While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.


Groucho Marx

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Money does not buy you happiness, but lack of money certainly buys you misery.
DANIEL KAHNEMAN
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN
Money may not make you happy but it is sure lets you choose your anxieties.
VIKRANT PARSAI
Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.
CLARE BOOTHE LUCE
I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
You cant buy true Love and friendship from shop.You have to earn it by your own mind,heart,passion a...
SHUBHAM CHAVAN
Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness...
H. JACKSON BROWN, JR.
Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness...
H. JACKSON BROWN JR.
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX
The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happi...
H. JACKSON BROWN, JR.
I don’t care about lots of money or materialistic crap, that stuff cannot make you happy. It can m...
NYKI MACK
You cant live champagne life,if you cant buy beer.
I DONT KNOW
Money can’t buy happiness, because you never have enough money.
VIKRANT PARSAI
The data says that with the poor, a little money can buy a lot of happiness. If you're rich, a l...
DANIEL GILBERT
Money can't buy happiness but it will get you a better class of memories
RONALD REAGAN
Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.
DAVID LEE ROTH
Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW
The way to choose happiness is to follow what is right for you. Live your own dreams. And you will k...
OPRAH WINFREY
Don’t ever feel bad for making a decision about your own life that upsets other people. You are no...
ISAIAH HANKEL
Money cannot buy happiness.
ANNI-FRID LYNGSTAD
Money cannot buy happiness.
FRIDA LYNGSTAD
Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside ...
DAVID LEE ROTH
Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.
SOURCE UNKNOWN
Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.
ANONYMOUS
It's nonsense to say money doesn't buy happiness, but people exaggerate the extent to which ...
DANIEL KAHNEMAN
What good is money if it can't buy happiness?
AGATHA CHRISTIE
Money can't buy you happiness, no matter what store you go into.
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure as hell can buy some nice trees!
DONALD TRUMP
People create their own happiness and also cause their own misery
DEE COLONESE
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
ANONYMOUS
The more money you spend on guns, the less money you spend on people! More weapons, less happiness; ...
MEHMET MURAT ILDAN
Happiness is nothing but good health and freedom, and money is the single best way you can buy your ...
SCOTT ADAMS
People say money can't buy happiness, but it can sure keep alot of things from making you sad.
RAHEEM ASKIA
If you cant beat them buy them
KENNETH WATERS JR
Money can't buy happiness, but it does quiet the nerves.
ANONYMOUS
Money can't buy happiness.
HOWARD HUGHES
I think that failure by your own standards is certainly a form of success.
BONNIE HUNT
Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.
MILTON BERLE
Money can't buy happiness but it can buy a huge yacht that sails right next to it.
DAVID LEE ROTH
Whoever opined "Money can't buy you happiness" obviously had far too much of the stuff.
DAVID MITCHELL
Money may not buy happiness, but it can damn well give it!
FREDDIE MERCURY
Money can't buy health, happiness, or what it did last year.
SOURCE UNKNOWN
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position
CHRISTOPHER MARLOWE
Money isn't the solution to your problems. It only lets you carry your unhappiness around in style.
SHANNON L. ALDER
Even if you fulfill your hearts desire, by sacrificing something important, you may not necessarily ...
AI YAZAWA
I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN
Your clock cannot buy you more time, your bed cannot get you more sleep, your titles cannot acquire ...
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO
Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.
LEO ROSTEN
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE
Happiness is a choice…you cannot choose what happens, but you can choose your reaction to it and b...
RVM
Its strange how people choose you and when you come to choose them ,they cant accept that
OMAR ASHRAF EZZELDIN
You always hear the phrase, money doesn't buy you happiness. But I always in the back of my mind...
SERGEY BRIN
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
CHRISTOPHER MARLOWE
If men have easy access to divorce, many will choose it thoughtlessly. They may not gain true happin...
TOM COTTON
You have to choose your own destiny.
You have to choose your own path in life.
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA
Money Can Get You A Bag Of Skittles, But It Cant Get You The Rainbow.
NIJEE UNIQUE KAASHIF
You are accountable for your own victory or misery
ETC WANYANWU
Bookie - A pickpocket who lets you use your own hands
HENRY MORGAN
All human happiness or misery takes the form of action; the end for which we live is a certain kind ...
ARISTOTLE
You can't do much better. He lets you run your own shop.
LORRY LOKEY
Whoever said "money can't buy happiness"...had a spending problem!
CLYDE DESOUZA
Happiness Is. Happiness is here, now, in this moment. Happiness is not about what you have in your l...
JANINE LATTIMORE
If you are willing to take responsibility for your own misery, then you can stop it.
JIM GENOVESE
Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER
Whether you choose to move on from your struggles and enjoy life or waddle in your misery, life will...
GERMANY KENT
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX
Enjoy your happiness while you have it, and while, you have it do not too closely scrutinize its fou...
JOSEPH FARRELL
Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.
GITTEL HUDNICK
Money can't buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a Ferrari.
RAYAN BLACK
The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH
Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a huge research staff to study the proble...
BILL VAUGHAN
Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the probl...
BILL VAUGHN
Money is not the most important thing, but when you need it, there are few substitutes. So while I l...
ZIG ZIGLAR
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buyi...
OGDEN NASH
Happiness is your own treasure because it lies within you.
PREM RAWAL
Money can't buy happiness. Or put my family back together.
ELIN NORDEGREN
When you have read the Bible, you will know it is the word of God, because you have found it the key...
WOODROW T. WILSON
Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.
H. JACKSON BROWN JR.
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny -
Did you ever try b...
OGDEN NASH
Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny –
Did you e...
OGDEN NASH
It is true that money cannot buy happiness but it does make it possible for you to enjoy the best th...
GEORGE S. CLASON
Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.
BO DEREK
Anyone who says money can't buy happiness just doesn't know where to shop.
BUMPER STICKER
Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the p...
BILL VAUGHAN
Today, many will choose to live free of conditions and rules governing their own happiness. Why not ...
STEVE MARABOLI
You must be the best judge of your own happiness.
JANE AUSTEN
When a magician lets you notice something on your own, his lie becomes impenetrable.
TELLER
When you have read the Bible, you will know it is the word of God, because you will have found it th...
WOODROW WILSON:
Happiness is Modeling. If you want to become happy choose your role models wisely
MED YONES
Freedom means you are unobstructed in living your life as you choose. Anything less is a form of sla...
WAYNE DYER
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
UNKNOWN
People who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.
KATHY LETTE
You can't buy happiness
KURT COBAIN
You use your money to buy privacy because during most of your life you aren't allowed to be normal.
JOHNNY DEPP
Like most misery, it started with apparent happiness.
MARKUS ZUSAK

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX
I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX
Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX
If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX
Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
[When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX
I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX
Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX
And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX
Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX
I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX
I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX