''Varlet and the Squeaking Codpieces'' would be an excellent name for a rock band.


Dave Barry

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This would be an excellent program for civic groups.
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They had a guy by the name of Barry Larkin ,
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I am always looking for a cool tee shirt; maybe one with a rock band or an old advertisement.
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I would definitely say the Oakland Raiders are the punk rock band of football.
BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG
When I was 6 years old, I was in a rock band that was horrible called 'Dead End.' The name k...
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There's this new band that just started with us called the Dave Matthews Band. My God! I mean, I...
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At the moment I really love listening to the Dave Matthews Band.
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Ian Gillan, Roger Glover and I wanted to be a hard rock band - we wanted to play rock and roll only.
RITCHIE BLACKMORE
I once knew a man named Barry. I always thought his name was short for 'Barfly'.
FRED LANE
It's only the losers named 'Dave' that think having an unusual name is bad, and who care...
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Being a new band, I just can't think of a better way to get your name out to all of the Hard-Rock cr...
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I joke that we're not dissimilar to a rock band in the '70s.
ISAAC HANSON
Def Leppard is a rock band that can sing.
VIVIAN CAMPBELL
Reach out and help others. If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. Be a vessel, be the c...
GERMANY KENT
I was in a bluegrass band. I made two records with a band called the SteelDrivers. They were nominat...
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Dave thought he was bigger than Van Halen the band. So there was this catfight going on for 10 years...
GARY CHERONE
I think Brian would be an excellent choice.
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I've always wanted the IQ of a rock. No, wait. That would be an insult to the rock.
JULIE KAGAWA
I had to overcome the name Rock. If I'd been as hip then as I am now, I would have never consented t...
ROCK HUDSON
I have total respect for anyone who discovers a band like Snow Patrol. I would be hopeless at signin...
SIMON COWELL
If Nirvana had remained a small, underground punk rock band, Kurt Cobain would still be alive. And h...
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Thou seest, thou wicked varlet, now, what’s come upon thee: thou art to continue, now, thou varlet...
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When you're looking for a band name, I know it sounds weird, but everything you look at, everyth...
DAVE HAYWOOD
Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.
ANDY WEIR
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JASON MRAZ
We consciously set out to not be a Southern rock band. It was a matter of time before it'd all come ...
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We're not against Barry Bonds as an individual. We're against what he stands for. ... There was no w...
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In the beginning, Barry and I couldn't decide if we were going got go forward with the name of the B...
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Some people think girls can't rock and we're here to prove them wrong. We're a real rock band and, r...
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History would be an excellent thing if only it were true.
LEO NIKOLAEVICH TOLSTOY
I was in a vintage pub rock band called Clover in the 1970s.
HUEY LEWIS
Pour, varlet, pour the water
The water steaming hot!
A spoonful for each man of us
An...
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At the end of the day, I want to be part of the same conversation as Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, Dave ...
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TOMMY LEE
I told [GM] Roland Hemond to go out and get me a big name pitcher. He said, 'Dave Wehrmeister's got ...
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My mom passed away a day before high school started, and her dream was for me to be a full rock and ...
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[Bellevue] has an excellent reputation. I knew a degree from there would be very practical.
DAN THOMPSON
What will make you a star is in you
SOTONYE ANGA
I may be taking a different approach, being a guy leading a band with a trombone, but if you take th...
TROMBONE SHORTY
In the beginning, Barry and I couldn't decide if we were going got go forward with the name of t...
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You know, with bands like Kiss back out on the road and Aerosmith coming out, we are going to be a b...
STEVE BROWN
It would be an excellent starting point. We've got volunteers who would be glad to help you out.
BILL MINISH
Barry was an outstanding journalist and a great leader,
BILL PATTERSON
Be the girl you want your daughter to be. Be the girl you want your son to date. Be classy, be smart...
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It'll be a very uniform sand, excellent color, excellent quality and it will be an enjoyable experie...
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One thing people would be surprised about is that although hard rock and heavy metal are without que...
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Every 15, 20, 25 years, a new rock and roll record needs to come out and a new rock and roll band ne...
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MAYER HAWTHORNE
With Rock Band, you can play along to Black Sabbath or Nirvana and possibly find new ways of appreci...
CARRIE BROWNSTEIN
Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.
ANONYMOUS
We wanted the first single to be a rock song because a lot of people thought of us as a power-ballad...
DALE STEWART
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JACK ABRAHAM
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ART ALEXAKIS
I wish I could tell you me and my rock band were traveling around, strung out. No, we were a family ...
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Pat Benatar might need a rock band, but I can just sit with a blues guitar for an hour and a half an...
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Rock is about finding who you are. You don't necessarily have to play your instrument very well at a...
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I hate to be a kicker, I always long for peace, but the wheel that does the squeaking is the one tha...
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It's certainly Bonhams' view that Manila would make an excellent venue for the sale if a sale should...
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I wouldn't mind being the lead guitarist in an incredibly successful rock band. However, I don&#...
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CHARLES KELLEY
Before moving to Pennsylvania in 1999, I played bass in a newsroom rock band in South Florida for se...
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If I was money-motivated, I wouldn't have joined a rock band with three other Armenian guys.
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My reservation going into this was that no matter how good it turned out, criticism would soon follo...
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I like recording, performing, recording again, performing again ? I love the cycle. I want them to b...
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The band Grizzly Bear, I think they're excellent. There's a beauty and a musicality there th...
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An excellent job with a dubious undertaking, which is like saying it would be great if it wasn't awf...
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An excellent job with a dubious undertaking, which is like saying it would be great if it wasn't awf...
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From one generation to the next, The Beatles will remain the most important rock band of all time.
DAVE GROHL
I started off doing rock 'n' roll, and then I went back, a couple of albums ago, into writing rock '...
JOHN CALE
Rock is about finding who you are. You don't necessarily have to play your instrument very well ...
GENE SIMMONS
I would have wanted to be a rock star, a lead singer, if I wasn't a model. I'd go touring in...
KATE MOSS
As I said to Ringo, I was in a successful Rock N Roll band. He was in a band that changed the world....
GREG LAKE
Rock and roll is one of the great American art forms, just like jazz, blues, and bluegrass. We love ...
TOM SMITH
Rock and roll doesn't necessarily mean a band. It doesn't mean a singer, and it doesn't mean a lyric...
MALCOLM MCLAREN
If we can raise a quarter of a million dollars for cancer research that would be excellent.
JASON PERILLO
We used to play the underground clubs like the UFO, and Middle Earth, and they were great because th...
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MATT BROWN
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NICK ATKINSON
We thought that's the way you were supposed to be if you were in a rock 'n' roll band. F...
DAVID JOHANSEN
So, we went from being an Athens band to being a Georgia band to being a Southern band to being an A...
MICHAEL STIPE
There's too much of an opportunity for indoctrination here. What a young person could gain from work...
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A gentleman by the name Robioson the authorized signatory of Black Rock seems to be in possession of...
APURVA GAGLANI
In 1996, I was in was in an acoustic kind of rock band, we were called Feeble. We were just playing ...
TRAVIS BARKER
Matty blinked. 'You're passing up whips for shopping?'
'You're bitching about ...
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It is possible for music to be labeled "Christian" and be terrible music. It could lack creativity a...
ROB BELL
I was a late bloomer. I was a kinda shy little kid, definitely a child of the dark side. I wanted to...
YUL VAZQUEZ
It was a nightmare that would have Barry Manilow screaming in horror.
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If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, ...
DAVE BARRY
If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, ...
DAVE BARRY
Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably...
DAVE BARRY
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you wo...
DAVE BARRY
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religi...
DAVE BARRY
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
DAVE BARRY
Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
DAVE BARRY
I gotta tell you, ... It's pretty crazy when you think about taking whatever's on the other end of t...
DAVE BARRY
It was by far just a one-girl show. She led every offensive and defensive category for Bishop Kearne...
DAVE BARRY
one of South Florida's most vital natural resources, a relentlessly sane voice in a howling hurrican...
DAVE BARRY
drink beer. But that's kind of my goal pretty much wherever I go.
DAVE BARRY
I'm very pleased that we made the top four. But I feel that we could have had a stronger showing.
DAVE BARRY
I've been asked to make an announcement, ... There is a non-luxury car in the parking lot. We've bee...
DAVE BARRY
The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization.
DAVE BARRY
We've actually gotten better musically over the years, ... But we've come to realize that we will ne...
DAVE BARRY
Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
DAVE BARRY
Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art...
DAVE BARRY
I find myself having these conversations where I go...“You know, the guy, in that place. The guy i...
DAVE BARRY
Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones...
DAVE BARRY
Ridley is a tea drinker.
DAVE BARRY
It's a concept I've often thought of.
DAVE BARRY
You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service.
DAVE BARRY
I believe that's one of the finest action regurgitation scenes in the history of literature, ... I'd...
DAVE BARRY
We became pretty sensitive about it. We visited Great Ormond Street Hospital when we were in England...
DAVE BARRY
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge ham...
DAVE BARRY
I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
DAVE BARRY
Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuc...
DAVE BARRY
Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger...
DAVE BARRY
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY
The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable ent...
DAVE BARRY
Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant d...
DAVE BARRY
I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks sh...
DAVE BARRY
Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look...
DAVE BARRY
There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his ...
DAVE BARRY
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winte...
DAVE BARRY
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
DAVE BARRY