Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework

I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself into the audience and adjust my pace and tuning to them. I can get into their heads through their ears and through their eyes. Only through this total communication can I really achieve what I'm trying to do.

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.