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Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.


Groucho Marx

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Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I don't think my principles change. I think the way in which you apply those principles to moder...
WILLIAM HAGUE If you don't like my movies, don't watch them.
DARIO ARGENTO Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW Horror films have always been quite operatic for me. I always sort of scratch my head at people'...
BRYAN FULLER I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN I don't even have a small boat. I don't even have a toy boat in my bathtub. I don't have...
MO IBRAHIM Twenty-eight years in business and you understand the importance of problem solving and the importan...
STEVE DAINES I'm my own artist, and I see artists as movies. No one should try to change them for anything. I...
ZEDD I've always declined to speak about things I don't think are anybody's business, and wha...
ANNIE POTTS If you don't like my announcing, you don't like me.
JOHNNY MILLER The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX Don't let fear or insecurity stop you from trying new things. Believe in yourself. Do what you l...
STACY LONDON There are certain people I am allergic to. I even intervene when I don't like a customer; I rush...
AZZEDINE ALAIA If principles don't determine what you are going to pass or do, then power will.
DAN WEBSTER My doctors warned me repeatedly that if you don't stay positive, you don't do well.
VINCE FLYNN Indeed the three prophecies about the death of individual art are, in their different ways, those of...
HAROLD BLOOM Never say 'no' to pie. No matter what, wherever you are, diet-wise or whatever, you know wha...
AL ROKER My most intimate secrets? Well, if I told you those they wouldn't be secrets now, would they? Se...
PAUL KANE To be a great leader, you firstly have to like people. If you don't like people, at the end of t...
LEONARD LAUDER I like women who look like women. I hated grunge. No one's more feminist than me, but you don...
CATHERINE ZETA-JONES I don't like when people put their dishes in the dishwasher without scrubbing them properly beca...
BRITT ROBERTSON I don't have a definition for depression. I'm productive, and that's not a sign of depre...
TAO LIN I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't...
DALAI LAMA I don't know why, it's the same reason why you like some music and you don't like others...
JERRY GARCIA I don't have favourites, I think, when you play, you have to be like a prostitute, you have to l...
RUGGIERO RICCI You can live by biblical principles, and you can teach by those principles and still be a winner. So...
BOBBY BOWDEN I don't like people lying to me. I don't like people who don't return my calls. I don...
DAN AYKROYD My musical inclinations are fine and dandy within the confines of my ears and my earphones but don&#...
EMILY WEISS I don't like surgery. I don't like elective surgery, I don't like surgery that you have ...
SANDRA BERNHARD Stuntmen don't have a lavish life. They are such hard working people, but not respected enough. ...
TIGER SHROFF I don't believe you outsource your convictions and principles to people.
JEB BUSH If you don't have many possessions, then you don't need to work all your life like a slave t...
JOSE MUJICA Feminists don't like me, and I don't like them.
MEL GIBSON Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. ...
RICHARD M. NIXON I have known beaches, but I have no particular fondness for them. I don't like sand in my crevic...
ROXANE GAY The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN If you don't like the way the Atlanta Braves are playing then you don't like baseball.
CHUCK TANNER My lashes are so long that if I don't curl them, I'm blind.
HANNAH SIMONE I don't remember threatening anybody, ever. I don't like threats. I don't respond well t...
ROGER AILES I guess I don't have a proper perspective on my fame; if I did, I don't think I'd like i...
CALVIN KLEIN The funny thing is, I really feel it if I don't run. I start getting sluggish, and I feel like I...
KAI RYSSDAL At the end of the day, people have the right to have opinions. I have the right to have an opinion. ...
TYGA But there's no reason why we should abdicate our foundational principles because certain groups ...
PAT ROBERTSON If I have my opinion about something, you have your opinion about something, we don't have to fi...
DON LEMON My works were not - and they still aren't - single panel gags with a punch line underneath them....
ROZ CHAST Why is it that we want what we don't have, yet we can't see what we do have?
ANTHONY T. HINCKS I have no deep-seated desire to be famous; that's not what's driving me, so if it's some...
CAM You don't have to be a rock star - if you don't like the situation you're in, you don...
MACY GRAY My problem is that I do not get along with lesbians at all. They don't like me, and I don't ...
CAMILLE PAGLIA The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX If it's old school friends that my parents know, then I can stay out till late. But if they don&...
TENA DESAE I don't like doing most things unless I can do them quite well.
OLIVER REED We're losing our way as a society. If we don't stand up, if we don't say what we think t...
EDWARD SNOWDEN I think a lot of people in their lives feel like they don't fit in, even if it looks like they d...
SHIRLEY MANSON I don't watch my own past films: when I watch them, I find they don't work very well, becaus...
BRUNO DUMONT I don't revisit anything unless there's a really good occasion, like BAM screened 'This ...
GABY HOFFMANN I don't like labels. I don't understand the need for them. When you define yourself a certai...
EDDIE HUANG Give, give, give - what is the point of having experience, knowledge or talent if I don't give i...
ISABEL ALLENDE That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset some...
LEWIS BLACK I don't have them down here asking me what my urban agenda is. I don't find them really doin...
MAXINE WATERS I do like to have guns around. I don't like to carry them. But I like - if somebody is going to ...
MAYA ANGELOU Some writers are curiously unmusical. I don't get it. I don't get them. For me, music is ess...
BARRY HANNAH I don't have famous neighbours and if I did, I'd avoid them. I don't live the jet-set.
VANESSA PARADIS You get those hunger pains. 'I am so hungry. We don't have any food. What are we going to ea...
BEN MCLEMORE I don't like to dabble in anything I don't do well. I don't talk politics.
J. B. SMOOVE I don't like men who blow-dry their hair. If you are a man and you blow-dry your hair, then I do...
JACK DEE I like to wear whatever I like. I don't care about others' judgment or if it's right or ...
ISABELI FONTANA Human rights are not worthy of the name if they do not protect the people we don't like as well ...
TREVOR PHILLIPS My eyebrows - they have a life of their own. I don't arch them on purpose; I don't do, like,...
SEAMUS DEVER The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be assoc...
STEVEN WRIGHT I think you can be the greatest orator of all time, the greatest motivator of all times, but if thos...
MIKE SINGLETARY My feeling was, you plant some seeds. If they grow, great; if they don't, you don't take it ...
HANK HANEY Some people are really proud of me, and some don't like it. I don't really know what to tell...
BRYSON TILLER My forms are geometric, but they don't interact in a geometric sense. They're just forms tha...
ELLSWORTH KELLY My standard comment is, 'If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act ...
MATT GROENING When those of Jewish blood exhibit moral or intellectual superiority, genius or special talent, we f...
LOUIS D. BRANDEIS Sometimes you surf well and still don't win. It happens to everyone. You learn that one big scor...
GABRIEL MEDINA If somebody I don't like gets in the crosshairs, I pull the trigger. But I don't hunt for th...
T. BOONE PICKENS It's like people call me a rock star or this or that. And I go, 'Don't call me that. I d...
MEAT LOAF There are certain times I don't want my picture taken. If my wife's stepping out of a car an...
BOBBY DARIN I don't lose my temper very often now, and if I do, it's well deserved.
JOHN MALKOVICH I don't like my hockey sticks touching other sticks, and I don't like them crossing one anot...
WAYNE GRETZKY My life just got taken over by my cooking. If you don't have any discipline, which I don't, ...
DUFF GOLDMAN I don't know if Wimbledon's seen anything like it. I don't know if they will again. But ...
PATRICK RAFTER Bob Arum and Don King can do their thing but if I fought for those guys and they put the money up li...
LARRY HOLMES There are only two guidelines in good sex, don't do anything you don't really enjoy and find...
ALEX COMFORT I like the idea of working my way up. I don't feel impatient to immediately jump into something ...
DAMIEN CHAZELLE I am a Christian person, and I do love the Lord, and I feel no matter who you are, what you believe,...
CARRIE UNDERWOOD Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter d...
BERNARD BARUCH My logic used to be if I get angry at my boyfriend, he could say, 'Well, if that thing I do that...
NIKKI GLASER The only stuff I don't like are Broadway musicals. I hate them. I don't even like to talk ab...
LAURIE ANDERSON If you don't exercise, you don't stay strong. I like to work with talented people.
WILLIAM HURT I have my work and my faith... If that's boring to some people, I can't tell you how much I ...
MADONNA CICCONE

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX