I was trying to find a way so I wouldn't have to get a real job. I found out that I could find a way to tell stories and make people laugh. And that was it.

This is the equivalent of trying to sedate a dinosaur.

I've been here a long time ago, back when you could drink.

I flunked out of five colleges, and I did not know what I was going to do. And when I was sitting in the back of a comedy club, and I saw a guy who I thought sucked, I said to myself 'I can do this.' And I talked to the owner of the comedy club, and I found out you get a few free drinks.

This little set up is dynamite. Some college gigs you go to, they really suck.

We went to China. It was unbelievable.