Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I don't know what humor is. Anything that's funny -- tragedy or anything, it don't make no difference so [long as] you happen to hit it just right. But there's one thing I'm proud of -- I ain't got it in for anybody. I don't like to make jokes that hurt anybody.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else

Just because it's common sense, doesn't mean it's common practice.

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.