Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.


Erma Bombeck

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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
ERMA BOMBECK
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. -Erma Bombeck.
ERMA BOMBECK
We hit a bad stretch there of about three games where we struggled. Now we're getting back to where ...
JEFF ZICKAFOOSE
We've played three good games in a row. We're scoring and playing good defense.
LEA HERNDON
That's about three games in a row now that we've been scoring with two outs.
GARY MINER
There aren't too many games on Tuesday. Anybody that likes football will be watching us play.
BERNARD DAVIS
An atheist is a guy who watches a Nôtre Dame - SMU football game and doesn't care who wins
DWIGHT DAVID EISENHOWER
I've seen Mike in a lot of basketball games and I have never seen him miss three in a row from the l...
DUSTIN WERDT
Our defense has let us down three games in a row. We don't shoot well enough to play catch-up.
JAKE GOLDY
All playwrights should be dead for three hundred years.
JOSEPH L. MANKIEWICZ
The fly that should be dead and the dog that should be dead in the house that should be dead, and th...
NANCY HOLDER
Pittsburgh deserved to win; they played better than we did. To do what they've done three weeks in a...
MIKE SHANAHAN
That makes two games in a row that (we have allowed) teams to score three runs with two outs. It's a...
WAYNE HOLLEMAN
Bob said in the beginning of the week we have three games in a row. The only way to keep this thing ...
TONY MEOLA
I declared that the dead, who had already died, Are happier than the living, who are still alive
BIBLE
Why should anybody be interested in some old man who was a failure?
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
The first season didn't go the way we wanted it to. [Now] we have three in a row, [and] we've got 27...
KYLE KORVER
He's pitched three days in a row so he won't be in there.
JOHN GIBBONS
He should be 6-0; he's given up three earned runs in three games. That's tough, in high school, to s...
JEFF FLOWERS
We have some guys who understand what it takes. We've played in some tough games as a basketball tea...
COREY GADSON
Again, we gave up a run in the first inning. That's three games in a row we gave up a run in the fir...
CURT SMITH
If you play high school football in the city, this is the game you want to play. We're looking forwa...
CHRIS JONES
If the IOC finds them guilty of a doping violation they would be declared ineligible for the Games.
GISELLE DAVIES
He has pitched three days in a row and won't be available tonight.
JOHN GIBBONS
It means a lot to win six games in a row. We can compete with the best teams in the league. I think ...
JASON CHIMERA
We won three in a row, we lost three in a row and we can very easily win three in a row again. What ...
ROD BARNES
I don't like the idea of playing five conference games in a row.
JAY JACOBS
With declines three days in a row, you know it must be earnings season,
ART HOGAN
I'd like to make it four in a row and then we have three tough games we have to mentally be ready fo...
DAVE IRWIN
I don't think anybody should write his autobiography until after he's dead.
SAMUEL GOLDWYN
I give their guy credit. If you can't hit, you don't deserve to be here. I've got a bunch of seniors...
CHRIS HOUSTON
I think we could play against anybody who has ever played in college football,
DON JAMES
It gets heated, but I usually wax him. He likes to say he wins because one day he won three in a row...
WAYNE ELLINGTON
We've won three games in a row with Cocke County up Monday and we've got a little momentum, which is...
MIKE WRIGHT
Two games in a row, he's played really strong. That's important.
GARY MCCULLOCH
We never had anybody who froze to death playing football. You probably had somebody who died from he...
BUD GRANT
I just want silence... nothing less... nothing more.
DEYTH BANGER
Over the last three years just playing college football, you learn how to manage games better,
CHRIS LEAK
I still have confidence in this team but they have to have confidence in themselves. Everybody has t...
JEFF GUIOT
A flag goes up after three days in a row.
JOE TORRE
It's a deal that started out 24 years ago with three or four of us that were tired of sitting around...
JEFF ARNOLD
Anybody who watches the show, no matter what their culture, will hopefully have a desire to learn ab...
JANIELLE CHRISTENSEN
I think we've had three years in a row of above-average rainfalls.
BRIAN DUPLESSIS
Anybody who asks for democracy to be introduced should respect the results of democracy.
ISMAIL HANIYEH
I'm almost tired of the emotions after games like this. That's three weeks in a row; I'm ready for a...
CLINTON PORTIS
If he's not the best freshman in the conference, I want to know who is. He's been solid now for six ...
CHARLES RAMSEY
I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you ...
WOODY ALLEN
Voter apathy is a civic abdication.
CHARLES M. BLOW
I'd like to wrap it up with three in a row and be national champions next year.
O.J. MAYO
I'm motivated and focused to make it three titles in a row, but it won't be easy.
CARLOS MOYA
Shayne is trying to decide where he's going to play college football, and rather than have him miss ...
JAY GROTH
Hartford is a good team, no lead is safe. But we held our composure. We were pretty focused. We had ...
JASON CASSARINO
Anybody who knows football knows that everything starts up front on both sides of the ball,
JARED ALLEN
To participate in a World Cup is a great honour and achievement. I've played in three World Cups...
VIRENDER SEHWAG
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
ERMA BOMBECK
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a s...
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn'...
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly ad...
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Children make your life important.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout...
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrige...
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In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
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When God Created Mothers"

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth ...
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of ta...
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
ERMA BOMBECK
But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless.
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When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.
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Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?
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You already know something you don't even know that you know.
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Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popula...
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God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
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How does a doctor feel when he loses a patient in the emergency room? The same way a child feels wh...
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I finally found a doctor with a lot of patients, and he didn't have any patience to listen to me.
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What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hol...
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times...
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when...
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of ta...
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: Checkout Time...
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I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearin...
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's ha...
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We've got a generation now who were born with semi equality. They don't know how it was before, so t...
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned,...
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If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.
ERMA BOMBECK
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECK
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed un...
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity...
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigera...
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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When God was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. An angel nearby said, What kind of fath...
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're mergi...
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's...
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More Erma Bombeck

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
ERMA BOMBECK
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a s...
ERMA BOMBECK
If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn'...
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly ad...
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Children make your life important.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout...
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrige...
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In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
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When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth ...
ERMA BOMBECK
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of ta...
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless.
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When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.
ERMA BOMBECK
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?
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You already know something you don't even know that you know.
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Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popula...
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God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
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How does a doctor feel when he loses a patient in the emergency room? The same way a child feels wh...
ERMA BOMBECK
I finally found a doctor with a lot of patients, and he didn't have any patience to listen to me.
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What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hol...
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
ERMA BOMBECK
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
ERMA BOMBECK
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
ERMA BOMBECK
There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
ERMA BOMBECK
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
ERMA BOMBECK
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times...
ERMA BOMBECK
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when...
ERMA BOMBECK
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of ta...
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: Checkout Time...
ERMA BOMBECK
I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearin...
ERMA BOMBECK
My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's ha...
ERMA BOMBECK
We've got a generation now who were born with semi equality. They don't know how it was before, so t...
ERMA BOMBECK
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned,...
ERMA BOMBECK
If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.
ERMA BOMBECK
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed un...
ERMA BOMBECK
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity...
ERMA BOMBECK
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigera...
ERMA BOMBECK
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECK
When God was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. An angel nearby said, What kind of fath...
ERMA BOMBECK
You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're mergi...
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's...
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Never accept a drink from a Urologist.
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I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffer ...
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Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. -Erma Bombeck.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding...
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Skiing: I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill
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I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food
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Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contempora...
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their...
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffe...
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of ta...
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Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold ...
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Great dreams... never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dream...
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of ...
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I...
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For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my hu...
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It&#...
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it w...
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Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gift...
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians ...
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you...
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of ta...
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a st...
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People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same...
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On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the s...
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog ...
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are u...
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the...
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishe...
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Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend-and he's a priest.
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A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
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Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, No, thank you, to dessert that night. And for...
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Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoo...
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All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white...
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians ...
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.
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It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
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I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from...
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
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God created man, but I could do better.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got ...
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As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I ...
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In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
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I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many fa...
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A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
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Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for ...
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Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
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When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if ...
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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If I had my life to live over...

Someone asked me the other day if I had my life t...
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There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after s...
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When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if...
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along. . . .
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Dreams have but one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents nev...
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, ...
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Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've nev...
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are thre...
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others
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I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. BY all accou...
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Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, "No, thank you," to dessert that night. And f...
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Never order food in excess of your body weight.
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The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going to...
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all ...
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Phrases and their actual meanings: "My teacher has never liked me." Expect a phone call before lunch...
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Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the...
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 dire...
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten...
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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I was going to have inner peace if I had to break a few heads to do it.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerato...
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Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishe...
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have ...
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the k...
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A child develops individuality long before he discovers taste
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Housework can kill you if done right
ERMA BOMBECK
People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same...
ERMA BOMBECK
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ''Checkout Ti...
ERMA BOMBECK
What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
ERMA BOMBECK
The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had ...
ERMA BOMBECK
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
ERMA BOMBECK
There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's...
ERMA BOMBECK
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
ERMA BOMBECK
The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect ...
ERMA BOMBECK
Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but moth...
ERMA BOMBECK
I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying "Open!"...
ERMA BOMBECK
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work...
ERMA BOMBECK
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned...
ERMA BOMBECK
At some point in your life if you're lucky you throw practicality to the wind and start living.
ERMA BOMBECK
There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've...
ERMA BOMBECK
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that ...
ERMA BOMBECK
For years [my wedding ring] has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my ...
ERMA BOMBECK
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
ERMA BOMBECK
Girls mature faster than boys, cost more to raise, and statistics show that the old saw about girls ...
ERMA BOMBECK
If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?
ERMA BOMBECK
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until...
ERMA BOMBECK
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
ERMA BOMBECK
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of ...
ERMA BOMBECK
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
ERMA BOMBECK
There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it...
ERMA BOMBECK
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
ERMA BOMBECK
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
ERMA BOMBECK
How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
ERMA BOMBECK
What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
ERMA BOMBECK
Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You're glitter glue.
ERMA BOMBECK
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all...
ERMA BOMBECK
You couldn't get me on Mars if it were the last place on earth.
ERMA COHEN
Companions were not allowed to lie. I don’t know why. I had tried a few times when I was young to ...
ERMA I TALAMANTE