We had hoped to have been bringing you Arthur the Human Chameleon, but this afternoon, he crawled across a tartan rug and died of exhaustion.

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred 'Chuckles' Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute, the vicar read out one of Fred's jokes, and the congregation had two minutes silence.

Chameleon Is The Animal Which Change According To Surrounding, Feature Similar To Human

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

Next week we'll be investigating rumours that the president of the dairy council has become a Mason, and goes around giving his colleagues the 'secret milkshake.'