When you marooned me on that God forsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing mate. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero

Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

I told Doug Yates we are going to get another pole here this weekend, ... It's a lot of fun to drive; everybody is really happy right now. It's really cool to run this well every week we just need a little bit of luck right now. I am going to sleep on a different side of the bed tonight and get up on a different side of the bed and see if that will bring us some luck tomorrow.