Waterboarding -- that's what America does to its prisoners now. Dunking them in water until they confess. Of course, you have to remember -- we uncovered a lot of witches that way. So, credit where credit is due.

Harry S. Truman had his moods. His birthplace is the only tourist attraction in America where you don't see Japanese with cameras.

We've preached forever that we're going to lose out economically because we're losing the water, but no one cares. So we think we should try to push the aesthetics of what's also being lost. Now we're saying, 'We need the farms to balance the growth.' ... I don't know if it will work, but we're running out of options.

A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.