You scour the Bowery, ransack the Bronx,/ Through funeral parlors and honky-tonks./ From river to river you comb the town/ For a place to lay your family down.

I will teach you my townspeoplehow to perform a funeralfor you have it over a troopof artists--unless one should scour the world--you have the ground sense necessary.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Were it not for frustration and humiliation
I suppose the human race would get ideas above its station.

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind, But it is very difficult to treat because it cannot even be defined, Because everything is not gold that glisters and everything is not a tear that glistens, And one man's remorse is another man's reminiscence

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.