FastSaying

For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.


Ambrose Bierce

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AMBROSE BIERCE OLEAGINOUS, adj. Oily, smooth, sleek. Disraeli once described the manner of Bishop Wilberforce as AMBROSE BIERCE There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ...
J.J. MCAVOY No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
H. P. LOVECRAFT If you want to find something with an equation, you must start thinking like a person who have it.
DEYTH BANGER To be betrayed by those he trusted seems to have ignited a spark of vengeance in Temujin, a desire f...
CONN IGGULDEN In every man there is something wherein I may learn of him, and in that I am his pupil.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON In every man there is something wherein I may learn of him, and in that I am his pupil
RALPH WALDO EMERSON I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him...
WILLIAM BUTLER YEATS It is a good point of cunning for a man to shape the answer he would have in his own words and propo...
FRANCIS BACON SR. He likes those first moments, the first touch of naked skin against naked skin, of pressing into eac...
ROCK LANE COOPER You know," Daddy said, "it's some that can live their whole life out without asking about it and it'...
FLANNERY O'CONNOR What concerns me is that man, unable to articulate, to express himself adequately, reverts to action...
JOSEPH BRODSKY It's interesting to help someone find their vocabulary. There would not have been a De Niro with...
JASON PATRIC There's plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket, there's only five of ...
ROALD DAHL Depend upon it that if a man talks of his misfortunes there is something in them that is not disagre...
SAMUEL JOHNSON There is only one thing that a man really wants to do, all his life; and that is, to find his way to...
D. H. LAWRENCE God changes his appearance every second. Blessed is the man who can recognize him in all his disguis...
NIKOS KAZANTZAKIS We need to shrink-wrap the astronaut. It would be like wearing a second skin.
DAVA NEWMAN It was the second time he had done something like that, and Holland decided he can't be a substitute...
JAMES EVANS Depend upon it that if a man talks of his misfortunes there is something in them that is not disagre...
SAMUEL JOHNSON The die is set and Malcolm will not escape for the foolish talk he spoke against his benefactor, suc...
LOUIS FARRAKHAN Only love of a good woman will make a man question every choice, every action. Only love makes a war...
LAURELL K. HAMILTON It is a contradiction in terms and ideas, to call anything a revelation that comes to us at second-h...
THOMAS PAINE There are only two kinds of men in this world: Honest men and dishonest men. ...Any man who says the...
RALPH MOODY It is not a difficult matter to learn what it means to delight ourselves in the Lord. It is to live ...
S. MAXWELL CODER If we communicated with something like music, we would never be misunderstood, because there is noth...
JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER I like to think I'm a good mechanic for the company. 'Oh well, we sprung a leak? Call Ambros...
DEAN AMBROSE I believe that there is a Matrix and... to be more accurate I am in the Pornography Matrix.
DEYTH BANGER What man ever openly apologizes for slander? It is not so much a feeling of slander as it is that of...
CRISS JAMI Boehme makes such leaps, such contradictions, such confusions of thought. It is as though he wishes ...
ELIZABETH GILBERT An excellent man; he has no enemies; and none of his friends like him.
OSCAR WILDE Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it...
HENRY MILLER The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in orde...
HENRY MILLER The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in orde...
HENRY G. MILLER Every man has some reminiscences which he would not tell to everyone, but only to his friends. He ha...
FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY The truly wide taste in reading is that which enables a man to find something for his needs on the s...
C.S. LEWIS A man lives with an interest in life to crave for others’ like on him for self-love only, but if h...
ANUJ SOMANY Learn to know every man under you, get under his skin, know his faults. Then cater to him - with kin...
JOHN MCGRAW If something didn't feel right in his shot he wanted to stick around and fix it. It's a credit to hi...
JOE STONER "Every man has his price." This is not true. But for every man there exists a bait which he cannot r...
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE This is a life decision for Dany. There were a lot of unfortunate things that have happened during h...
STACEY MCALPINE For every man there comes that special moment when he is physically tapped on the shoulder and offer...
ANON. It's great, it feels like a real hockey stick, it has a real feel. I've tried every kind [of composi...
BOBBY HOLIK The Aethiop The purchaser of a black servant was persuaded that the color of his skin arose from dir...
AESOP A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms...
ALEXANDER DUMAS A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms...
ALEXANDRE DUMAS A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms...
AMBROSE BIERCE A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms...
ALEXANDRE DUMAS It is a good man who stands up for his friends, but an honorable man who stands up for his enemies.
VIOLET HABERDASHER I am for hockey. I find I should like to hit something with a stick.
-Gemma Doyle Trilogy
LIBBA BRAY Every one's got it in him, if he'll only make up his mind and stick at it. None of us is born with a...
CHARLES M. SCHWAB The key to every man is his thought. He can only be reformed by showing him a new idea which command...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON The key to every man is his thought.... He can only be reformed by showing him a new idea which comm...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON What man in his 40s would not like to look in the mirror and find Nolan Ryan?
NOLAN RYAN He never knew a single second could be expanded into something timeless and so archaic. It shook him...
DIANNA HARDY That is the fear: I have lost something important, and I cannot find it, and I need it. It is fear l...
JOHN GREEN There is in every madman a misunderstood genius whose idea, shining in his head, frightened people, ...
ANTONIN ARTAUD There is in every madman a misunderstood genius whose idea, shining in his head, frightened people, ...
ANTONIN ARTAUD 'Every man has his price. This is not true. But for every man there exists a bait which he ca...
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE The Hammer was a hard man, a smart man too, and he took pride in always having a plan ‘b’. For t...
CHRISTINA ENGELA You sick piece of shit," Adam says to him, his voice low, measured.
"Such unfortunate language....
TAHEREH MAFI The truly wide taste in reading is that which enables a man to find something for his needs on the s...
C.S. LEWIS “Behind every successful man there is a woman” --- If a husband does not sacrifice his wishes fo...
MUHAMMAD ABDULLAH JAVED If any man claims the Negro should be content... let him say he would willingly change the color of ...
ROBERT KENNEDY If any man claims the Negro should be content ... let him say he would willingly change the color of...
ROBERT FRANCIS KENNEDY If any man claims the Negro should be content... let him say he would willingly change the color of ...
ROBERT F. KENNEDY Ideas are powerful things, requiring not a studious contemplation but an action, even if it is only ...
MIDGE DECTER The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make. �...
VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it...
HENRY MILLER A man has to work so hard so that something of his personality stays alive. A tomcat has it so easy...
ALBERT EINSTEIN A man has to work so hard so that something of his personality stays alive. A tomcat has it so easy,...
ALBERT EINSTEIN The time comes upon every public man when it is best for him to keep his lips closed.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN Journalism wishes to tell what it is that has happened everywhere as though the same things had happ...
ARCHIBALD MACLEISH What virtue is there in a man who demonstrates goodness because he has been bred to it? It is his ha...
DEANNA RAYBOURN Now, now my good man, this is no time to be making enemies."
(Voltaire on his deathbed in respo...
VOLTAIRE It feels like a blessing having worked with that young man. I was thrilled to have the opportunity t...
JOE MITCHELL He came very close to playing for Notre Dame. We offered him (a scholarship), we wanted him, but I j...
GREG MATTISON Separating business from debt is like separating a man from his skin.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE Walking is the only form of transportation in which a man proceeds erect - like a man - on his own l...
EDWARD ABBEY An honourable man is fair even to his enemies; a dishonourable man is unfair even to his friends!
MEHMET MURAT ILDAN We have provided for the survival of man against all enemies except his fellow man
LYMAN LLOYD BRYSON There is a Mount Sinai for every child of God if he only knows where to find it.
KARL G. MAESER There is hope for every man to return to his Maker.
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA I have no question there is a need. I am not sure it is appropriate. What other for-profit ventures ...
GREG COFFMAN I think it's good for him to be around his other family, and his brothers on this football team. I t...
MARCUS WASHINGTON Man never had an idea - man will never have an idea, except those supplied to him by his surrounding...
ROBERT GREEN INGERSOLL Man is only a reed, the weakest in nature; but he is a thinking reed. There is no need for the whole...
BLAISE PASCAL She started playing better in the second set, playing like she had nothing to lose, ... I had to sta...
JENNIFER CAPRIATI Any man worth his salt will stick up for what he believes right, but it takes a slightly better man ...
GENERAL PEYTON C. MARCH Any man worth his salt will stick up for what he believes right, but it takes a slightly better man ...
ANDREW JACKSON Any man worth his salt will stick up for what he believes right, but it takes a slightly better man ...
ANDREW JACKSON Every time a man expects, as he says, his money to work for him, he is expecting other people to wor...
DOROTHY L. SAYERS In teaching man, experimental science results in lessening his pride more and more by proving to him...
CLAUDE BERNARD When a virtuous man is raised, it brings gladness to his friends, grief to his enemies, and glory to...
BEN JONSON There is only one thing I want. I would like to be seriously ill, and to hear nothing more about him...
EVA BRAUN Stretching one arm behind him, the man passed his hand over the horse's coat, his own skin transform...
JOSé SARAMAGO When I was younger, it was harder for me to find a black eyeliner that would actually show up on my ...
AJA NAOMI KING A man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can...
JEAN KERR

More Ambrose Bierce

Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e...
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Doubt is the father of invention.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand...
AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g...
AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes...
AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
AMBROSE BIERCE Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co...
AMBROSE BIERCE Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no...
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan...
AMBROSE BIERCE Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover...
AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t...
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCE All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen...
AMBROSE BIERCE Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE A man is known by the company he organizes.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
AMBROSE BIERCE Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta...
AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please...
AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl...
AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ...
AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free.
AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad...
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha...
AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does.
AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie...
AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou...
AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi...
AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima...
AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde...
AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus...
AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com...
AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc...
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh...
AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of...
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci...
AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s...
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai...
AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the...
AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ...
AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa...
AMBROSE BIERCE The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.
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