Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around.

Freedom means the freedom to be stupid, and that's what I want.

The first thing I said to myself on 9/11 was, 'There go our civil rights.' I found out by comparing notes later that George Carlin and I both said that at the exact same time. That's the first thing that popped into our head.

And we realized it was time to do a show underwater. Magic needs a good head-soaking.

Every nut who kills people has a Bible lying around.

I was about 12 when I heard my first Lenny Bruce record. He was already dead. But it changed my life and really did change the world.