Why are you waiting so long to report your stolen car to the police? I'm giving them time to fix it.

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.

To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.

Sometimes you succeed.... and other times you learn.

I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying.