Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I'm changing it to 'God Hates Baguettes.' It's tough to disagree with that. Everybody hates baguettes.


John Green

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"I don't see anything next to i...
JOHN GREEN
Do the thing you're good at. Not many people are lucky enough to be so good at something.
JOHN GREEN
For a moment, she was quiet. Then she grabbed my hand, whispered, “Run run run run run,” and too...
JOHN GREEN
We don't tend to write about disease in fiction - not just teen novels but all American novels -...
JOHN GREEN
I know that books seem like the ultimate thing that's made by one person, but that's not tru...
JOHN GREEN
Chuck Parson did not participate in organized sports, because to do so would distract from his large...
JOHN GREEN
The thing about a spiral is, if you follow it inward, it never actually ends. It just keeps tighteni...
JOHN GREEN
Anybody can look at you. It's quite rare to find someone who sees the same world you see.
JOHN GREEN
You see how fake it all is. It's not even hard enough to be made out of plastic. It's a paper town.
JOHN GREEN
But there was so much todo: cigarettes to smoke, sex to have, swings to swing on. I'll have more tim...
JOHN GREEN
How wil we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?
JOHN GREEN
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!' he screamed.
'So that's Sara,' I said.
'Yes.'
'She seems nice.
JOHN GREEN
The pigs can't stop the fox; I'm too quick,' Takumi said to himself. "I can rhyme while I run; I'm t...
JOHN GREEN
I’m just scared of ghosts, Pudge. And home is full of them.
JOHN GREEN
You can't just make me different and then leave
JOHN GREEN
She has great breasts," the Colonel said without looking up from the whale.
"DO NOT OBJECTIFY W...
JOHN GREEN
But why Alaska?' I asked her.

'Well, later, I found out what it means. It's from an Aleut...
JOHN GREEN
Right, well, he'd been sick for a while and his nurse said to him, 'You seem to be feeling better th...
JOHN GREEN
I'm really not up for answering any questions that start with how, when, where, why or what.
JOHN GREEN
You're funny, and you're smart, and you may show up late, but you always show up eventually.
JOHN GREEN
I have a great affection for people who are intellectually engaged with the world, and who don’t t...
JOHN GREEN
I've never known before what it feels like to want someone - not to want to hook up with them or wha...
JOHN GREEN
There's a stark difference between the words 'prodigy' and 'genius.' Prodigies can very quickly lear...
JOHN GREEN
Why is being a nerd bad? Saying I notice you’re a nerd is like saying, ‘Hey, I notice that you�...
JOHN GREEN
I wanted us to have an adventure. Because I love that crap. Because I'm not whatever-her-name-is. I ...
JOHN GREEN
If my public existence does anything worthwhile, hopefully it at least demystifies the author a bit,...
JOHN GREEN
If people were like rain, I was like drizzle and she was a hurricane.
JOHN GREEN
I do not say goodbye. I believe that's one of the bullshitiest words ever invented. It's not like yo...
JOHN GREEN
Do you know what your problem is? You can't live with the idea that someone might leave.
JOHN GREEN
Nothing ever happens like you imagine it will
JOHN GREEN
I responded to this development with the kind of sophisticated language for which I am famous. "Crap...
JOHN GREEN