Comedians are really writers who don't have pens and pencils about them, but they riff.


Carl Reiner

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Comedians are really writers who don't have pens and pencils about them, but they riff.
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At one point, I thought that maybe humor was the best way to deal with it. I figured maybe I should ...
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Unfortunately, 'chick flick' has become a term to describe most movies that I don't even...
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Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently d...
JIM GAFFIGAN
When you go somewhere like Kenya and you see how the children don't have pencils and pens, and a...
NAOMIE HARRIS
People who are disenfranchised politically and people who are poor often don't vote. They often ...
JOYCE CAROL OATES
Many writers can't make a living. So to be able to teach how to write is valuable to them. But I...
CHINUA ACHEBE
Internet mailing lists are like Fox television shows. They have really cool previews, and they get y...
JOHN DOBBIN
I was always a big fan of Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner's '2000-Year-Old Man' sketch. I thi...
SCOTT AUKERMAN
I don't think that there are very many good writers who don't live without a sense of tensio...
JOHN LE CARRE
There are other writers who try for subtle and minimalists effects, but I don't travel in that t...
PAT CONROY
Psychopaths are actually, really, really, really rare in our culture, are people who don't... Or...
ANNIE PARISSE
I say to people who care for people who are dying, if you really love that person and want to help t...
ELISABETH KUBLER-ROSS
People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they r...
OGDEN NASH
Well, certainly I don't think that there are very many good writers who don't live without a...
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They're fancy talkers about themselves, writers. If I had to give young writers advice, I would ...
LILLIAN HELLMAN
We are chained, but you just don't realise it...
DEYTH BANGER
I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.
MIKE BIRBIGLIA
Most American writers don't get asked their opinion on current affairs, whereas in Europe and En...
SALMAN RUSHDIE
I think there are a lot more writers who are actors than you know; they just don't have roles on...
DANNY STRONG
I don't have role models or watch much TV. I go to awards ceremonies but often I don't even ...
CHRISTOPHER PARKER
A lot of comedians get a bad rep once they have kids and that's all they talk about, and people ...
TIG NOTARO
Her father had brought her a bookbag. It had pencils and pens in it and even a yo-yo to play with. S...
PHYLLIS HUNTER
Writers divide into those who write biting their nails and those who don't. Some writers write l...
ITALO CALVINO
Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not.
JAMES LIPTON
I'm not one of those women writers who are obsessed by their ego, possibly because I don't h...
ELFRIEDE JELINEK
Driving a cab is not really a nurturing type of relationship. You take people and they tip you, they...
PAM GRIER
I write everything with fountain pens. I don't know why. I've done it since I was bar mitzva...
TONY KUSHNER
Normally, most writers don't say, 'I'm going into a mild hypnotic trance.' Typically...
MADISON SMARTT BELL
Why is it that we want what we don't have, yet we can't see what we do have?
ANTHONY T. HINCKS
I don't pay attention to celebrities. I don't photograph them. They don't dress so... in...
BILL CUNNINGHAM
I don't have them down here asking me what my urban agenda is. I don't find them really doin...
MAXINE WATERS
When you think you are ready you are not ready.
When you are not ready you are ready...
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Women don't want to exchange places with men. Male chauvinists, science-fiction writers and come...
GLORIA STEINEM
I feel like you have to tell people who you are, but you don't have to be disrespectful about it...
KEKE PALMER
There are many people in the world who really don't understand-or say they don't-what is the...
JOHN F. KENNEDY
Carl Reiner. He had an entrenched sense of glee; he used humor as a gentle way of speaking difficult...
STEVE MARTIN
We're not going to cure terrorism and spread peace and goodwill in the Middle East by killing in...
CINDY SHEEHAN
There are lots of women tennis players, for instance, but because not many of them seem to have much...
DALEY THOMPSON
I don't think the scientific method and the science fictional method are really analogous. The t...
FREDERIK POHL
We don't really know who killed Martin Luther King. We don't really know who killed Bobby Ke...
CYNTHIA MCKINNEY
People in the North are really taciturn and reticent, and they don't really like to talk about t...
ADRIAN MCKINTY
Songs are out there - they're waiting to be grabbed. I start with a phrase, musical and lyrical,...
RONNIE WOOD
I'm one of those writers who tends to be really good at making outlines and sticking to them. I&...
NEIL GAIMAN
The fact is, unlike a lot of writers, I credit the people who help me. A lot of writers out there ha...
GRAYDON CARTER
Some writers are curiously unmusical. I don't get it. I don't get them. For me, music is ess...
BARRY HANNAH
People like casting me as these characters who definitely have an edge to them, but I don't real...
BLAIR REDFORD
We're really quite nice and friendly, but everyone has a beastly side to them, don't they?
SID VICIOUS
Dancers are stripped enough onstage. You don't have to know more about them than they've giv...
MIKHAIL BARYSHNIKOV
I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedia...
DEMETRI MARTIN
I don't really understand why so many fantasy writers choose to focus on worlds that just seem s...
N. K. JEMISIN
It's really irritating. Even people who like my work sometimes come up to me and say, 'I usu...
CHELSEA PERETTI
I do a lot of referendums. They can't talk back. They don't have wives. They don't have ...
ROGER STONE
To me, the great joy of writing is discovering. Most writers are told to write about what they know,...
TOM WOLFE
It is one of my pet hates when I see players who have agents who do everything for them. They don...
GARY NEVILLE
A lot of the tabloid stories are written so well, they're very clever and very funny. But you ha...
CALISTA FLOCKHART
Traveling, I've met Ghanaian people who have seen me in minor stuff, but they see the name Ato E...
ATO ESSANDOH
I play guys who are willing to go really far. If the dung really hits the fan, I don't know if I...
ELIAS KOTEAS
If you are dissatisfied with what you have,
Then you will never be satisfied with what you have...
ANTHONY T. HINCKS
I just worry about the girls who look up to me. I don't want them to think I starve myself or do...
ELLEN POMPEO
I don't want my books to exclude anyone, but if they have to, then I would rather they excluded ...
NICK HORNBY
Just because you haven't got a home, doesn't make you homeless.
and
Just because you don't...
ANTHONY T. HINCKS
Don't be afraid to be who you really are. Enjoy it and don't take it and yourself so serious...
SHAWN MICHAELS
Presents don't really mean much to me. I don't want to sound mawkish, but - it was the reali...
GABRIEL BYRNE
Don't let your characters tell you what to do. They can be pushy. Some writers say that they cre...
CHELSEA CAIN
You can't learn to write in college. It's a very bad place for writers because the teachers ...
RAY BRADBURY
The writers led by Mike Scully are fantastic. And they're creating original stories that not onl...
MATT GROENING
Let's face it, the great comedians now that are handicapped in the looks department are tremendo...
JACK BLACK
But I've really learned you don't have to fit in. No matter where you go, you're always ...
JENA MALONE
I don't know how many people there are with a million dollars who are inclined to give it to a w...
DANA STABENOW
I had been on this improv team at this really great improv theater. It's called iO now. It used ...
VANESSA BAYER
I have ideas that I think might be amusing, and I try them, and if they look right, I carry them out...
IRIS APFEL
I feel like a lot of comedians do have that deep, dark thing. I have my stuff, but I don't go to...
KALEY CUOCO
Sometimes these kids just picked up a stick and scratched letters on the ground. Their parents could...
CHRIS CHAN
I don't really like to talk about other people. I think people who have things going on in their...
ABIGAIL BRESLIN
I think a lot of writers, male and female, write as if their parents were killed in a car accident w...
MINDY KALING
I don't really have a favorite bass player. I listen to a lot of bluegrass. But then again, I...
MIKE GORDON
When students leave college, they are like children who know nothing about the problems of life, and...
OSCAR NIEMEYER
There have been times when people who weren't my friends all of a sudden became my friend. I won...
LALAINE
Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you ha...
LOUIS C. K.
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they...
GEORGE CARLIN
Even people who believe they deserve to be happy and have nice things often don't feel worthy on...
OPRAH WINFREY
People buy a chair, and they don't really care who designed it.
ARNE JACOBSEN
I romanticize. I live with the ghosts of Elvis and Frank Sinatra. It seems so glamorous. They were A...
BRANDON FLOWERS
I don't know that much about who directs what movies, but I'm definitely inspired by the loo...
LANA DEL REY
I don't really watch TV series because I don't want to get hooked on them and have them suck...
M. WARD
When you are not missing something, longing for something, you don't really think about it that ...
DANICA PATRICK
I don't believe that there are no spiritual beings around us. I don't know what to call them...
MARTHA BECK
Animals don't have anyone to protect them. If we don't stand up, the people who are harming ...
PAUL RODRIGUEZ
A lot of people who curate in the business, and curate the art, don't really have good artistic ...
Q-TIP
The thing I find really scary about ghosts and demons is that you don't really know what they ar...
OREN PELI
I got interested in the question of literacy because writers are always moaning about why more peopl...
ROBERT HASS
I hate writing about personal stuff. I don't have a Facebook page. I don't use my Twitter ac...
ELON MUSK

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I would be amazed if you didn't.
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I have always felt that a woman has the right to treat the subject of her age with ambiguity until, ...
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In our obscurity - in all this vastness - there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to sav...
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Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
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The dangers of not thinking clearly are much greater now than ever before. It's not that there&#...
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A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.
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The Christian missionary may preach the gospel to the poor naked heathen, but the spiritual heathen ...
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Everyone knows nowadays that people 'have complexes'. What is not so well known, though far ...
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I have treated many hundreds of patients. Among those in the second half of life - that is to say, o...
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The debt we owe to the play of imagination is incalculable.
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Great talents are the most lovely and often the most dangerous fruits on the tree of humanity. They ...
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Man needs difficulties; they are necessary for health.
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Man is not a machine that can be remodelled for quite other purposes as occasion demands, in the hop...
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Understanding does not cure evil, but it is a definite help, inasmuch as one can cope with a compreh...
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When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.
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Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also.
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There is no birth of consciousness without pain.
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The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.
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There is no coming to consciousness without pain.
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We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.
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Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
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In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.
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A 'scream' is always just that - a noise and not music.
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Man's task is to become conscious of the contents that press upward from the unconscious.
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The greatest and most important problems of life are all fundamentally insoluble. They can never be ...
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Resistance to the organized mass can be effected only by the man who is as well organized in his ind...
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Masses are always breeding grounds of psychic epidemics.
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
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A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.
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Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.
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It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves.
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The man who promises everything is sure to fulfil nothing, and everyone who promises too much is in ...
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The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human ambition.
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The lowest form of popular culture - lack of information, misinformation, disinformation and a conte...
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Extinction is the rule. Survival is the exception.
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The republic is a dream.
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Pile the bodies high at Austerlitz and Waterloo. Shovel them under and let me workI am the grass; I ...
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Sometime theyll give a war and nobody will come.
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Not often in the story of mankind does a man arrive on earth who is both steel and velvet, who is as...
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A baby is Gods opinion that life should go on.
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The Senator from Wisconsin cannot frighten me by exclaiming, My country, right or wrong. In one sens...
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Consider: if you incorporate those tropical countries with the Republic of the United States, you wi...
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God is the name by which I designate all things which cross my path violently and recklessly, all th...
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Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart ... Who looks outside, dreams. Who ...
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The achievements which society rewards are won at the cost of diminution of personality
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The wine of youth does not always clear with advancing years; sometimes it grows turbid.
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Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
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I do not believe...I know.
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Consider: if you incorporate those tropical countries with the Republic of the United States, you w...
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The peace and welfare of this and coming generations of Americans will be secure only as we cling to...
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Our country, right or wrong. When right, to be kept right; when wrong, to be put right.
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Ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafarin...
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I'm either going to be a writer or a bum.
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I'm very serious about becoming a dramatic actor. I don't want to play cameo parts walking o...
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Every blunder behind us is giving a cheer for us, and only for those who were willing to fail are th...
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I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth.
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If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth.
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It is the tension between creativity and skepticism that has produced the stunning and unexpected fi...
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Finding the occasional straw of truth awash in a great ocean of confusion and bamboozle requires int...
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Imagine that I am riding a bicycle toward you. As I approach an intersection I nearly collide, so it...
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A religion, old or new, that stressed the magnificence of the universe as revealed by modern science...
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We have developed overlays for the keys of the cash registers with the help of the Braille Institute...
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Personally, I would be delighted if there were a life after death, especially if it permitted me to ...
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The cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff. We are a way for the universe to know itself.
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The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pi...
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Before we invented civilization our ancestors lived mainly in the open out under the sky. Before we ...
CARL SAGAN
The moon is friend for the lonesome to talk to.
CARL SANDBURG
Ama me fideliter!Fidem meam noto:De corde totaliterEt ex mente tota,Sum presentialiterAbsens in remo...
CARL ORFF
Nothing wilts faster than laurels that have been rested upon.
CARL ROWAN
The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something.
CARL SANDBURG
A book is made from a tree. It is an assemblage of flat, flexible parts (still called
CARL SAGAN
I was lucky enough to have the talent to play baseball. That's how I treated my career. I didn&#...
CARL YASTRZEMSKI
You don't always make an out. Sometimes the pitcher gets you out.
CARL YASTRZEMSKI
And if I have my choice between a pennant and a triple crown, I'll take the pennant every time.
CARL YASTRZEMSKI
I was a lousy hitter in May doing the same things that made me a great hitter in June.
CARL YASTRZEMSKI
First, I'd become an avid reader of blogs, especially music blogs, and they seemed to be where t...
CARL WILSON
Sure, we've had our fair share of ups and downs, but I don't know if we've had more than...
CARL WILSON
In the early part of the '60s I was influenced by the Ventures.
CARL WILSON
I had been playing for about a year and a half when the Beach Boys formed. When our folks went to Me...
CARL WILSON
I remember growing up always loving the guitar. I used to love to watch the people play on the Count...
CARL WILSON
I thought Jimi Hendrix... was just phenomenal.
CARL WILSON
I've made some films for the military that are teaching things like cultural awareness and leade...
CARL WEATHERS
When I start to get that few pounds, which I try to monitor, then I just pull back. So it's real...
CARL WEATHERS
My first love was acting. I went to Sidney Poitier films as a kid. I sat in the theater and dreamed ...
CARL WEATHERS
I really try to take care of myself. I really put forth the effort to make a regimen just a part of ...
CARL WEATHERS
I majored in theater at San Diego State. My one eye was on football, and my other eye was on Hollywo...
CARL WEATHERS
I've been fortunate. I've worked in a lot of things where I had those kinds of experiences w...
CARL WEATHERS
What has been happening the last four years in City Hall is that they have been closing recreation c...
CARL STOKES
My style will be management by being on the street, management by walking around. Third persons won&...
CARL STOKES
All politicians should have 3 hats - one to throw into the ring, one to talk through, and one to pul...
CARL SANDBURG
I learned you can't trust the judgment of good friends.
CARL SANDBURG
I am an idealist. I don't know where I'm going but I'm on my way.
CARL SANDBURG
Love your neighbor as yourself; but don't take down the fence.
CARL SANDBURG
Let the gentle bush dig its root deep and spread upward to split one boulder.
CARL SANDBURG
Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me.
CARL SANDBURG
Back of every mistaken venture and defeat is the laughter of wisdom, if you listen.
CARL SANDBURG
A man may be born, but in order to be born he must first die, and in order to die he must first awak...
CARL SANDBURG
I had taken a course in Ethics. I read a thick textbook, heard the class discussions and came out of...
CARL SANDBURG
To be a good loser is to learn how to win.
CARL SANDBURG
Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
CARL SANDBURG
If you want to make change, 'Show me how' can be a stronger, more effective approach than &#...
CARL SAFINA
Why would even I say we can't stop drilling in the Gulf? Because we have no alternatives. Whethe...
CARL SAFINA