As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.
Ambrose Bierce
Related INADMISSIBLE, adj. Not competent to be considered. Said of certain kinds of testimony which juries a... AMBROSE BIERCE I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES You're still lovely," Mor said a bit gently. Elain offered a half smile. "I suppose that war m... SARAH J. MAAS The issue isn't whether he loved you, it's how much. Too much. Love can be poison SARAH J. MAAS I am broken and healing, but every piece of my heart belong to you. SARAH J. MAAS He thinks he'll be remembered as the villain in the story. But I forgot to tell him that the villain... SARAH J. MAAS You do what you love, what you need SARAH J. MAAS I turned. Rhysand leaned against the archway into the sitting room, arms crossed, wings nowhere... SARAH J. MAAS For starters, that’s a rather simple principle of Time Travel right there – and according to the... CHRISTINA ENGELA To stand on the brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation—with no feeli... ASK AND IT IS GIVEN The whole concept of witches was that women were speaking up for themselves and fighting for their r... MADCHEN AMICK Each man lives in his own universe and when he dies the world is over BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA I want to share this bed with you, though," I breathed. "I want you to hold me." Stars flicker... SARAH J. MAAS If much in the world were mystery the limits of that world were not, for it was without measure or b... CORMAC MCCARTHY She was infamous once upon a time. She's legendary now. The girl is a definite force to be reckoned ... REBECCA HARRIS Women were free in older times when the Islamic nation was strong. There are so many examples in his... TAWAKKOL KARMAN Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold ... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Hodor," said Hodor. GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I was not a pet, not a doll, not an animal. I was a survivor, and I was strong. I would no... SARAH J. MAAS I sipped from my wine. "And if he had grabbed me?" There was nothing but uncompromising w... SARAH J. MAAS There you are. I've been looking for you. His first words to me— not a lie at a... SARAH J. MAAS I was not prey any longer, I decided as I eased up to that door. And I was not a mouse. I ... SARAH J. MAAS No one was my master— but I might be master of everything, if I wished. If I dared. SARAH J. MAAS He drained his glass. "I made a mistake." "It's not the end of the world if you do that every n... SARAH J. MAAS I will kill anyone who harms you," Rhys snarled. "I will kill them, and take a damn long time doing ... SARAH J. MAAS Would you like me to grovel with gratitude for bringing me here, High Lord?" "Ah. The Suriel to... SARAH J. MAAS I frowned at the eye in my palm. "What, literally shout at the tattoo?" "You could try rubbing ... SARAH J. MAAS Life, they urge, would be intolerable if men were to be guided in all they did by reason and reason ... SAMUEL BUTLER Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you... C. JOYBELL C. Here is one fact 1 minute to finish the class, 1 day to die, one day behind that fact, one day in th... DEYTH BANGER And what good is a voice when so few will listen? STACEY JAY I'm always highly irritated by people who imply that writing fiction is an escape from reality. It i... FLANNERY O'CONNOR Hard to restrain, unstable is this mind; it flits wherever it lists. Good it is to control the mind.... GAUTAMA BUDDHA I would suggest that especially in the differential of images that arise, in the inflections that we... LORILIAI BIERNACKI I would suggest that especially in the differential of images that arise, in the inflections that we... LORILIAI BIERNACKI Life is neither a glorious highlight reel nor a monstrous tragedy. Every day is a good day to live a... KILROY J. OLDSTER Your life today is the result of a series of decisions you made that have caused you to arrive where... CHRIS PRENTISS He wanted to argue like this forever. This was better than nothing. There was no exhausting his ange... DAVID DUCHOVNY Make every day count... Even when you think it's the worst day of your life; for you never know when... SOLANGE NICOLE To the people who look at the stars and wish, Rhys." Rhys clinked his glass against mine. “To... SARAH J. MAAS Males are horrible creatures, aren’t they? SARAH J. MAAS When you spend so long trapped in darkness, you find that the darkness begins to stare back. SARAH J. MAAS Many atrocities, have been done in the name of the greater good. SARAH J. MAAS But I forgot to tell him,” I said quietly, opening the door, “that the villain is usually the pe... SARAH J. MAAS She made a fence of phrases, which seemed a treachery to herself. ELIZABETH TAYLOR You are the blood of the dragon. You can make a hat. GEORGE R.R. MARTIN We have tears in our eyes As we wave our goodbyes, We so loved being with you, we three. ROALD DAHL Pastor Smith did not have the religious constitution needed to provide salvation for any of us who�... CHERYL R COWTAN But that had been grief--this was joy. Yet that grief and this joy were alike outside all the ordina... LEO TOLSTOY Absoballylutely top hole, wot. A and B the C of D I'd say. . . Above and Beyond the Call of Duty. BRIAN JACQUES Birth and Death are words we chose to describe the doorways in and out of a cycle. This cycle is con... FRANKLIN GILLETTE oh. she heard it too-no waters coursing, canyon empty, sun soundless- ... BARBARA BLATNER I could simply kill you now, get it over with, who would know the difference... BARBARA BLATNER ...gripping the rim of the sink you claw your way to stand and cling there, ... BARBARA BLATNER There is that in the soul of man which must respond to the highest in virtue. It may not respond at ... W.E. (WILLIAM EDWIN) SANGSTER Time is life. Time for birth, time for death. LAILAH GIFTY AKITA It was frustrating to still be in the dark about something and be given only so little light. LAUREN LOLA I realized that day that blessings come in a variety of shapes, colors, and sizes. CRAIG GROESCHEL Clay in the hands of a good potter suffers so many good turns, but in the end, we see its real and t... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH The passenger liner Ossifar Distana was one of the most luxurious of its kind in space anywhere. It ... CHRISTINA ENGELA 37. It is better to be single and unhappy than unhappily married. JAMES C. DOBSON the problem of life was as simple as it was classic. Politics offered no difficulties, for there the... HENRY ADAMS blue-gold sky, fresh cloud, emerald-black mountain, trees on rocky ledges, o... BARBARA BLATNER In Rome it seems as if there were so many things which are more wanted in the world than pictures. GEORGE ELIOT Based on the evidence that we had the matters that are set out in the complain and affidavit, it was... MELISSA O'ROURKE In a world in which the common rule which binds and regulates what the general masses feel is underm... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH If it were proved to me that in making war, my ideal had a chance of being realized, I would still s... LOUIS LECOIN Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchc... NEIL GAIMAN Why do we always begin to think about people when they die? I think we should think about people whi... C. JOYBELL C. Because death is the only thing that could have ever kept him from you. ALLY CARTER To fear death, gentlemen, is no other than to think oneself wise when one is not, to think one knows... SOCRATES The battle of life is, in most cases, fought uphill; and to win it without a struggle were perhaps t... SAMUEL SMILES There are so many ingredients that are contained in 'The Wall' that were not necessarily con... NICK MASON 6 Ways To Give Your Mind A Break: 1. Stop stressing 2. Stop worrying 3. Give re... GERMANY KENT It was human nature. You didn't give everything away; if you did, you would have nothing left. ... JOHN CONNOLLY Dreams, just dreams, it's all illusion BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA And then split his own cranium in half. I would like to see you do that yourself Blore. It would tak... LOMBARD PHILIP LOMBARD We die a day at a time BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA [Y]ou weren't born with a talent for witchcraft: it didn't come easily; you worked hard at it becaus... TERRY PRATCHETT You were many wonderful things to many people before you met him--don't let this one event define wh... MARY ESSELMAN God created us in his image, male and female, with personhood and sexual passions, so that when he c... JOHN PIPER Who are we if not the stories we pass down? What happens when there's no one left to tell those stor... CARRIE RYAN Anger - a beast within us that needs taming. SARU SINGHAL History is a wheel, for the nature of man is fundamentally unchanging. What has happened before will... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN There were so many elements, which is typical of them. To be in business for so long and remain inde... GLENDA BAILEY There are so many women who contributed in a very real way in pushing for the space program during t... MAHERSHALA ALI THE DECLARATION of the Rights of Man at the end of the eighteenth century was a turning point in his... HANNAH ARENDT Eros (or call it lust if you will), is like a beautiful, magnificent Afghan Hound! A pure white Afgh... C. JOYBELL C. I often wonder whether we do not rest our hopes too much upon constitutions, upon laws and upon cour... JUDGE LEARNED HAND If in barbed wire things can bloom, why couldn't I? I will not die, I will not die. FRIEDL AND THE CHILDREN OF TEREZIN Fujimori has repeatedly claimed that there is no evidence against him and that these charges are not... JOSE MIGUEL VIVANCO One of the things that always fascinated me about the Renaissance was that it was a time both of gre... MARIE RUTKOSKI I know myself as a human entity; the scene, so to speak, or thoughts are affection; and am sensible ... HENRY DAVID THOREAU There are different kinds of darkness,” Rhys said. I kept my eyes shut. “There is the darkness t... SARAH J. MAAS Come on, Feyre. We don’t bite. Unless you ask us to. SARAH J. MAAS My mate. Death incarnate. Night triumphant. SARAH J. MAAS If you were going to die, I was going to die with you. I couldn’t stop thinking it over and over a... SARAH J. MAAS We need hope, or else we cannot endure. SARAH J. MAAS What emerged, of course, was that the magnitude scale presupposed that all earthquakes were alike ex... CHARLES FRANCIS RICHTER The wonder of the life of Jesus is this -- and you will find it so and you have found it so if you h... PHILLIPS BROOKS
More Ambrose Bierce
Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. AMBROSE BIERCE Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e... AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,... AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. AMBROSE BIERCE Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ... AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Doubt is the father of invention. AMBROSE BIERCE Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ... AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. AMBROSE BIERCE Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ... AMBROSE BIERCE Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions. AMBROSE BIERCE Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone. AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b... AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e... AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand... AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage. AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps. AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean , n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g... AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. AMBROSE BIERCE Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m... AMBROSE BIERCE Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi... AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th... AMBROSE BIERCE Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on. AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others. AMBROSE BIERCE Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ... AMBROSE BIERCE An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE A temporary insanity curable by marriage. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes... AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. AMBROSE BIERCE Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat. AMBROSE BIERCE Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co... AMBROSE BIERCE Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no... AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows. AMBROSE BIERCE Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan... AMBROSE BIERCE Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi... AMBROSE BIERCE Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify. AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull. AMBROSE BIERCE Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover... AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect. AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support. AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un... AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t... AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result. AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. AMBROSE BIERCE All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. AMBROSE BIERCE Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live. AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy. AMBROSE BIERCE A man is known by the company he organizes. AMBROSE BIERCE Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti... AMBROSE BIERCE Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me! AMBROSE BIERCE Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire. AMBROSE BIERCE Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta... AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you. AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state. AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis... AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please... AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont... AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl... AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give... AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien... AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C. AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ... AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker. AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws. AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense. AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k... AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip. AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free. AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti... AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad... AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age. AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha... AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does. AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom... AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen. AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie... AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world. AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou... AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o... AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead. AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart. AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso... AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi... AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ... AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte... AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in... AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima... AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ... AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o... AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde... AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy. AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus... AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com... AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m... AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So... AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie... AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc... AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact. AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh... AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover. AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of... AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci... AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s... AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters. AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed. AMBROSE BIERCE Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai... AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. AMBROSE BIERCE Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking. AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ... AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke... AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor... AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ... AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the... AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ... AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up. AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist , n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. AMBROSE BIERCE Positive , adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater , n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa... AMBROSE BIERCE The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge. AMBROSE BIERCE