When a man takes a mistress, he doesn't turn around and divorce his wife.

Why does mistress rhyme with mistrust and wife rhyme with life?

MySpace is my wife... Facebook is my mistress.

As I've explained to my wife many times, you have to kill your wife or mistress to get on the front page of the papers.

Every once in a while I think I understand the feminine mystique then she throws me for a loop!

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.