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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.


Groucho Marx

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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX It was pitch black. But I was honored to work under such adverse conditions.
DR. DAVID GROSSMAN I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN I just realized one day that I was so unhappy. And not only that, but I didn't even like the per...
LINDSEY STIRLING I saw this show under adverse circumstances-my seat was facing the stage.
JOHN DAVID KLEIN The thing that made Groucho special was the way he used his body parts. He also had a wicked tongue....
SIDNEY SHELDON I thought it was kind of a fun shooting day. I like it when it's kind of adverse conditions. It was ...
LANNY BARNES Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I didn't see Dr. No for a year, but I liked it when I saw it. It was a fun movie. I don't li...
URSULA ANDRESS I bought Justin Bieber's house... He had, like, this nook under the stairs which I didn't ne...
KHLOE KARDASHIAN I recently watched Peter Brook's Lord of the Flies, and it wasn't a favorite film. Then I sa...
BRENDAN FRASER I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.
JAY LENO I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE I feel like I hadn't given that many classic films, like, a really good chance. I watched 'C...
MIRANDA COSGROVE The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH I didn't play the game right because I saw a reward at the end of the tunnel.
RYNE SANDBERG I didn't have any friends. I was bullied. I didn't play sports.
DACRE MONTGOMERY When growing up, I saw segregation. I saw racial discrimination. I saw those signs that said white m...
JOHN LEWIS I was so beautiful but I didn't realise it for years. I saw pictures of myself and even I was st...
BRITT EKLAND I didn?t know they were offsides. I saw the flag when I was getting up,
WILLIE PONDER I didn't get to play many video games when I was growing up.
ANA DE ARMAS The reason 'Detox' didn't come out was because I didn't like it.
DR. DRE Under adverse driving conditions ESC keeps your vehicle the way you want it to go.
DONNA KANE When I saw 'Legally Blonde' on Broadway, I rang my agent and said 'I want to be seen for...
SHERIDAN SMITH My dad was pretty strict. We didn't even get to watch any of his movies until I was, like, 17 ye...
DAMON WAYANS, JR. I saw women's boxing on television for the first time when I was 18, and that's when I wante...
LAILA ALI I knew what show business was, which was why I didn't want in on that action. I saw what happens...
CARRIE FISHER Madam your wife and I didn't hit it off the only time I ever saw her. I won't say she was si...
ELIZABETH GASKELL Under Adverse conditions - some people break down,some break records
SHIV KHERA I got the big BMW X5, and I didn't like it. It was just too big, and I didn't feel comfortab...
DAN HILL I didn't really play dress up when I was a kid, and I'm really T-shirt and jeans-y.
ELLEN PAGE When I was five, I think, that's when I started wanting to be an actress. I loved to play. I did...
MARILYN MONROE Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn&#...
BILL BURR Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER There was this project I really wanted before 'Glee' and I didn't get cast - I went in a...
DIANNA AGRON The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX The first time I met Leo Messi, I didn't know who he was, only that I couldn't believe the b...
SERGIO AGUERO I don't want to play everyone's best friend. I don't want to play the role of a girl str...
ZOE KRAVITZ From the age of 11, I was cleaning floors, washing dishes, making sandwiches and being a cashier. Su...
ADA YONATH I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD When I was 15, I didn't think I was the prettiest at all. But then something happened when I was...
CYNTHIA ERIVO I played street hockey in Riverside Park when I was a kid. I played goalie. I didn't make the ho...
JOHN KATZMAN I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX I was a good student, but I didn't like school.
ASHLEY BENSON The 'Road Rules' thing was just something that happened. It was never like when I was little...
THEO VON Once I was checking to hotel and a couple saw my ring with Blues on it. They said, 'You play blu...
BUDDY GUY Acting was always there, it's true. But for a long time, in my teenage years, I wasn't sure ...
BILL SKARSGARD The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Aye, well, I've got my garden.
LIKE I I told my Nike representative, 'Why didn't you guys use me for this?''' Williams said, laughing.
LIKE I On the interception, I was out of bounds,
LIKE I casually made his 'abort black fetuses' argument.
LIKE I I can field my position. If I start worrying about being ready for a line drive too soon that means ...
LIKE I I told him that he played a great game,'' said Falcons quarterback Michael Vick , who like Manning w...
LIKE I I was so concerned with getting the ball out of my hands and not taking the sack, that sometimes I t...
LIKE I I knew I had to throw the ball better,'' Manning said of his poor start.
LIKE I I think the reason that I have that title or that moniker is because people don't know what to expec...
LIKE I You're either ready and prepared to take on the task, or you're not,'' he said.
LIKE I I did not have one butterfly out there today,'' he said.
LIKE I Married to the Mob.
LIKE I Hello you're with Drudge.
LIKE I I don't expect Christian Fundamentalists to reach out to me. They are adamant that homosexuals are i...
LIKE I throw enough shit at the wall and some should stick?
LIKE I I'm not happy, that's all I can say about it,'' he said.
LIKE I At college I'd seen my dead frog's limbs twitch under some applied stimulus or other - seen,...
JAMES MERRILL I grew up in Solihull, on the edge of what was then the Birmingham conurbation. It was a good place ...
STEWART LEE In fifth grade, I did 'Oklahoma!,' but I didn't get a leading role. I knew the whole pla...
ANSEL ELGORT I wrote stories from the time I was a little girl, but I didn't want to be a writer. I wanted to...
JOAN DIDION I didn't realize how much harm I was doing back then and I think a lot of rap artists probably d...
ADAM YAUCH I grew up in a courtroom kind of like the one you saw in 'To Kill a Mockingbird' - big, big ...
NANCY GRACE I was growing up in the 50's and 60's. Back then they didn't even know what dyslexia was...
CAITLYN JENNER In high school I was on the basketball team, but the coach did something I didn't dig and the ne...
CHARLES MINGUS I didn't know I was a good director, and I mean that sincerely. I had done a film a long time ag...
JOHN RIDLEY When I was younger, I didn't have the finer things in life. It was around me - the cars, the jew...
LARENZ TATE In the mid-1980s to the early 1990s I was writing songs not because I particularly liked what I was ...
GARY NUMAN The communism of Karl Marx would probably be actually the best for everybody as a whole. But what he...
JESSE VENTURA Honestly, 'Parenthood' was not what I planned. I didn't plan to do another drama. I didn...
LAUREN GRAHAM A lot of the girls were awful, very catty. It was a competitive environment that I didn't like. ...
KATE WINSLET I wasn't hip to 'Samurai Jack' until I saw it, but then I was all, 'This show is awe...
JOHN DIMAGGIO At first, I didn't know what an actor was. I thought it was an acrobat. I saw acrobats at the ci...
FINN JONES When I was a kid I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I did know what I didn...
JODY WILLIAMS When I was a kid, my parents would play badminton, but I hardly joined them. I'd just pick up th...
SAINA NEHWAL I was once supposed to play the wind in a commercial - yes, the wind. I didn't get it.
WAGNER MOURA From the age of five, I was organizing everybody's everything. If I didn't like the way it l...
ANOUSKA HEMPEL I just don't like how long the jersey is. I don't like to tuck it in, so I like to tuck it u...
EZEKIEL ELLIOTT I mean this sincerely... and I don't know why, but there was a period of time that for some reas...
DAVE FINKEL I couldn't control Arnold Palmer, Gary Player, Tom Watson or Lee Trevino. The only person I coul...
JACK NICKLAUS My dad was in the movie 'Moonwalker,' and I knew he could sing really well, but I didn't...
PARIS-MICHAEL KATHERINE JACKSON My dad was in the movie 'Moonwalker,' and I knew he could sing really well, but I didn't...
PARIS JACKSON I was an only child of a father who loved me deeply, but we didn't play catch, even though I was...
CHARLIE ROSE I saw a lot of people have success handed to them that then exploited it. They didn't protect it...
AARON PAUL I didn't think then, and I still don't, that I was actually sick.
FRANCES FARMER Directors didn't know what to do with me in college. I didn't really sound like a belter. I ...
JESSIE MUELLER When I read the 'Twilight' book, I didn't see it as fantasy. I saw it as a love story.
CATHERINE HARDWICKE When I was snowed under with the work of an idol, I didn't have time to think.
NAMIE AMURO Then I obviously didn't understand what it all meant, but I do now.
LOUISE BROWN I was bought an electric guitar when I was 12, but my guitar teacher beat me up. I didn't like g...
SIMON COWELL I didn't play organized football until I was in the seventh grade. Up until that point, I only p...
PEYTON MANNING

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX