You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians.


Stephen Colbert

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If you're not sincere with it, you shouldn't say anything at all.
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Are you taking us to the beach?" - Dan Cahill
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If you're going to say to all the people that you're working with, 'We want you to treat...
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If you're feeling pressure, then you shouldn't be here.
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It's very cliched to go, 'You're not punk.' We don't care if we are, and we don&...
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I think people need to have fun with whatever they're doing - makeup, their clothes, music, live...
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If you're a kid wanting to be a cartoonist today, and you're looking at Family Guy, you don&...
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You shouldn't be in the music business if you're posing.
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Age shouldn't affect you. It's just like the size of your shoes - they don't determine h...
MORRISSEY
It looks ancient," - Amy Cahill
JUDE WATSON
I don't keep people around me that aren't family. You don't get to stay. Unless you'...
LADY GAGA
When you're drunk, you always think you're not. If you even drink at all don't get behin...
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Life isn't fair, and it isn't government's job to make life fair. But if you're not ...
TAMMY DUCKWORTH
I believe that you're here on Earth for a short time, and while you're here, you shouldn'...
BEA ARTHUR
I don't think you should try to be anything you're not. If you're not smiling all the ti...
ELLE FANNING
Any time you play in a USGA Championship, if you don't drive the ball on the fairway, you're...
TOM WATSON
This is unproven technology, and if you don't know what you're doing, you shouldn't inte...
OLAF CARLSON-WEE
If you're a terrorist, you shouldn't be able to buy a gun.
BILL NELSON
I don't think there's any independent cartoonist whose stuff I don't like or respect in ...
CHRIS WARE
I think if you're half-hearted you shouldn't go into acting.
JANE BADLER
If you don't have any confidence, you're not going to do anything.
STEFON DIGGS
Your children can be around you all day, but if you don't spend quality time with them and you d...
BRANDY NORWOOD
Men don't know much about women. We do know when they're happy. We know when they're cry...
EVAN DAVIS
I don't think you're human if you don't get nervous.
SIDNEY CROSBY
We all in real life put on these masks - we don't swear when we're around certain people... ...
MALIN AKERMAN
I get slightly obsessive about working in archives because you don't know what you're going ...
ANTONY BEEVOR
You don't need money to be free. You can just say if you don't need stuff, you're always...
MALIK BENDJELLOUL
Don't ever humiliate a man. If you're gonna have to dress him out, you take him aside and do...
RIP TORN
If you don't optimize for the consumer on the Internet, you're dead.
DARA KHOSROWSHAHI
For artists of my caliber, we're not played on the radio, so we don't really get a chance to...
BOY GEORGE
You shouldn't change your behavior because a government agency somewhere is doing the wrong thin...
EDWARD SNOWDEN
I love how, when you're a teenager, you're really opinionated, you're really right, you ...
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We shouldn't all be fixated just on what's not available. We should take a step back and loo...
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It SMELLS ancient," - Dan Cahill
JUDE WATSON
Palm trees were fanned by a warm, light breeze, and they rolled down their windows to smell the sea.
JUDE WATSON
If you don't like what you're doing, then don't do it.
RAY BRADBURY
What you don't do, if you're an adult, is decide that you're going to budget things thro...
LEWIS BLACK
Whenever we don't turn the ball over, we're pretty productive. When you're turning the b...
ERIC SNOW
I don't know if it's responsible for kids of my age to be so aggressively pursuing monogamou...
EZRA MILLER
My experience is that when one is in psychosis, you're on a mission and nothing is going to stop...
ELYN SAKS
If you're not having fun - I don't care what you're doing - don't do it. Move on. Fi...
JERRY DOYLE
Sometimes you're not always on or at your best, especially during auditions. So if you go in and...
JACK HUSTON
You better take care of me Lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.
HUNTER S. THOMPSON
I think that if your approach is one where you don't want to alienate anybody, you're going ...
EDDIE VEDDER
You can say we're trying too hard or that we didn't try hard enough, but we're not tryin...
TAYLOR HANSON
Take risks. Ask big questions. Don't be afraid to make mistakes; if you don't make mistakes,...
DAVID PACKARD
We take ourselves so seriously moment by moment, but India shows you a sense of eternity. You're...
FELICITY KENDAL
Any guy hates Valentine's Day. Even if you're in love, you can't win on Valentine's ...
VINCE VAUGHN
If you're just safe about the choices you make, you don't grow.
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If you don't have a Facebook, like, you're nobody. There's all of these sort of requirem...
TAISSA FARMIGA
If you're not willing to take the political heat, then you shouldn't get into the game of la...
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If you're a poker player and you show up at a casino at 8 a.m., you're going to be by yourse...
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I couldn't run a tight schedule, and if you're any good at teaching, you get sucked dry beca...
JIM HARRISON
Let's head out to the ruins." - Dan Cahill
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If you're just a nice guy - you don't let people walk on you - but if you're just a nice...
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If you don't have nerves and a little trepidation about any new project, then I don't think ...
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We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big one...
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If I can be an inspiration for someone, that's fine, but just don't look down on me. Don'...
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Don't come to wild shows if you're just going to talk to your friend about whose shoes you&#...
WATKIN TUDOR JONES
Don't believe the hype. I don't care how many number ones you have at the box office, I don&...
TYLER PERRY
Don't you think you're just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic?
WILLIAM VICKREY
Don't try to be what you're not. If you're nervous, be nervous. If you're shy, be sh...
ADRIANA LIMA
Educators shouldn't be afraid of cliches. You know why? Because kids don't know most of them...
RANDY PAUSCH
If we don't empower ourselves with knowledge, then we're gonna be led down a garden path.
FRAN DRESCHER
We're charging what we're worth and we don't think we're worth $22.50. We take a low...
TRE COOL
Don't waste time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
MARY SCHMICH
When you're young, you don't have any experience - you're charged up, but you're out...
NEIL YOUNG
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CLIFFORD STOLL
If you're looking for the safe choice, you shouldn't be supporting a black guy named Barack ...
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TOBY KEITH
We're looking as far ahead as we can, and we don't get penalized for mistakes.
LARRY NIVEN
If we're weird onstage, I don't know what you'd call the Tubes.
FREDDIE MERCURY
As kids we're not taught how to deal with success; we're taught how to deal with failure. If...
CHARLIE SHEEN
If we can't laugh at ourselves and the human condition, we're going to be mean.
EILEEN BRENNAN
All of us every single year, we're a different person. I don't think we're the same pers...
STEVEN SPIELBERG
If you're quiet, and you don't speak out, you're never going to get anything accomplishe...
CARLI LLOYD
We're all flawed people at the end of the day; I don't know any perfect people.
MICHELLE MONAGHAN
If everyone took personal responsibility for their animals, we wouldn't have a lot of the animal...
BETTY WHITE
About f-f-ace!" she said to the horse, flailing with her boots. "Into the barn, please. It's time fo...
PETER LERANGIS
You see?" Damien leaned over his desk and spread out half a dozen charcoal sketches. "These are only...
RICK RIORDAN
If I'm listening to country, it's Hank Williams, George Jones, Merle Haggard and stuff like ...
BUZZ OSBORNE
We're all just playing our own game. I don't see it as a rivalry. We're just trying to p...
MICHELLE WIE
You're right on the money with that. We're all like detectives in life. There's somethin...
DAVID LYNCH
If you don't flirt, you're probably dead inside.
KATHARINE TOWNE
We're in very bad trouble if we don't understand the planet we're trying to save.
CARL SAGAN
I hate the idea that you shouldn't wear something just because you're a certain age.
MIUCCIA PRADA
If you're gay and you can't hold hands, or you're black and you can't catch a taxi, ...
TONY KUSHNER
Governmental surveillance is not about the government collecting the information you're sharing ...
MIKKO HYPPONEN
Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not.
JAMES LIPTON
The Strokes, you bond when you're 18, and you're friends. The feeling's different. When ...
ALBERT HAMMOND, JR.
If you don't ponder the end of the world on a regular basis, I don't think you're really...
EDAN LEPUCKI
If you're having a down time at school and people are bullying you, they don't know you. The...
MAISIE WILLIAMS
If you want a bourgeois existence, you shouldn't be an actor. You're in the wrong profession...
UTA HAGEN
Life throws many curve balls, and if you don't swing... you're never going to hit any!
TAYLOR HICKS
I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They'...
DENNIS MILLER
I don't think that you can invent on behalf of customers unless you're willing to think long...
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It will happen in time, ... It's Week 2 of a long season.
KEARY COLBERT
We learned that we had some pretty good depth and some of our youth were capable of playing larger r...
ROB COLBERT
Lots of people are on the Internet and it gives them an easy opportunity to help out.
OFFICER COLBERT
In politics nothing is contemptible.
JEAN BAPTISTE COLBERT
Finality is not the language of politics.
JEAN BAPTISTE COLBERT
Let it alone. Let it pass by. [Lat., Laissez faire, laissez passer.]
JEAN BAPTISTE COLBERT
The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers wi...
J. B. COLBERT
The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers ...
J. B. COLBERT
The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest possible amount of fe...
JEAN BAPTISTE COLBERT
The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to get the most feathers with the least his...
JEAN BAPTISTE COLBERT
It is simply, and solely, the abundance of money within a state [which] makes the difference in its ...
JEAN BAPTISTE COLBERT
The fact is, people who can't kill, will always be subject to those who can.
SGT. BRAD 'ICEMAN' COLBERT
The sorrows and disasters of Europe always brought fortune to America.
STEPHEN B. STEPHEN LEACOCK
Every human has four endowments - self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imaginat...
STEPHEN COVEY
Demons manifest themselves in people in different ways. For instance, out of nowhere, somebody can b...
STEPHEN BALDWIN
I was never top of the class at school, but my classmates must have seen potential in me, because my...
STEPHEN HAWKING
Instead, I have an abundance mentality: When people are genuinely happy at the successes of others, ...
STEPHEN COVEY
Sometimes earning awards doesn't matter as much as earning revenue or profit, or having a good r...
STEPHEN CHOW
I think there ought to be some serious discussion by smart people, really smart people, about whethe...
STEPHEN KING
Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition - such as lifting weights - we...
STEPHEN COVEY
A mission statement is not something you write overnight... But fundamentally, your mission statemen...
STEPHEN COVEY
Listen with your eyes for feelings.
STEPHEN COVEY
We are in danger of destroying ourselves by our greed and stupidity. We cannot remain looking inward...
STEPHEN HAWKING
Fiction is the truth inside the lie.
STEPHEN KING
And as a writer, one of the things that I've always been interested in doing is actually invadin...
STEPHEN KING
Each life makes its own immitation of immortality.
STEPHEN KING
I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find th...
STEPHEN KING
You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long a...
STEPHEN KING
When asked, 'How do you write?' I invariably answer, 'one word at a time.'
STEPHEN KING
The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there... and still on your fe...
STEPHEN KING
Let's face it. No kid in high school feels as though they fit in.
STEPHEN KING
We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.
STEPHEN KING
People think that I must be a very strange person. This is not correct. I have the heart of a small ...
STEPHEN KING
Synergy is better than my way or your way. It's our way.
STEPHEN COVEY
Stop setting goals. Goals are pure fantasy unless you have a specific plan to achieve them.
STEPHEN COVEY
Your most important work is always ahead of you, never behind you.
STEPHEN COVEY
Listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply.
STEPHEN COVEY
Our population and our use of the finite resources of planet Earth are growing exponentially, along ...
STEPHEN HAWKING
Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs.
STEPHEN COVEY
The director of 'Independence Day,' 'Godzilla' and 'The Patriot' has certain...
STEPHEN HUNTER
Alliances and partnerships produce stability when they reflect realities and interests.
STEPHEN KINZER