When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
Related
When everything is coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
TOM SNYDER When everything is coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
TOM SNYDER If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
ANONYMOUS if everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane(T-Shirt)
DARYNDA JONES A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. —STEVEN WRIGHT
DARYNDA JONES I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.
DAVID CROSS I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on telev...
DEMETRI MARTIN I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA Life is a maze sometimes you take the wrong way then mess up completely and maybe you will get back ...
RONNIE HAIK When everything goes wrong in your life then something new is going to happen.
KOWSALAPATHY The first game was interesting. We had a four-run lead and squandered it, but Daly puts up zeros, De...
MIKE TRAPASSO … you were so worried about legal and illegal that you never stopped to think about whether it was...
TERRY PRATCHETT who wants flowers when youre dead? nobody.
J.D. SALINGER When I was in high school I saw Steven Wright, a brilliant one-liner comedian, and I thought: 'T...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA Steven got ahead in the count and forced contact. Everything was good.
MIKE TRAPASSO On the highway of life, some 'drivers' may cross your lane, you may take 'the wrong exit'... Remain ...
ASSEGID HABTEWOLD There might be a million wrong people in your life, but when the right one comes everything looks da...
M.F. MOONZAJER The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I alwa...
DEMETRI MARTIN People say that you're going the wrong way when it's simply a way of your own
ANGELINA JOLIE Remember everything is right until it's wrong. You'll know when it's wrong.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY Just remember, there's a right way and a wrong way to do everything and the wrong way is to keep try...
COLONEL POTTER When you grow up, you gain experience and realise what youre capable of.
FRANCESCO TOTTI So much of performing is a mind game. You're memorizing thousands of notes, and if you start thi...
JOSHUA BELL He was coming across the lane and he had a good screen set on him. It was a clean play. It just caug...
GRANT SMYTHERS aliens are living on earth for along time,for those who think im talking about another race youre wr...
RAJA Memory Lane Bob Hope Way.
BOB HOPE Some people say you are going the wrong way,
when it's simply a way of your own.
________...
- ANGELINA JOLIE I wasn't smart enough to read relationship books when I was coming up. I learned everything the ...
MICHAEL EALY Is everything okay your way?
KATHY DENICE WILBURN Wrong thinking will take your life the wrong way, channeling your thoughts to the right direction wi...
JAACHYNMA N.E. AGU dont be hard on yourself for doing something wrong, be hard on yourself when you question your faith...
BAILEY CHANDRA 'Everything is relative'
is absolutely wrong,
but relatively right,
when absolutes belong.
DAVID L. HATTON This is Art holding a Mirror up to Life. That’s why everything is exactly the wrong way around.
TERRY PRATCHETT It's like we have a two-lane highway when we should have four.
RICK HARNISH Brad was getting muscled and couldn't get in the lane, and when he did he couldn't score. He just ha...
DAVE ROBBINS You could have everything right but be in the wrong place. You think your business is no good, but r...
FRED DELUCA When you're born, you have your right and wrong. I veered wrong, first, but now I'm veering right, t...
BO SMITH There are hundreds of Frank Lloyd Wright buildings around the United States and in other countries, ...
JANE SMILEY You got it all wrong in your way of thinking.
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA They knew we were coming in the pits. It wasn't like I came from the wall down into the pit lane. Th...
PAUL TRACY It's quiet. You can be sitting in the carpool lane at my daughter's school and the engine will be of...
GEOFF FORMAN The world is so full and abundant it is like a pregnant woman carrying a child in one arm and leadin...
WENDELL BERRY If youre in an awkward position, feel comfortable enough to walk away.
BEAU MIRCHOFF You've never really trusted him, though you don't understand why. Something about the fact that he's...
N.K. JEMISIN It’s easy to be brave when
everything is going your way.
When the going gets tough,
DOMONIQUE BERTOLUCCI I check my speed and make sure I'm in my lane. I just make sure that everything I do is legal.
DONALD ROBINSON Prosperity in the form of wealth works exactly the same as everything else. You will see it coming i...
WAYNE DYER Prosperity in the form of wealth works exactly the same as everything
else. You will see it coming i...
WAYNE DYER Happiness is neither the destination nor a lane, it is rather just a choice along the way.
SAW RUB They taught me specific moves like if somebody is coming across the lane to use your forearm, just s...
ANDEE WHITAKER When you realize that your history books and your science books and your literature books are not th...
DIANE RAVITCH When it's someone like Steven, you just get out of the way and let him do his thing, ... He's just a...
MARSHALL HERSKOVITZ Coming into the music industry, even when I was a kid, one thing I learned is timing is everything. ...
KELLY ROWLAND When you are lost in the right way, you don't go back to being found in the wrong way.
MELODY LEE The bad of life is that when you think everything is going well, actually, it's all going wrong.
DANIEL MELGAçO If you think you know everything about baseball, your dead wrong!
JULIAN "JUNEBUG" BUSSELLS At the very moment when people underestimate you is when you can make a breakthrough.
GERMANY KENT There is no use of running when you are on the wrong way.
VIKRANT PARSAI I have a good team around me. I have people I trust around me. If I go the wrong way, they will yell...
BUBBA WATSON Everything is still good. We're still in it and everything else. I don't think everything's gone wro...
CHAD QUALLS We like to push the ball, get it in the lane and kick it back out. When we do that, we know we have ...
CRAIG HAASE Move out, take your position in the lane early on so motorists can see you.
PRESTON TYREE The reality of life is that your perceptions -- right or wrong -- influence everything else you do...
ROGER BIRKMAN The reality of life is that your perceptions -- right or wrong -- influence everything else you do. ...
ROGER BIRKMAN Never do anything when you are in a temper, for you will do everything wrong.
BALTASAR GRACIAN Life is at its best when everything has fallen out of place, and you decide that you're going to fig...
THISURI WANNIARACHCHI Look out your window, and what do you see? Le Corbusier, not Wright.
WALTER ISAACSON Pride is pride not because it hates being wrong, but because it loves being wrong: To hate being wro...
CRISS JAMI Everything popular is wrong.
OSCAR WILDE We got everything going to the basket on offense. We didn't make the free throws to ice the game, bu...
CRAIG KOWAL Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!
JEFF KINNEY You are all right in your own way but you are also all wrong in your own way, we all view things at ...
KISHAN S CHAUHAN She buys "mixed salad greens" for seven dollars a bag, triple-washed with who knows what. And to get...
RUDOLPH DELSON The amount of good luck coming your way depends on your willingness to act.
BARBARA SHER Born too late to explore the world, born too early too explore the universe.
INTERNET MEME PROVERB We just protected the lane. Fortunately, (the Kings) didn't make any jump shots ? that would've chan...
GARY RATH When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of t...
STEVE MARTIN Nobody is wired wrong, because there’s no wrong and right in the way we are.
HANNAH HART Nobody is wired wrong because there’s no wrong and right in the way we are.
HANNAH HART your handwriting. the way you walk. which china pattern you choose. it's all giving you away. everyt...
CHUCK PALAHNIUK They're everything that's wrong with music, ... Out of everything combined, they're everything wrong...
DAVID LACHAPELLE When you share your "feelings" do people sometimes tell you you’re wrong for feeling a particular ...
FAWN ARRINGTON Recognize that dissenting opinions are useful even when they're wrong, and go out of your way to...
ADAM GRANT Underwear is everything because we all know that if we have on the wrong pair of underwear it ruins ...
VERONICA WEBB (Rafferty) chose not to see his kids when he killed Steven Spade.
BECKY DOHERTY When Steven Spielberg comes calling, it behooves you to seriously consider it.
STEPHEN LANG When life backs you into a corner and offers you no escape, when your friends, your lover, and your ...
ILONA ANDREWS With you I could never be alone our love are carved in a stone
Tomorrow when the sun raises everythi...
HEARTTOHEART THOUGHTS [The Internet] affects democracy... As more and more citizens express what they think, and defend it...
LAWRENCE LESSIG When we need a policeman, God bless 'em, they're there. But, if you're in the wrong plac...
FRED WILLARD You're thinking about your own match, but it's hard not to look at the board. With all the matches g...
CARIN KOCH Last Saturday I felt the team really pulled together. I feel as a team, we've got some injured kids ...
JOE GABOURY Everything you pass through is a way God is putting his compassion in your heart for that field
SUNDAY ADELAJA When you have to kill the same terrorist twice in one week, then there's either something wrong with...
JONATHAN MABERRY Usually it is someone driving in the breakdown lane.
MAJ. MICHAEL CRISP Everything you're sure is right can be wrong in another place.
BARBARA KINGSOLVER When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way ...
STEVE MARTIN When you are wrong,take responsibility, that is how you learn your wrong doing ,take corrective step...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA That was particularly disappointing. You couldn't get a nicer person than Keith Wright but the time ...
GORDON MCDOUGALL Coming from behind to win against a good team like Murray-Wright gives us confidence heading into th...
JAMES REYNOLDS
More Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you str...
STEVEN WRIGHT A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space...
STEVEN WRIGHT I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
STEVEN WRIGHT Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
STEVEN WRIGHT Black holes are where God divided by zero.
STEVEN WRIGHT Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, yo...
STEVEN WRIGHT I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
STEVEN WRIGHT I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.
STEVEN WRIGHT My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
STEVEN WRIGHT Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I’ve forgotten this b...
STEVEN WRIGHT George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
STEVEN WRIGHT The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
STEVEN WRIGHT If God dropped acid, would he see people?
STEVEN WRIGHT I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop,...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of t...
STEVEN WRIGHT I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, d...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
STEVEN WRIGHT I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an...
STEVEN WRIGHT I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
STEVEN WRIGHT I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHT A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
STEVEN WRIGHT Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be...
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
STEVEN WRIGHT At one point he decided enough was enough.
STEVEN WRIGHT I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
STEVEN WRIGHT I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that w...
STEVEN WRIGHT Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.
STEVEN WRIGHT It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because th...
STEVEN WRIGHT I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and g...
STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-...
STEVEN WRIGHT I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
STEVEN WRIGHT So, do you live around here often?
STEVEN WRIGHT I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way thro...
STEVEN WRIGHT Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it beca...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing film...
STEVEN WRIGHT I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.
STEVEN WRIGHT I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
STEVEN WRIGHT I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for thre...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction.
STEVEN WRIGHT Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really ex...
STEVEN WRIGHT It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.
STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I t...
STEVEN WRIGHT You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The...
STEVEN WRIGHT I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he di...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
STEVEN WRIGHT There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalato...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy ...
STEVEN WRIGHT OK, so what's the speed of dark?
STEVEN WRIGHT Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in Ja...
STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
STEVEN WRIGHT Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere i...
STEVEN WRIGHT I invented the cordless extension cord.
STEVEN WRIGHT I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
STEVEN WRIGHT For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them f...
STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that d...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during...
STEVEN WRIGHT If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
STEVEN WRIGHT My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be assoc...
STEVEN WRIGHT Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-g...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
STEVEN WRIGHT There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really inte...
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not tryi...
STEVEN WRIGHT I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and force...
STEVEN WRIGHT How young can you die of old age?
STEVEN WRIGHT I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
STEVEN WRIGHT I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.
STEVEN WRIGHT Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistical...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black...
STEVEN WRIGHT I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
STEVEN WRIGHT If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
STEVEN WRIGHT It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.
STEVEN WRIGHT Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually...
STEVEN WRIGHT I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
STEVEN WRIGHT On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the othe...
STEVEN WRIGHT They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
STEVEN WRIGHT All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
STEVEN WRIGHT What a nice night for an evening.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
STEVEN WRIGHT If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
STEVEN WRIGHT Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
STEVEN WRIGHT I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus?
STEVEN WRIGHT I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
STEVEN WRIGHT If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
STEVEN WRIGHT Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
STEVEN WRIGHT My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant...
STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right...
STEVEN WRIGHT I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
STEVEN WRIGHT If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
STEVEN WRIGHT A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You...
STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she t...
STEVEN WRIGHT My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
STEVEN WRIGHT What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
STEVEN WRIGHT George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
STEVEN WRIGHT Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
STEVEN WRIGHT My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
STEVEN WRIGHT I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after...
STEVEN WRIGHT I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world......
STEVEN WRIGHT If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It'...
STEVEN WRIGHT I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
STEVEN WRIGHT I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll c...
STEVEN WRIGHT My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she lov...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'W...
STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap...
STEVEN WRIGHT You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows u...
STEVEN WRIGHT Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few m...
STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus?
STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I ...
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ...
STEVEN WRIGHT I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the li...
STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
STEVEN WRIGHT The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament...
STEVEN WRIGHT In terms of visits, we're probably going to wind up 3 to 5 percent ahead in visits and probably doub...
STEVEN WRIGHT The uncertainty is petrol prices,
STEVEN WRIGHT Our modelling suggest bond yields should rise in line with the US by at least 1 per cent. The X fact...
STEVEN WRIGHT Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. W...
STEVEN WRIGHT I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll proba...
STEVEN WRIGHT I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.
STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote"
STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is ma...
STEVEN WRIGHT Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even st...
STEVEN WRIGHT Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even ...
STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never...
STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?
STEVEN WRIGHT Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big...
STEVEN WRIGHT Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several...
STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
STEVEN WRIGHT I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so...
STEVEN WRIGHT I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you�...
STEVEN WRIGHT I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out...
STEVEN WRIGHT Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving...
STEVEN WRIGHT