But first, the news: The House of Commons was sealed off today after police chased an escaped lunatic through the front door during Prime Minister's question time. A spokesman at Scotland Yard said it was like looking for a needle in a haystack.

No prime minister in Britain will ever be able to go to war without the endorsement of a majority of the House of Commons.

Five decades ago, as India's first prime minister, Jawaharlal Nehru, began visibly ailing, the nation and the world were consumed by the question: 'After Nehru, who?' The inexpressible fear lay in the subtext to the question: 'After Nehru, what?'

The man who invented the zip fastener was today honoured with a lifetime peerage. He'll now be known as the Lord of the Flies.

I'm the guy everybody wanted to live next door. They just didn't want me to be prime minister.

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.