing at each other. And when we lined up we took our... LARRY FOOTE They finished laughing and caught their breaths, and looked at each other, and Ani thought Geric loo... SHANNON HALE When two sides who consider each other enemies converge in armed struggle, for the moment they are n... THOMAS HUYNH They looked at each other like a pair of parentheses. DANIEL HANDLER I'll find you, don't worry. My body won't be with you all the time, but you'll always have my heart.... P.C. CAST Inside a religious body you get sects and hierarchies, inside an information network you get bazaars... MARY DOUGLAS Think of two people, living together day after day, year after year, in this small space, standing e... CHRISTOPHER ISHERWOOD Similar souls wander in the similar places! They may not know each other, but often they touch the s... MEHMET MURAT ILDAN Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tun... A.W. TOZER He fell to the seat, she by his side. There were no more words. The stars were beginning to shine. H... VICTOR HUGO Those are the same stars, and that is the same moon, that look down upon your brothers and sisters, ... SOJOURNER TRUTH Now, in their love, which was stronger, there were the seeds of hatred and fear and confusion growin... T.H. WHITE We just looked like we were uninspired. (At halftime), we got on each other. CANDACE PARKER When they were alone, they said nothing. They looked at the view; they looked at what they knew, to ... VIRGINIA WOOLF It was him, it was always him, they only needed to stand there with their feet buried into the muddy... C. JOYBELL C. They looked at the videotape because of Kali, but I guess they liked the other boys. Same thing happ... WENDELL SAY We walk into Joshua’s room. We don’t do it very often; it’s a very discouraging thing. A few w... DENIS MCBRIDE At the same time as the minister's vehicles were passing by, a group of Afghan National Army soldier... ZAHIR AZIMI You watch the babies in the fields and they?re trying to beat each other out there. So when they?re ... DICK MANDELLA Because two people in love don't make a hive mind. Neither should they want to be a hive mind, to th... GRAHAM JOYCE For each other, at each other: Sisters can be either or both. The same could be said of people in an... DEBORAH TANNEN They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and ... NICHOLAS SPARKS I am struck by the way people behave on the Tube. They look at each other beadily and inquisitively,... GRAHAM SWIFT They gave us their 'A' game, and we gave them ours, ... We're just two great teams that battle each ... BRUCE WRIGHT I still remember that, the feeling we got. We looked at each other on the bench and said 'Let's go.'... ADAM BURISH Families need to have a time when they can cook together. They can eat at the table and you can look... KAY ROBERTSON They stared at each other, wanting each other, drawn to each other, but their silent shout of love w... JEAN M. AUEL Things were at a fairly low ebb. Everybody knew me but I wasn't getting much work. So Graham Linehan... FRANK KELLY People don't love each other at our age —they please each other, that's all. Later on when you're ... ALBERT CAMUS All we're looking to is Tuesday. I kind of had to come down on the girls hard today. They weren't gi... KAREN CURRAN Marius and Cosette were in the dark in regard to each other. They did not speak, they did not bow, t... VICTOR HUGO said Rivers. ''They just know each other so well. They trust each other on every possession. Beating... SAN ANTONIO The girls really gelled as a team and pushed each other this past week. Today at the meet they chall... JENNIFER EVANS We are still so close, David and I. We were at a party the other day at my mum's house and I was... VICTORIA BECKHAM Oh, Jacques, we're used to each other, we're a pair of captive hawks caught in the same cage, and so... TENNESSEE (THOMAS LANIER) WILLIAMS Oh, Jacques, we're used to each other, we're a pair of captive hawks caught in the same cage, and so... TENNESSEE WILLIAMS People don't love each other at our age, Marthe—they please each other, that's all. Later on, when... ALBERT CAMUS The biggest thing with those two ... is they work so well together. Their movement on the court (is ... ANDY LUND What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life--to stre... GEORGE ELIOT They looked to each other for support, for strength, and at times, motivation, to remember why and f... SAGE STEADMAN Two people pass each other. As one looks upon the other's skin color, the other is looking back at t... ANTHONY LICCIONE Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction. ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY Loving is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction. ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY Loving is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction.Ê. ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction. ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPéRY Their only losses are to each other, so we knew they were on a collision course with each other. It ... CARL STRALOW Wow. We kind of looked at each other and said 'what?' He was very calm. He wasn't emotional at all. ... PHIL HARE flanked by two incredibly bulky nurses who dwarfed her. One nurse had a black eye, and ‘LOVE’ an... DAVID WALLIAMS Right away at the meeting they said they appreciated our initiative and were pleased with our submis... KAMREN COLSON We never really talked much or even looked at each other, but it didn't matter because we were looki... JOHN GREEN While they talked they remembered the years of their youth, and each thought of the other as he had ... JOHN WILLIAMS I was preaching to the people at the Superdome because they were only looking after themselves, not ... CHRISTIAN CHURCH When people talk, they lay lines on each other, do a lot of role playing, sidestep, shilly-shally an... STEVEN PINKER How individuals of the same species surpass each other in these sensations and in other bodily facul... MAIMONIDES There were once two sisters who shared the same room, the same clothes, the same thoughts... JANDY NELSON It's because they were seven weeks premature that they didn't have the extra seven weeks in the womb... NICOLE SKADAL This is one of the strongest classes we have ever had, ... This class is extremely talented but has ... ANNE MOORE Richie and Eddie couldn't exist without each other. They're two halves of the same person. ADRIAN EDMONDSON How they loved each other, these three, how they had suffered for each another, and yet how much joy... CASSANDRA CLARE Two prisoners whose cells adjoin communicate with each other by knocking on the wall. The wall is th... SIMONE WEIL Alec looked down at the shattered pieces in disbelief. “You BROKE my PHONE.” Jace shrugged.... CASSANDRA CLARE When I was done reading the poem, everyone was quiet. A very sad quiet. But the amazing thing was th... STEPHEN CHBOSKY Long before they had ever met, I think this destiny awaited them. They were not like ships passing i... GEN UROBUCHI It would have been foolish for two or three labs to carry this out at the same time and compete with... BARRY WANNER Let them walk out of here, let them walk the hell out of here! ... Walk to some other town. Walk som... GERALDO RIVERA Love is not just gazing at each other but looking together in the same direction. UNKNOWN They mentored and knew each other. They also all took photographs of ordinary things by looking for ... KAREN MCGUIRE I cannot, will never, understand these couples who hate each other, who conduct open warfare in fron... JOHN NIVEN You must work everyday on doubles to get better and know each other and understand what we are suppo... FERNANDA DA VALLE They're not exactly the same, but you can't tell them apart. Their temperaments certainly aren't the... DOUG HOWERY There were a few words and a few looks at each other on the pitch, but not much was said. ROBERT PIRES Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction ANTOINE DE SAINT One fine day, in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced eac... HOLLY BLACK How could one not think of the stories we all grew up on, that surely the Ul Qomans grew up on too? ... CHINA MIéVILLE «It is impossible for the inhabitants of different worlds to walk or sit or stand on the same floor... M.C. ESCHER You go on saying we're the same mind split perfectly in two. You go on saying we're practically join... KAYLA RAE The amount of detailed information which an individual has at his command and his theoretical elabor... HERMANN EBBINGHAUS I loved her like a sister and we’d known each other since we were babies, but on some level, you c... ERICA LARSEN Complete strangers can stand silent next to each other in an elevator and not even look each other i... LZ GRANDERSON
More Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching... STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it. STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ... STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you str... STEVEN WRIGHT A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space... STEVEN WRIGHT I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity. STEVEN WRIGHT Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it? STEVEN WRIGHT Black holes are where God divided by zero. STEVEN WRIGHT Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, yo... STEVEN WRIGHT I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches. STEVEN WRIGHT I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine. STEVEN WRIGHT My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. STEVEN WRIGHT Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I’ve forgotten this b... STEVEN WRIGHT George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk. STEVEN WRIGHT The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. STEVEN WRIGHT If God dropped acid, would he see people? STEVEN WRIGHT I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop,... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of t... STEVEN WRIGHT I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral ... STEVEN WRIGHT I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. STEVEN WRIGHT If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, d... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. STEVEN WRIGHT I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an... STEVEN WRIGHT I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.' STEVEN WRIGHT I intend to live forever. So far, so good. STEVEN WRIGHT A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. STEVEN WRIGHT Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. STEVEN WRIGHT In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be... STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. STEVEN WRIGHT I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. STEVEN WRIGHT Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. STEVEN WRIGHT I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.' STEVEN WRIGHT At one point he decided enough was enough. STEVEN WRIGHT I thought I would be a guy on the radio. STEVEN WRIGHT I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that w... STEVEN WRIGHT Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh. STEVEN WRIGHT It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and ... STEVEN WRIGHT I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because th... STEVEN WRIGHT I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and g... STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-... STEVEN WRIGHT I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding. STEVEN WRIGHT So, do you live around here often? STEVEN WRIGHT I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way thro... STEVEN WRIGHT Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it beca... STEVEN WRIGHT I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom. STEVEN WRIGHT I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing film... STEVEN WRIGHT I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11. STEVEN WRIGHT I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add. STEVEN WRIGHT I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for thre... STEVEN WRIGHT When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction. STEVEN WRIGHT Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really ex... STEVEN WRIGHT It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear. STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I t... STEVEN WRIGHT You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The... STEVEN WRIGHT I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he di... STEVEN WRIGHT I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't. STEVEN WRIGHT I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, ... STEVEN WRIGHT I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. STEVEN WRIGHT There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalato... STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. STEVEN WRIGHT I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy ... STEVEN WRIGHT OK, so what's the speed of dark? STEVEN WRIGHT Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in Ja... STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time. STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I... STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. STEVEN WRIGHT Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home. STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere i... STEVEN WRIGHT I invented the cordless extension cord. STEVEN WRIGHT I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy. STEVEN WRIGHT For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them f... STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that d... STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during... STEVEN WRIGHT If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? STEVEN WRIGHT My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage. STEVEN WRIGHT I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be assoc... STEVEN WRIGHT Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-g... STEVEN WRIGHT When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to ... STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically. STEVEN WRIGHT There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really inte... STEVEN WRIGHT I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not tryi... STEVEN WRIGHT I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I... STEVEN WRIGHT I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and force... STEVEN WRIGHT How young can you die of old age? STEVEN WRIGHT I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. STEVEN WRIGHT I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost. STEVEN WRIGHT Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it. STEVEN WRIGHT I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistical... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia. STEVEN WRIGHT I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. STEVEN WRIGHT I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black... STEVEN WRIGHT I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter. STEVEN WRIGHT If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too? STEVEN WRIGHT It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules. STEVEN WRIGHT Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually... STEVEN WRIGHT I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. STEVEN WRIGHT On the other hand, you have different fingers. STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the othe... STEVEN WRIGHT They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic. STEVEN WRIGHT I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. STEVEN WRIGHT All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand. STEVEN WRIGHT Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. STEVEN WRIGHT What a nice night for an evening. STEVEN WRIGHT If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. STEVEN WRIGHT If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. STEVEN WRIGHT Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. STEVEN WRIGHT Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. STEVEN WRIGHT I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. STEVEN WRIGHT I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus? STEVEN WRIGHT I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head. STEVEN WRIGHT If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts. STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. STEVEN WRIGHT If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it? STEVEN WRIGHT Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. STEVEN WRIGHT My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant... STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. STEVEN WRIGHT My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right... STEVEN WRIGHT I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there. STEVEN WRIGHT If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? STEVEN WRIGHT If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? STEVEN WRIGHT A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. STEVEN WRIGHT I like to reminisce with people I don't know. STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. STEVEN WRIGHT I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You... STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she t... STEVEN WRIGHT My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out. STEVEN WRIGHT What happens if you get scared half to death twice? STEVEN WRIGHT George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a ... STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. STEVEN WRIGHT Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I ... STEVEN WRIGHT Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build... STEVEN WRIGHT I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke. STEVEN WRIGHT My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. STEVEN WRIGHT I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious! STEVEN WRIGHT I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after... STEVEN WRIGHT I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world...... STEVEN WRIGHT If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? STEVEN WRIGHT It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It'... STEVEN WRIGHT I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. STEVEN WRIGHT I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes. STEVEN WRIGHT I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll c... STEVEN WRIGHT My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she lov... STEVEN WRIGHT When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'W... STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect. STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it. STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap... STEVEN WRIGHT You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows u... STEVEN WRIGHT Consciousness: That annoying time between naps STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few m... STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus? STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. STEVEN WRIGHT Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I ... STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. STEVEN WRIGHT If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ... STEVEN WRIGHT I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the li... STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to... STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize STEVEN WRIGHT The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament... STEVEN WRIGHT In terms of visits, we're probably going to wind up 3 to 5 percent ahead in visits and probably doub... STEVEN WRIGHT The uncertainty is petrol prices, STEVEN WRIGHT Our modelling suggest bond yields should rise in line with the US by at least 1 per cent. The X fact... STEVEN WRIGHT Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. W... STEVEN WRIGHT I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll proba... STEVEN WRIGHT I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it. STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time. STEVEN WRIGHT I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote" STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is ma... STEVEN WRIGHT Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even st... STEVEN WRIGHT Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even ... STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never... STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't? STEVEN WRIGHT Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big... STEVEN WRIGHT Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. STEVEN WRIGHT My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several... STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. STEVEN WRIGHT I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so... STEVEN WRIGHT I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you�... STEVEN WRIGHT I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out... STEVEN WRIGHT Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. STEVEN WRIGHT I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving... STEVEN WRIGHT It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, mayb... STEVEN WRIGHT