Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
Ambrose Bierce
Related
There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ...
J.J. MCAVOY No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
H. P. LOVECRAFT It is impossible for any woman to love her children twenty-four hours a day.
MILTON R. SAPIRSTEIN Imagine smiling after a slap in the face. Then think of doing it twenty-four hours a day.
MARKUS ZUSAK She was a church open only for him, with services in full operation twenty-four hours a day.
JAMES PURDY I practiced for at least two hours every day for twenty years, before then I practiced maybe four to...
MICHAEL SCHENKER [Harper] once told a friend, "I think about strategy twenty-four hours a day," and it was only a sma...
LAWRENCE MARTIN You can worship God twenty four hours a day but your destiny depends on the cards he lets you play
STANLEY VICTOR PASKAVICH Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
MARK TWAIN Your life has to consist of more than 'Black people should unite.' You hope they do, but not...
GIL SCOTT-HERON Of the twenty-four hours a day,Use six for earning and spending, six for contemplation of God, six o...
SRI SATHYA SAI BABA If you observe a really happy man, you will find... that he is happy in the course of living life tw...
W. BERAN WOLFE It takes a village to raise a child; that's how I basically balance it. It's twenty four hou...
BLAC CHYNA All the twenty-four hours, you should be in the remembrance of God.
SRI SATHYA SAI BABA Each day means a new twenty-four hours. Each day means everything's possible again. You live in the ...
MARIE LU It is possible to live twenty-four hours a day in a state of love. Every movement, every glance, eve...
THICH NHAT HANH So much torture, bloodshed, deceit. You cannot make your young people practice torture twenty-four h...
JEAN-PAUL SARTRE It was not an eventful day. I should have done extraordinary things. I should have sucked the marrow...
JOHN GREEN I bounce off four walls, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, because I only sleep those four hours a ...
CASPER DIEN I bounce off four walls, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, because I only sleep those four hours a ...
CASPER VAN DIEN There are more truths in twenty-four hours of a man's life than in all the philosophies.
RAOUL VANEIGEM Most of us spend too much time on the last twenty-four hours and too little on the last six thousand...
WILL DURANT I'll bask in it a little bit. Twenty-four hours at most. Then I'll go back to looking over our futur...
BRYCE SWAFFORD Meditating, meditating in remembrance, Nanak has found peace. Twenty-four hours a day, I sing Your G...
SRI GURU GRANTH SAHIB It has been said that civilization is twenty-four hours and two meals away from barbarism.
NEIL GAIMAN Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for g...
TOM BLANDI Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for g...
IRVING BERLIN I think of Ariel, my local neighborhood mermaid, how she only had twenty-four hours to turn her life...
SHANNON CELEBI I believe the twenty-four hour day has come to stay.
MAX BEERBOHM We've been doing five days a week, four hours a day.
DREW LACHEY Twenty-four hours ago, I was really optimistic about my prospects here. I'm in a little bit of shock...
ANDY RODDICK HISTORY, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by ruler...
AMBROSE BIERCE He'd been at the Glade for roughly twenty-four hours. One full day. And look at all the things that ...
JAMES DASHNER Most of us spend too much time on the last twenty-four hours and too little on the last six thousand...
WILL DURANT Twenty-two hours a day in that cell -- a life sentence -- is probably going to punish him more.
BRACK JONES I worked for twenty-some years with no capital, so I never had any liquidity. Managing my loans alon...
BOB MCNAIR As I stood outside in Cow Lane, it occurred to me that Heaven must be a place where the library is o...
ALAN BRADLEY You receive the gift of time freely and equally every day, beautifully wrapped in twenty-four new ho...
MENSAH OTEH History, n. An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly...
AMBROSE BIERCE Go back three Olympics, you were broadcasting four or five hours a day, instead of 15 hours a day, b...
JEFFREY LOGSDON Each morning the day lies like a fresh shirt on our bed; this incomparably fine, incomparably tightl...
WALTER BENJAMIN I have always felt that the moment when first you wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of th...
MONICA BALDWIN I have always felt that the moment when first you wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of th...
MONICA BALDWIN Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
AMBROSE BIERCE Our men and women fighting in Iraq are held accountable for their performance and their conduct. On ...
WESLEY CLARK I have a secret project which adds four hours every day to the 24 hours we have. There's a bit o...
SUNDAR PICHAI I saw one instance where the team played four games, in a five-day period,
BRIAN HARRIS Each day means a new twenty-four hours. Each day means everything's possible again. You live in the ...
MARIE LU Redeem thy misspent time that's past, And live this day as if thy last.
THOMAS KEN We have four cars and a van, ... We make about 15 to 20 trips a day, mostly to the airports.
JAMES DAVIS He who devotes sixteen hours a day to hard study may become at sixty as wise as he thought himself a...
MARY WILSON LITTLE We Americans are the best informed people on earth as to the events of the last twenty-four hours; w...
WILL DURANT Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE I'm doing four hours of gymnastics training a day, six days a week and then an extra two to thre...
SHAWN JOHNSON I get up at 7:30 and work four hours a day. Nine to twelve in the morning, five to six in the evenin...
KURT VONNEGUT How sick one gets of being ''good,'' how much I should respect myself if I could burst out and make ...
ALICE JAMES How sick one gets of being good, how much I should respect myself if I could burst out and make ever...
ALICE JAMES The site roared twenty-four hours a day for nine full months and beyond. From autumn through winter ...
WILLIAM LANGEWIESCHE The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do is destroyed, laid waste or ...
LADY KASLUCK I wondered if perhaps I'd gone mad. I had known this man less than twenty-four hours and already I w...
LUCY ROBINSON Did you know that people who meet at least three different times within twenty-four hour period are ...
JENNIFER E. SMITH When he was twenty-three or twenty-four my father began to learn German and read philosophy in his s...
EDWARD CARPENTER There is a solitude, or perhaps a solemnity, in the few hours that precede the dawn of day which is ...
GEORGE BIRD GRINNELL I like to work for four or five hours a day. I aim for seven days a week.
PATRICIA HIGHSMITH The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make. �...
VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do it is destroyed, laid waste ...
LADY HASLUCK If someone were to tell me I had twenty years left, and ask me how I'd like to spend them, I'd reply...
LUIS BUñUEL It's only by taking myself away from clutter and distraction that I can begin to hear something ...
PICO IYER How sick one gets of being 'good', how much I should respect myself if I could burst out and...
ALICE JAMES An excessive knowledge of Marxism is a sign of a misspent youth.
JOHN MCCARTHY Don’t say you have not enough time.Everyone have exactly the same numbers of minutes & hours per d...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA I'm very aware when I share a stage with other writers that I'm much less driven than they a...
JIM CRACE Look, it wasn't easy. Sometimes it was mental torture, especially the Gregorian chants for four hour...
TOM KRAMER At first, I spend about four hours a day writing. Toward the end of a book, I spend up to 16 hours a...
TRACY KIDDER My ever-present mania meant I was never phased by staying up twenty hours a day or by the different ...
ANDY BEHRMAN We're putting so many obstacles in the way the four-period day is supposed to work.
KENT MILLER The young watch television twenty-four hours a day, they don't read and they rarely listen. This inc...
FEDERICO FELLINI The day misspent,
the love misplaced,
has inside it
the seed of redemption.
Noth...
KAY RYAN RIME, n. Agreeing sounds in the terminals of verse, mostly bad. The verses themselves, as distinguis...
AMBROSE BIERCE The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No ...
MONICA BALDWIN A parliament speaking through reporters to Buncombe and the
Twenty-seven millions, mostly fools.
THOMAS CARLYLE They leave the lot pretty quick. They're pretty much in and out in about a three- or four-day period...
ANDY MOHR I never had one hour's happiness in her society, and yet my mind all round the four-and-twenty hours...
CHARLES DICKENS The authors suggest you should reserve four hours of non-interrupted time from your day only to work...
ALAN ADAMS I can't even fathom myself from twenty-four hours ago. I was so busy following my rotten little hear...
STEFAN BACHMANN We Americans are the best informed people on earth as to the events of the last twenty-four hours; w...
WILL DURANT You have to abide by the quiet or courtesy hours specific to your living arrangement. On one hand yo...
SHIVAN BARWARI He knows bad days. Bad days take him completely by surprise. They make him not trust the good days b...
MELINA MARCHETTA I thought the world really hated me. I spent four hours a day being taught that people wanted me dea...
LOUNG UNG I write every day weekdays for about 5 hours, mostly longhand on legal pads. It has gotten neither h...
DANIEL HANDLER One of the horrors of hell is the undying memory of a misspent life.
SOURCE UNKNOWN The half minute which we daily devote to the winding-up of our watches is an exertion of labour almo...
CHARLES BABBAGE POPULIST, n. A fossil patriot of the early agricultural period, found in the old red soapstone under...
AMBROSE BIERCE A feature film is twenty-four lies per second.
MICHAEL HANEKE The accounting charges seem to be mostly timing -- instead of earning in one period they have to sta...
DAVID HEALY Back in the day, I would wear up to 45 pounds of gold. It would take me four hours to get dressed!
MR. T One day I caught four Dolphins, how much I have gazed at these beautiful creatures... as they change...
JOHN JAMES AUDUBON What very mysterious things days were. Sometimes they fly by, and other times they seem to last fore...
MELANIE BENJAMIN Even if I take him out for three hours every day, and go and chat to him for another hour, that leav...
NANCY MITFORD These pipes are mostly made of cast iron or steel, and over a period of years they start to corrode.
TOM MCGEE
More Ambrose Bierce
Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e...
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Doubt is the father of invention.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e...
AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand...
AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g...
AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes...
AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
AMBROSE BIERCE Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co...
AMBROSE BIERCE Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no...
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan...
AMBROSE BIERCE Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover...
AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t...
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCE All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen...
AMBROSE BIERCE Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE A man is known by the company he organizes.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
AMBROSE BIERCE Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta...
AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please...
AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl...
AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ...
AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free.
AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad...
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha...
AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does.
AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie...
AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou...
AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi...
AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima...
AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde...
AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus...
AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com...
AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc...
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh...
AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of...
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci...
AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s...
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai...
AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the...
AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ...
AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa...
AMBROSE BIERCE The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.
AMBROSE BIERCE