Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen
Related Horror is like comedy. Woody Allen's comedy is going to be very different from Ben Stiller's... ELI ROTH I have done a sketch show almost every year since I started in 1975. I have also had a go several ti... LENNY HENRY I like that whole cop-comedy type of drama. ADAM G. SEVANI I would like to work in both comedy and drama. DANIELA BOBADILLA It's hard enough to write a good drama, it's much harder to write a good comedy, and it's hardest of... JACK LEMMON It's hard enough to write a good drama, it's much harder to write a good comedy, and it's hardest of... JACK LEMON I like doing comedy, I like doing drama. Naturally I like to do, I like doing dramas, I like conflic... MATT DILLON Drama is played at the pace of chess... or billiards... or poker. Engrossing? Sure. But comedy is pl... MARK WATERS And we felt like it was just a great romantic comedy world and a great office comedy. AARON HARBERTS I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films... ABBAS KIAROSTAMI One thing that bugs me in comedy is when somebody does a fake cry, you know, like they fake cry in a... SAM ROCKWELL It is like a black comedy. LIZA MAZA The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my ... JACK HANDY It's hard enough to write a good drama, it's much harder to write a good comedy, and it'... JACK LEMMON I don't devalue comedy as compared to drama. Not one bit. BEN STILLER I am a big fan of the old Howard Hawks films from the 30s and 40s, I was a big Hepburn and Tracey fa... EDWARD BURNS I probably prefer comedy. Why? I'm not sure. I feel like the energy of a comedy is a better fit ... CAMERON MATHISON 'Funny People' is my favorite performance of myself to date. Even though it's a comedy a... JONAH HILL You cannot say, because I am from Naples so I like the mixture of drama and comedy all together. SOPHIA LOREN I loved the structure of the whole movie—these two parallel stories which were illustrating the po... WILL FERRELL You look up at drama, down at comedy. A singer, looking up is okay. A comic, it's death. BUDDY HACKETT I never like to be the same, whether it be comedy or drama, funny or serious. FAITH PRINCE I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will fin... GILBERT GOTTFRIED It is an amazing show. It's humorous, sad, everything. Full of comedy, it switches to drama, back an... JOEL JOHNSON It's a tremendous feeling walking on to a set with a live audience and making them laugh, but I ... JULIA SAWALHA I love a good comedy, but the slapstick sitcom belly-laugh sort of comedy - the multicam thing - is ... TARA LYNNE BARR Right now, I'd like to just continue on a series where I am doing good work with a balance of co... MARIO LOPEZ It isn't easy to create a drama infused with comedy, and Psych just knocks it out of the park. JEFF WACHTEL It isn't easy to create a drama infused with comedy, and 'Psych' just knocks it out of the park. JEFF WACHTEL Life is a lot like skateboarding. LIL WAYNE I definitely prefer working in comedy over drama, but at the same time, when it comes to comedy, I t... FIONA GUBELMANN Good drama, challenging drama - and comedy for that matter - has a place in the daytime schedule. SANJEEV BHASKAR I always found that drama, really good drama, has a lot of comedy in it. ED O'NEILL Life is a drama full of tragedy and comedy. You should learn to enjoy the comic episodes a little mo... JEANNETTE WALLS Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you... C. JOYBELL C. Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian. CATE BLANCHETT I would like to do a romantic comedy, but not a romantic comedy that is cheesy. I want to do an old ... SAMI GAYLE Working with Woody Allen is like filming Howard Hughes's will. It's a very mysterious and st... MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE An actor who is good at comedy can also be very good at drama, but not necessarily vice versa. DESI ARNAZ I would like to do comedy. I can be a bit of a Jim Carrey. I was always the class clown. JACQUELINE MACINNES WOOD What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke. STEVE MARTIN It's basically a violent love triangle. It's a fusion of action, comedy, drama and suspense. ZACHARY YOSHIOKA I think that comedy really tells you how it is. The other thing about comedy is that - you don't eve... CARL REINER Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have. ERIC IDLE Life is a mixing of all kind of things: comedy and tragedy going together. ALEJANDRO JODOROWSKY Drama is easier to do because you just have to have the emotion and not get caught acting, but comed... PATRICK DEMPSEY His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone ha... TEKOA MANNING I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories... ROMAN COPPOLA I'm a huge Woody Allen fan. Good movie, bad movie, it doesn't matter - I just like his movie... SEAN PENN Running my show is really like an actor being in repertory but where, in one day in one performance,... DICK CAVETT Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act. MARTY FELDMAN Life is a mountain of solvable problems, and I enjoy that. JAMES DYSON I get to do physical comedy! When do women get to do physical comedy? Very rarely. MICHAELA WATKINS In every tragedy, an element of comedy is preserved. Comedy is just tragedy reversed. WISLAWA SZYMBORSKA The financial highlights offered at the beginning of the report tend to focus on what they (the comp... RICHARD LOTH My comedy is like a golem, it obtains it's power from the truth. JAIRO FERNáNDEZ I'd like a bit of a crack at some kind of anarchic comedy, but whether or not I'm skillful e... RICHARD C. ARMITAGE There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest e... MARK TWAIN Life is not a game. Still, in this life, we choose the games we live to play. J.R. RIM Well I sure had been looking for a comedy for years without success. Partly because the town is just... VAL KILMER I don't do comedy so much although I would like to do a comedy. AARON ECKHART I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true. AUTRE NE VEUT For me, this show feels like the best in comedy and drama. What I responded to is it felt real, for ... JOANN ALFANO Life is a re-discovery. BRIAN BLESSED If you think that life is a celebration full of party poppers and merry go rounds it's not it's a ga... GARY F EVANS... Life Is a Misconception. DEYTH BANGER Life is a desire! DEYTH BANGER To trust someone you must firstly remember that it is a two way street that will go all the way if y... GARY F EVANS... It is a lie. ARTHUR MILLER Sometimes comedy can be, like, negative and just the worst parts of ourselves coming out. ERIK GRIFFIN I like all kinds of comedy. I like comedy that doesn't talk about real beliefs or serious though... MARIA BAMFORD Harpo Marx looks like a musical comedy. WALTER KERR It's a lot of work and I also feel like I've done it. I miss comedy. And I also think that, ... ADAM ARKIN Writing the story of your own life is a bit like drilling your own teeth. GLORIA SWANSON You know, comedy's hard. With drama, you have a responsibility to the emotional truth, but with ... JULIANNE MOORE This is a great comedy. It is just like any family. One minute they are fighting, and the next minut... LINDA WALLING We discovered that the series really wants to be a comedy more than a drama. DAVID E. KELLEY I think that comedy really tells you how it is. The other thing about comedy is that - you don't... CARL REINER It can flip on a dime from being almost farce-like to being quite serious and then back. That's what... AIDAN QUINN I'm a big fan of 'Woody Allen' movies, so I like all the actresses in his movies like ... EMILY PERKINS I think women are different, and I think having them in the room is crucial to a family comedy, ense... DAN HARMON I like physical comedy. And I like the old comedies. PATRICK DEMPSEY She was scarcely a year older than I was, dark-haired, slender, with a face that would break your he... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN All we really want to do is tell a good story about a good man and his family and the struggle to ge... JACK KENNY There's a lot of comedy in Intermission but it's got this depth. It's not comedy for com... CILLIAN MURPHY Mother Superior jump the gun... -The Beatles, Happiness is a Warm Gun LAUREN MYRACLE When you do a good comedy show, you have to understand that if you don't have drama or sad momen... JAIME CAMIL Life is funny. Life isn't categorized into comedy, drama, action, is it?So I don't know why they try... JENNIFER ANISTON 'Va Savoir' is a lovable comedy about love that looks upon life as drama and uses the world ... ELVIS MITCHELL I think that there's a fine line between comedy and drama. I think that ultimately, the less win... MICHAEL MOSLEY Work is the meat of life, pleasure the dessert. B. C. FORBES Work is the meat of life, pleasure the dessert. BERTIE CHARLES FORBES I did an episode of a show called 'Mind Games,' which is no longer on the air, and it was an... EMMA DUMONT [Eclecticism is the byword for this year's festival.] The Merchant City has some great venues for co... ALAN ANDERSON My tutors at drama school commended and criticised my use of comedy in my acting for a long time at ... JOHN BRADLEY-WEST Life is a gift, given in trust - like a child. ANNE MORROW LINDBERGH When someone beats a rug, the blows are not against the rug, but against the dust in it. JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI The Merchant City has some great venues for comedy. We want to show a bit of everything that happens... ALAN ANDERSON I kind of thought I would only work exclusively in the world of naturalistic comedy drama, but there... GREG MOTTOLA The human comedy is always tragic, but since its ingredients are always the same - dupe, fox, straig... DAWN POWELL
More Woody Allen
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. WOODY ALLEN I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. WOODY ALLEN My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker. WOODY ALLEN If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in... WOODY ALLEN What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car... WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? WOODY ALLEN There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman... WOODY ALLEN God is silent. Now if only man would shut up. WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying. WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m... WOODY ALLEN There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w... WOODY ALLEN Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!' WOODY ALLEN Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any WOODY ALLEN sex is simple, love stings afterwards. WOODY ALLEN If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk. WOODY ALLEN I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. WOODY ALLEN Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens. WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. WOODY ALLEN Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. WOODY ALLEN What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum... WOODY ALLEN You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark? WOODY ALLEN You're born free, then you're taxed to death. WOODY ALLEN It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. WOODY ALLEN The decision to decide is a decision in itself. WOODY ALLEN One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha... WOODY ALLEN Growing up is amazing, until you get old! WOODY ALLEN All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white... WOODY ALLEN If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me! WOODY ALLEN I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social. WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right. WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it. WOODY ALLEN I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. WOODY ALLEN I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me. WOODY ALLEN In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th... WOODY ALLEN Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. WOODY ALLEN A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. WOODY ALLEN Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y... WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -... WOODY ALLEN If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. WOODY ALLEN In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and... WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else. WOODY ALLEN Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. WOODY ALLEN It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic. WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked... WOODY ALLEN For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu... WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats. WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.. WOODY ALLEN Marriage is the death of hope. WOODY ALLEN Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. WOODY ALLEN I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I... WOODY ALLEN I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. WOODY ALLEN I am at two with nature. WOODY ALLEN Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down. WOODY ALLEN I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba... WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead. WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. WOODY ALLEN If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. WOODY ALLEN Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ... WOODY ALLEN More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut... WOODY ALLEN A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An... WOODY ALLEN Eighty percent of success is showing up. WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy... WOODY ALLEN I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. WOODY ALLEN Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. WOODY ALLEN Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc... WOODY ALLEN A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'. WOODY ALLEN It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ... WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. WOODY ALLEN I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me WOODY ALLEN To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ... WOODY ALLEN Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. WOODY ALLEN Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an... WOODY ALLEN What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours. WOODY ALLEN How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans. WOODY ALLEN Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat WOODY ALLEN Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF. WOODY ALLEN Eternity is really long, especially near the end WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ... WOODY ALLEN I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. WOODY ALLEN Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. WOODY ALLEN If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw... WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions WOODY ALLEN A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ... WOODY ALLEN The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year. WOODY ALLEN The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway. WOODY ALLEN There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t... WOODY ALLEN Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi... WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. WOODY ALLEN Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f... WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. WOODY ALLEN I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o... WOODY ALLEN Tradition is the illusion of permanance. WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t... WOODY ALLEN Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic. WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin... WOODY ALLEN I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. WOODY ALLEN He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. WOODY ALLEN Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da... WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boa... WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou... WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. WOODY ALLEN The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h... WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. WOODY ALLEN I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. WOODY ALLEN I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. WOODY ALLEN Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen. WOODY ALLEN My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi... WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo... WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. WOODY ALLEN I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. WOODY ALLEN Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving? WOODY ALLEN Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird. WOODY ALLEN The wicked at heart probably know something. WOODY ALLEN My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately? WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job. WOODY ALLEN Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ... WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead. WOODY ALLEN For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ... WOODY ALLEN We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi. WOODY ALLEN The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m... WOODY ALLEN Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat... WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--... WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. WOODY ALLEN If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab... WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun... WOODY ALLEN I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. WOODY ALLEN I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. WOODY ALLEN I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. WOODY ALLEN How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? WOODY ALLEN How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ... WOODY ALLEN His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. WOODY ALLEN Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g... WOODY ALLEN Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther... WOODY ALLEN More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter... WOODY ALLEN You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre... WOODY ALLEN Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? WOODY ALLEN When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. WOODY ALLEN Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag... WOODY ALLEN The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y... WOODY ALLEN Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. WOODY ALLEN Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. WOODY ALLEN My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. WOODY ALLEN Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. WOODY ALLEN A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. WOODY ALLEN Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare... WOODY ALLEN The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty. WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. WOODY ALLEN I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants WOODY ALLEN I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! WOODY ALLEN Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland. WOODY ALLEN She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca... WOODY ALLEN My brain? That´s my second favourite organ. WOODY ALLEN I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews... WOODY ALLEN Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca... WOODY ALLEN Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge... WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. WOODY ALLEN There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says... WOODY ALLEN I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr... WOODY ALLEN If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up. WOODY ALLEN I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life. WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, [Cloquet... WOODY ALLEN Subjectivity is objective. WOODY ALLEN The most expensive sex is free sex WOODY ALLEN These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you.... WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow... WOODY ALLEN We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth. WOODY ALLEN I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot WOODY ALLEN Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed. WOODY ALLEN You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad... WOODY ALLEN This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The... WOODY ALLEN The heart wants what it wants. WOODY ALLEN We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc... WOODY ALLEN Chapter 1 . He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t... WOODY ALLEN My brain? That's my second favorite organ. WOODY ALLEN