What I learned, a little too late, was that the 'traditional' Martin Short target viewer weighs under 300 pounds. Unfortunately, I was on during daytime.


Martin Short

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What I learned, a little too late, was that the 'traditional' Martin Short target viewer wei...
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The only question that got any traction was when he asked Martin what he did. Martin tersely replied...
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Guess what, Martin Luther King? I had a (expletive) dream, too.
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Martin was Martin. We all have moods, ups and downs, but he is still Martin.
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I told him I'd always found the description a little too long on adjectives and a little too short o...
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I had been very impressed with the voiceover of 'Apocalypse Now,' with Martin Sheen's vo...
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Here's probably a short answer - I never feel in this piece that I'm stepping out and being Andrea M...
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I love funny people. I met and became friends with some of the funniest people ever. Gilda Radner, b...
PAUL SHAFFER
There was no way I could let Mark Martin get outside of me on that restart.
TODD BODINE
I don't think it was too little, too late. We just couldn't shoot. We're better than that. We were s...
LARRY HOFF
I thought we did a really good job of coming back. It was a battle. We came up on the short end unfo...
DEBBIE BROWN
[So what was it like meeting him?] I didn't meet Chris Martin, ... He met me.
IAN MCCULLOCH
I was told I would never make it because I'm too short. Well, I'm still too short. ... It doesn't ma...
KIRBY PUCKETT
I said I need a little more Fred Astaire and a little less Ricky Martin.
GEORGE HAMILTON
I remember as a child, my mother loved Dean Martin. Every Christmas, about the only Christmas album ...
MICHAEL SPRADLIN
Canada has given us John Candy and Martin Short and Bill Shatner and Lord knows how many other wonde...
JAMIE FARR
Being the youngest of five, you're adored, you're fueled with confidence.
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What's great about being a character actor is you know that you can survive forever. It's no...
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All these things that enter your head are assignments. You write them up and then throw them out the...
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One of my great influences was Don Knotts as Barney Fife.
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David Lynch and I almost made a movie together in the late '80s. We had lots of dinners and lunc...
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We find you have be careful about what you make up, because it'll come back to haunt you. I make up ...
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People do think I'm Jewish. But we're Irish Catholic. My father had a brogue.
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What's great about being a character actor is you know that you can survive forever. It's not about ...
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Every market is crowded and competitive, ... and everyone survives based on whether we want to visit...
MARTIN SHORT
You try to figure out things to keep yourself interested. It's very easy to get lulled.
MARTIN SHORT
I hate to lull the audience into letting them think that something is something. It's always fun...
MARTIN SHORT
I pretend I'm one of the royal family when I'm in a hotel and that the hotel belongs to me -...
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He's an original genius,
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You can only ask yourself what scarring and bruising was on Martin Anderson that we don't know about...
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When I played, a 300-pounder was a freak. Today, if you don't weigh 300 pounds you are a freak.
ART KEHOE
Robert Louis Stevenson... I'm focusing on the late short stories that I was ignorant of. I alway...
JANE BIRKIN
The last popular song that I loved was 'Living La Vida Loca' by Ricky Martin,
ARTIE SHAW
I think it's a little too late to really tout short selling. These aren't strategies you can employ ...
CHARLES PAYNE
Starling knew what the malicious Dr. Lecter would say, and it was true: she was afraid there was som...
THOMAS HARRIS
Dean Martin. He was incredible.
GLEN CAMPBELL
I was told I would never make it because I'm too short. Well, I'm still too short. It doesn&...
KIRBY PUCKETT
The first writing I did was short short stories for a newspaper syndicate for which I was paid five ...
THEODORE STURGEON
When I played Dean Martin, he was dead when we made the movie but there would have been nothing bett...
JOE MANTEGNA
We can't be hypothetical. This streak was what we had been looking for all year. Unfortunately, it w...
ROYCE CLAYTON
I was talking to God the other day and Kevin Martin told me ....
WES MONTGOMERY
I've been collecting some more high-end guitars. I have an old Martin D28 from the '60s, a b...
ANI DIFRANCO
Actually, I was born Adam Zachary Orth. Zak is short for my middle name. I was never called Adam.
ZAK ORTH
I was in the backfield and I came out on the wheel. And Corey Martin just lobbed it up to me.
JUSTIN BROUSE
I would never have been a good scientist - my attention span was too short for that.
OCTAVIA BUTLER
For a writer, life is always too short to write. I will just try my best during what remains of my l...
CAO YU
[on Martin Freeman playing Bilbo Baggins] It was great. I got to hang out with him, and I kept a str...
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH
I was supposed to be too short to play college volleyball.
SUMMER ALTICE
In New York, you are competing with Times Square lights and all of that, so you've got to be 300...
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I was a child when the March on Washington led by Martin Luther King occurred, and I wanted to hear ...
ANDRE BRAUGHER
I wanted to show that Martin Luther King was simply a human being, not a god, not a saint.
RALPH ABERNATHY
I was too short for basketball and too little for football, ... They had (three-time NFL Pro Bowler)...
JACK WHITAKER
Martin Luther King was a leader for all Americans on our own professed values.
TAYLOR BRANCH
Working on 'The Last Waltz' introduced me to Martin Scorsese, and I had been a movie bug sin...
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Rich is a guy that I wanted on my staff when I went to Martin. We're going to use the same defense w...
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I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We...
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I was really surprised to get it, to tell you the truth. We were a little short-handed today and the...
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When I was filming 'The Outsiders,' my idea of success was getting the next Martin Scorsese ...
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I made a move on the guy and I was open. Dustin got hit when he threw it and the ball was a little s...
BRENT CELEK
The thing about it was, I was just playing and did what coach Martin coaches. He really stresses thr...
JON BROWN
I have reached the conclusion, a bit late perhaps, that speeches should be short.
FIDEL CASTRO
I have a lot of respect for Martin Luther King. I think he was one of the greatest orators that the ...
FRED HAMPTON
I believe that life is short, and there is too much time wasted bearing grudges, and I like to move ...
SAM TAYLOR-JOHNSON
But for what purpose was the earth formed?" asked Candide. "To drive us mad," replied Martin.
VOLTAIRE
I was going to shave it. It went in two parts. I got a bob first but it kept falling all over my fac...
CATHY FREEMAN
Maybe it's because I was too much reality, but I'm not interested in seeing too much reality...
DENNIS FARINA
'Gifts' was just a short little one-verse song that I used to close shows in the '60s.
BRUCE COCKBURN
When a speaker says, "Well, to make a long story short," it's too late
DON HEROLD
Martin Luther King said it was time to inject a new dimension of love into the veins of human civili...
MARIANNE WILLIAMSON
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It was little bit too late to come back in the second set. I was missing a lot on baseline, my serve...
MARAT SAFIN
When I started out in the early 1930s, there were a great many magazines that published short storie...
IRWIN SHAW
What a pessimist you are!" exclaimed Candide.
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I learned one thing from jumping motorcycles that was of great value on the golf course, the putting...
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Martin Sheen was extraordinary. He's a very gifted man.
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ELLEN DEGENERES
I consider anybody who weighs over 200 pounds fat, and time was when I could not refrain from tellin...
GLORIA SWANSON
[Jon's been in the lab with Too Short as well.] Short is like 'Uncle Short,' ... Short was the first...
LIL JON
I worked on a film short with Frank Sinatra when I was a kid.
DWAYNE HICKMAN
I loved George Carlin and Dean Martin. I was one of those kids who had every comedy album.
STEPHEN COLBERT
Martin Luther King Jr., recognized bias when he saw it, knew what he was talking about.
JACK SCHWARTZ
I like what I do. I was hoping to be a closer. I have a short memory.
FRANK GONZALEZ
I remember back in the 1960s - late '50s, really - reading a comic book called 'Martin Luthe...
JOHN LEWIS
What do you call a one-man show that has four people helping out? They play the other million charac...
MARC SHAIMAN
God, I admire Steve Martin.
BILL PAXTON
Life is too short to be little.
BENJAMIN DISRAELI
I worked with the best directors - Martin Scorsese, John Huston, David Lynch, Alfred Hitchcock. Alfr...
HARRY DEAN STANTON
I was born in Nizhny Novgorod to a very poor family and unfortunately my father and mother separated...
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I was kind of a little disappointed when they started building a competition between Marty (Martin S...
CLINT EASTWOOD

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Don't press your luck, you might pop it.
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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
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Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
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If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them.
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To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
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To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
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Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
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Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.
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I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying.
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Sometimes you succeed.... and other times you learn.
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The luck of having talent is not enough; one must also have a talent for luck.
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The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
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The road to success is always under construction.
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Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
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If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
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Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
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Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche -- a cliche is a sure and cer...
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People have accused me of being in favor of globalization. This is equivalent to accusing me of bein...
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Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb about.
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A good sacrifice is one that is not necessarily sound but leaves your opponent dazed and confused.
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(Linebacker) was something that was a weakness on the team last year. Now hopefully it'll be a stren...
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He's one of the most amazing athletes I've ever seen. Hopefully we will take what was a weakness on ...
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The Cowboys kicked our butt. They executed better than we did. I never would have expected it.
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What happens on the field is its own world. The stuff those people are dealing with is their lives i...
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He's a tremendous athlete, with his speed and his tackling ability. To have someone like him who is ...
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It's a totally different dynamic this year. It's a lot more spread around.
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Once in a while, I try to sneak in something less known anyway.
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If you try to do that in pop music - to play only rare show tunes, for example - people don't come.
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I link them together myself, but Robeson was many, many different things. He possessed a brilliant i...
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Even in today's opera world, the position of the black tenor is problematic.
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I listen constantly to classical music and I find that stretches my imagination. I listen to some co...
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But life is tough and if you're creative, it's tougher.
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A diploma only proves that you know how to look up answers.
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Obviously this is the world descending into worse and worse standards of targeting civilians both in...
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The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
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So my own suspicion is that the attorney has stopped this prosecution because part of her defence wa...
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I do tumbling and flips; there's a gym I go to for that.
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That's a long wagon train,
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If God is watching us, we might as well be interesting.
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Reckless with our government;
reckless with his own future, position and place in history.
CLARE SHORT
We need to keep this Labour government, it has a good chance of another term.
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They seem now to have started rounding up refugees queuing to leave Kosovo and returning them by for...
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There are communities that have not been as proactive as say, San Francisco and Oakland in having a ...
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Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at
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I started the site as a hobby while I was a nursing student, and 10 years later, over 500,000 people...
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In the UK we have a tariff that allows unlimited calls. International tariffs are more challenging, ...
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It needs to become as easy to get hold of a condom in a poor country as Coca-Cola,
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I think everyone agrees we would have done better with a different leader,
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I will not uphold a breach of international law or this undermining of the U.N. and will resign from...
CLARE SHORT
I just couldn't believe that he would do it, that anyone could be so deceitful over a matter of war,...
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You might not think it to read the coverage in the British media, but this woman is some kind of her...
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Reckless with our government;reckless with his own future, position and place in history.
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This is a war,
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There's not enough movement. We've got a system that is completely stuck,
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We have reports of systematic and organized use of rape,
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One must strike the right balance between speed and quality.
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I'm not sending a minister because I don't expect it to be an effective summit.
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The Churches must learn humility as well as teach it.
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King Sihanouk was an absolute monarch in the 1940s and 1950s. No one could publicly disagree with an...
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I could not comment on any personal conversations Sheriff Young had with the operations center.
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A lot of them are gone now. People are paying tribute to what took place out there.
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We are looking at fixed roaming prices for certain Western European destinations.
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Maybe a bungee cord or something from his car.
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The church is the great lost and found department.
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The problem is going to be finding the right words and implementing it in a way that is really deali...
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You always want to be one step better. This is the best finish we've ever had in the Sally George, w...
DOUG SHORT
Is it possible that you know what he was strangled with and you just didnt want to tell me?
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There is no doubt there is an Iraq effect and the Liberal Democrats are rising on that.
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The key in their minds [to] the money coming [through] Rotary is that they felt it would be responsi...
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[But she added:] I don't think he'll do it. ... When is he going?
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Well, we know for a fact that his belt was ripped off of his pants and he was strangled with his bel...
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We wondered if he would be into it after he lost on Friday, but he's come back well after a tough th...
DOUG SHORT
That's an accomplishment for these guys. We're a young group, so it makes it exciting for next year....
DOUG SHORT
On one hand it is disappointing, but we will have people on the podium.
DOUG SHORT
Mike has done a nice job of fighting back.
DOUG SHORT
It got pretty hectic, but it's a nice problem to have.
DOUG SHORT
You look at four wins and that's a great way to start. Even in the two matches we lost the kids were...
DOUG SHORT
I want them to enjoy the week because it is a great accomplishment to make it to state. Each kid has...
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We've got a good competitive league. Getting that many to district shows the strength of our wrestli...
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The guys have worked hard to be in this position at the end of the year. We had a tough schedule in ...
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There were people looting, but she wasn't one of them. Instead of chasing after people who were runn...
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Only a small number of sound local and foreign financial institutions are being invited to participa...
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Contrary to the many unfounded press reports recently, this sale will in no way be rushed.
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I started the site while I was a nursing student. I had no idea that it would soon become my full-ti...
BRIAN SHORT
The choices have broadened out dramatically over the last five years.
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I can say with full sincerity that I am happy. I'm happy because I'm doing what I love and I...
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This team has a chance to finish as one of the best teams ever at this university.
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We've seen a big improvement at No. 2 and No. 3 doubles, and we've seen a big improvement at No. 4, ...
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The doubles point was huge. It's kind of worrisome that No. 1 doubles has been great for us, and the...
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We lost so many 4-3 matches in the first half of the season that the guys started to question themse...
DALE SHORT
If you try to do that in pop music - to play only rare show tunes, for example - people don't co...
BOBBY SHORT
Chess is ruthless: you've got to be prepared to kill people.
NIGEL SHORT
I'm treating it as a group of kids who have issues with each other.
JAMES SHORT
The reason we chose to go in another direction has nothing to do with the wins and losses. We try no...
JAMES SHORT
Going nine deep, we can apply full-court pressure. We feel like we can wear down most teams.
MARK SHORT
It's always been a team of unselfish players. I'm so proud to see them get this far.
MARK SHORT
As a coach you always wonder what it's like to walk out on that floor at state, and now we get to fi...
MARK SHORT
I think we are ready.
MARK SHORT
Funds . . . were not shared to build capabilities throughout a larger community. Now, it's forcing c...
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We do not have any reason to believe there are inaccuracies but we've agreed to make sure our data m...
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The department [DHS] and the President have always favored a risk-based approach. It's members of Co...
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What we're really practicing is risk mitigation. You will not be able to say everywhere every city i...
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It is hard for us to know right now whether or not the localities have over-invested or under-invest...
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This year, we identified 66 ports that we view as the greatest risk, and only those were eligible to...
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There's nothing that would restrict a city from allocating funds to a church or synagogue that faces...
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It's all about the Pac-10 tournament. We're probably playing our best ball of the season. Give us th...
MATT SHORT
Of course I'm not a racist, but I'm certainly right wing, there's no question about that.
NIGEL SHORT
Like a cornered animal, which turns instinctively to confront pursuing predators, Pol Pot viewed pol...
PHILIP SHORT
There are thousands and thousands of people on the other side of the border, not being fed, babies a...
CLARE SHORT
I don't know if my pro-am partners liked me much. I was on the phone all the time, kept text-messagi...
WES SHORT JR
But I done wore it earlier in the week, so I ran out. I'm a huge Longhorn fan, born and raised in Au...
WES SHORT JR
The childish idea that prayer is a handle by which we can take hold of God and obtain whatever we de...
ROBERT L. SHORT
Feast of Edward King, Bishop of Lincoln, Teacher, 1910 Commemoration of Martyrs of Uganda, 1886 & 19...
ROBERT L. SHORT
The New Testament is an intensely personal document. It is not the effort of a group of men who are ...
ROBERT L. SHORT
Feast of Michael & All Angels The nominal Christian, then, will see Jesus as a name, a representa...
ROBERT L. SHORT
Feast of Commemoration of Helena, Protector of the Faith, 330 The heart's slavish and dogged devot...
ROBERT L. SHORT
as Schulz himself has pointed out, Snoopy is capable of being 'one of the meanest' members of the en...
ROBERT L. SHORT
My bunker shot was made easier when Jim didn't hit it close. If I just hit it on the green, I win th...
WES SHORT JR
We haven't seen any red flags to indicate an increase in incidents of inmate-on-inmate or inmate-on-...
DEE DEE SHORT
We encourage the union to express their concerns at monthly labor-management meetings. They can alwa...
DEE DEE SHORT
We have to work within a budget. We feel we are doing that safely and securely and we evaluate this ...
DEE DEE SHORT
A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men purchases its own spiritual death...
MARTIN
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love ca...
MARTIN
Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve.. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul gene...
MARTIN
A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.
MARTIN
It is the combination of reasonable talent and the ability to keep going in the face of defeat that ...
MARTIN SELIGMAN