I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British

I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife -- a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.