Grace-[to Jack] Today I'm handing out lollipops and ass-whoopins and right now, I'm all out of lollipops.

Grace- If you're looking for your Aunt Karen, she's not here. She doesn't work on days that end with..."day."

Karen-she was all over you, your JLo's JMo

(Jack prepairing to tell his mom he's gay)Grace: You'd think after 30 years it'd be liberating.Jack: Oh no, we're not telling her I'm 30!

Karen- Grace. It's Christmas, for goodness sake. Think about the baby Jesus: up in that tower, letting his hair down... so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dradel and see if there are six more weeks of winter.

Will, does it hurt your back....kissing your own ass like that?