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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.


Ambrose Bierce

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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
AMBROSE BIERCE There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ...
J.J. MCAVOY No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
H. P. LOVECRAFT To a philosopher all news, as it is called, is gossip, and they who edit and read it are old women o...
HENRY DAVID THOREAU To a philosopher all news, as it is called, is gossip, an they who edit and read it are old women ov...
HENRY DAVID THOREAU To a philosopher all news, as it is called, is gossip, and they who edit it and read it are old wome...
HENRY DAVID THOREAU A farmer, a hunter, a soldier, a reporter, even a philosopher, may be daunted; but nothing can deter...
HENRY DAVID THOREAU When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delus...
ROBERT M. PIRSIG The true philosopher is a man who says "All right," and goes to sleep in his armchair.
P.G. WODEHOUSE Humans are in delusion by default, and those who conquer their delusion can understand good and evil...
M.F. MOONZAJER Philosopher is a dictator who modifies accepted standards by his thoughts.
ILKIN SANTAK He is one of those who has had the wilderness for a pillow, and called a star his brother. Alone. Bu...
DAG HAMMARSKJöLD The problem with him is, his mind is conditioned by the thoughts of a philosopher, who denounced all...
DR HITESH C SHETH So what? All writers are lunatics!
CORNELIA FUNKE Those who have the largest hearts, have the soundest understandings; and he is the truest philosophe...
WILLIAM HAZLITT A philosopher who adopts scientific notions predetermines his conclusions.
NICOLAS GOMEZ DAVILA A friend is a possession we earn, not a gift. ....The Lord has declared that those who serve him and...
MARVIN J. ASHTON A man who makes a plate or a shirt or a loaf of bread or anything our great great ancestors called a...
RENé DAUMAL He who esteems trifles for themselves is a trifler; he who esteems them for the conclusions to be dr...
EDWARD BULWER-LYTTON Although he had always been a gentleman till then, he had 'caught his century', a disease impossible...
RACHILDE His belief is a firmly established delusion.
GERALD ZERKIN There's a name for people with an interest in the moon," Alex said. "They're called lunatics.
ANTHONY HOROWITZ Feast of Mary, Martha & Lazarus, Companions of Our Lord The greatest proof of Christianity for o...
T. S. ELIOT I don?t know if this sport is ready for Marcos Ambrose. He?s something else. He?s the biggest racing...
EDDIE WOOD One does not have to be a philosopher to be a successful artist, but he does have to be an artist to...
CRISS JAMI The sovereign is called a tyrant who knows no laws but his caprice.
VOLTAIRE There are four kinds of people in this world: cretins, fools, morons, and lunatics…Cretins don’t...
UMBERTO ECO Sir, that all who are happy, are equally happy, is not true. A peasant and a philosopher may be equa...
SAMUEL JOHNSON He's just a hard worker. You can't analyze his game. He just works hard.
DARREN SANDERLIN A man who leaves home to mend himself and others is a philosopher; but he who goes from country to c...
OLIVER GOLDSMITH I guess we can all conclude we've lost a giant in the sense of the contribution he made to our state...
FRANK MURKOWSKI The Norweigian philosopher Tonnesen said that to think about anything but death is evasion. Society,...
SVEN LINDQVIST He is happy whose circumstances suit his temper, but he is more excellent who can suit his temper to...
DAVID HUME But in answer to your question about the conspiracy angle, I think that any historian worth his salt...
OLIVER STONE The true philosopher is one who makes people believe that he admires what he does not admire.
VIKRANT PARSAI All who are not lunatics are agreed about certain things : That it is better to be alive than dead, ...
BERTRAND RUSSELL A philosopher is [one who] aspires to explain away all mysteries, to dissolve them into light.
HENRI FREDERIC AMIEL He’s not really struggling even for material wealth, but for the second-hander’s delusion—pres...
AYN RAND He is not elevated by good fortune or depressed by bad. His mind is established in God, and he is fr...
BHAGAVAD GITA Christians are called to set people free from the delusion of the world and from the devil’s decei...
SUNDAY ADELAJA Every man is the builder of a temple, called his body, to the god he worships, after a style purely ...
HENRY DAVID THOREAU There was this philosopher-slash-historian called Foucault, who wrote about how society is like this...
ROBYN SCHNEIDER Generally you think that all musicians are hardcore rockers or party-going lunatics, but that's not ...
RAY THOMPSON He is happy whose circumstances suit his temper but he is more excellent who can suit his temper to ...
DAVID HUME The novelist, he's not a philosopher, not a technician of spoken language. He's someone who ...
J. M. G. LE CLEZIO The philosopher is like a man fasting in the midst of universal intoxication. He alone perceives the...
HENRI FREDERIC AMIEL The philosopher is like a man fasting in the midst of universal intoxication. He alone perceives the...
HENRI FREDERIC AMIEL It is never ridicule, but a compliment, that knocks a philosopher off his feet. He is already positi...
CRISS JAMI The strongest amongst you, is not the one who defeats his opponents in a fight but he who can contro...
PROPHET MUHAMMED A human being is part of a whole, called by us the "Universe," a part limited in time and space. H...
UNKNOWN A human being is a part of the whole, called by us Universe, a part limited in time and space. He ex...
MAX FRISCH A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He exp...
ALBERT EINSTEIN A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He ex...
ALBERT EINSTEIN A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He ex...
ALBERT EINSTEIN Who stands fast? Only the man whose final standard is not his reason, his principles, his conscience...
DIETRICH BONHOEFFER My concern with religion is that it allows us by the millions to believe what only lunatics or idiot...
SAM HARRIS A philosopher who uses his professional competence for anything other except a disinterested search ...
BERTRAND RUSSELL suffering from election-year delusion if he thinks his record on the environment is anything to be p...
RALPH NADER A manager is not a person who can do the work better than his men; he is a person who can get his me...
FREDERICK W. SMITH A man is not an elder because his head is grey; his age may be ripe, but he is called 'Old-in-vain.'
FRIEDRICH MAX MULLER No philosopher understands his predecessors until he has re-thought their thought in his own contemp...
P. F. STRAWSON He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
DOUGLAS ADAMS He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher...or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
DOUGLAS ADAMS Most people in this society who aren't actively mad are, at best, reformed or potential lunatics.
SUSAN SONTAG The greatest delusion of all is not realizing that you are always delusional.
AARON SANTOS A German philosopher once wrote that he who fights monsters must take care that he doesn't become on...
ANTHONY HOROWITZ He who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he that loses his courage lose...
MIGUEL DE CERVANTES He who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he that loses his courage lose...
MIGUEL DE CERVANTES SAAVEDRA How can you tell when the devil is lying? His lips are moving.
CRAIG GROESCHEL He loves college football; his heart is in it. He wants the Buffs to win - you can feel it - but he'...
BOBBY ANDERSON All children are love children, he said, but only the best ones are ever called that.
PAUL AUSTER Slavery is so intolerable a condition that the slave can hardly escape deluding himself into thinkin...
W. H. AUDEN You are crazy!" whispered Meggie. "You're a total lunatic!"

But her opinion did no...
CORNELIA FUNKE It's a pity. I don't know who he is to you... But you are disgusting. To claim you fight for his hon...
CHARLES LEE Schizoid behavior is a pretty common thing in children. It's accepted, because all we adults have th...
STEPHEN KING The Greek philosopher Epictetus recognised this two thousand years ago when he wrote: ‘What distur...
ROBERT HARRIS When all are talking, no one is probably listening; but if no one is speaking then perhaps all are o...
ANUJ SOMANY I have an independent record label called Favored Nations on which I released an album by an artist ...
STEVE VAI He who can follow his own will is a king
IRISH SAYINGS Be a philosopher; but, amidst all your philosophy, be still a man.
DAVID HUME Be a philosopher but, amid all your philosophy be still a man
DAVID HUME Be a philosopher but, amid all your philosophy be still a man.
DAVID HUME Perhaps this is why lunatics have a harder time dating, not because they are off the wall but becaus...
ELIF SHAFAK Who is strong? He that can conquer his bad Habits. Who is rich? He that rejoices in his Portion.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN I saw a picture of you and Vincent in a 1968 newspaper that said you died in a fire," I said, turnin...
AMY PLUM There are two enemies to every bill proposed in Congress, the fools who favor it and the lunatics wh...
SOURCE UNKNOWN We are not won by arguments that we can analyze, but by tone and temper; by the manner, which is the...
SAMUEL BUTLER We are not won by arguments that we can analyze, but by tone and temper; by the manner, which is the...
LOUIS D. BRANDEIS We are not won by arguments that we can analyze but by tone and temper, by the manner which is the m...
SAMUEL BUTLER God always has His chosen people who are called to deliver a nation – remnant
SUNDAY ADELAJA Astrology, or when the stars enlighten illuminated who dazzle a bunch of lunatics.
PAUL CARVEL Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usuall...
H. L. MENCKEN He's not a philosopher. He won't have a cup of coffee with the media and describe the inner mind of ...
ALAN SIMPSON Camus believed in dialogue and diplomacy, and enlisted his work as a philosopher to the need to find...
MICHEL ONFRAY The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make. �...
VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE Most people in this society who aren't actively mad are, at best, reformed or potential lunatics...
SUSAN SONTAG Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance wit...
OSCAR WILDE Of what use is a philosopher who doesn't hurt anybody's feelings?
DIOGENES Of what use is a philosopher who doesn't hurt anybody's feelings?
DIOGENES OF SINOPE By thinking globally I can analyze all phenomena, but when it comes to acting, it can only be local ...
JACQUES ELLUL

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Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e...
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Doubt is the father of invention.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e...
AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand...
AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g...
AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes...
AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
AMBROSE BIERCE Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co...
AMBROSE BIERCE Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no...
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan...
AMBROSE BIERCE Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover...
AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t...
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen...
AMBROSE BIERCE Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE A man is known by the company he organizes.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
AMBROSE BIERCE Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta...
AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please...
AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl...
AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ...
AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free.
AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad...
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha...
AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does.
AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie...
AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou...
AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi...
AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima...
AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde...
AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus...
AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com...
AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc...
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh...
AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of...
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci...
AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s...
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai...
AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the...
AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ...
AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa...
AMBROSE BIERCE The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.
AMBROSE BIERCE