I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
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I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me as a member
SIGMUND FREUD I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I won't say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout.
KEITH HERNANDEZ The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX I know if I was a woman I wouldn't want to be a member of an organization that's mostly men.
BILL OWEN I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX All of those things had been talked about, suggested, rumored, as a manager and as a member of the K...
ISAIAH THOMAS Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER I don't do filler songs. I don't get them. They don't make any sense to me. Why would I ...
BETTY WHO I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance that you won't have any.
CLARENCE DAY I don't have any regrets. I consider myself really privileged to belong to medicine and do what ...
MAGDI YACOUB I have decided that I won't take up assignments that don't interest me.
LATA MANGESHKAR I'm a very consistent leader, and people won't find me different day to day. You won't h...
GAIL KELLY I won't do 'Strictly' or any of those ghastly reality programmes. 'I'm a Celebri...
MARY BERRY I am not a member of any organization listed by the Attorney General as subversive. In any instance ...
JUDY HOLLIDAY I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD I don't know any Beatles songs. My dad never listened to Elvis or Sting or Bowie. Any band name ...
FKA TWIGS No matter who I meet, I won't have any pressure.
MA LONG When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE As a young player in the Minnesota organization, I had the opportunity to get to know him and really...
JAY BELL I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.
BILL WATTERSON All these nice people saying I'm going to be world champion won't make me any faster, you ha...
SEBASTIAN VETTEL I don't belong to any country clubs. I don't have this big circle of friends. Where I make m...
G. W. BAILEY I do have a stunt double because there are certain things that they won't let me do. Like they w...
ALEX O'LOUGHLIN I didn't have any pedigree or any last name that would get me an opportunity to get looked at by...
SETH ROLLINS I have this side of me that is a very European flamboyant; I won't say queenie, but it's bor...
CHARLIE BEWLEY As great a public speaker as I am, I don't know have - I don't - I don't have the words ...
RYNE SANDBERG Women won't let me stay single and I won't let me stay married.
ERROL FLYNN I have a huge and savage conscience that won't let me get away with things.
OCTAVIA BUTLER Money is not the most important thing, but when you need it, there are few substitutes. So while I l...
ZIG ZIGLAR Don't misquote me as wanting to hurt homosexual people in any way. That would be a dastardly lie...
CARL PALADINO Assuming roles is something that simply won't work for me, since I don't have a style. None ...
MARTIN KIPPENBERGER The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX I don't ever view myself as a straight country act, and I don't think the straight country a...
CHRIS STAPLETON You won't see me writing about particle physics, or even planetary geology, or chemistry. I prac...
MARY ROACH If I would have listened to other people back in 2000 telling me I should have stopped playing baske...
ALONZO MOURNING I shall never ask any pilot to go on a mission that I won't go on.
EDDIE RICKENBACKER I won't leave any unfinished manuscripts.
HAROLD ROBBINS They have found absolutely nothing to connect us with the Communist Party of the United States. In r...
LEE HARVEY OSWALD Therefore I would ask that any member of the public who has got any information that would assist us...
DAVID COOK As long as they are medicated the right way with the asthma medicine they won't have any problem...
DOMINIQUE WILKINS There have been times when people who weren't my friends all of a sudden became my friend. I won...
LALAINE If I had challenges in my company, I would not hesitate to sell assets to remain afloat, to get to t...
ALIKO DANGOTE I really try to have fun. If I don't have fun, you won't have fun. That's what my gift i...
LOUIE ANDERSON I think as long as each council member feels they're allowed to express their views -- (any candidat...
ELIZABETH GOREHAM The thing that made Groucho special was the way he used his body parts. He also had a wicked tongue....
SIDNEY SHELDON Men don't have to tiptoe around me - you can say anything and I won't get offended.
MICHAEL MICHELE I don't feel as if I belong to an age group.
QUENTIN BLAKE I don't carry myself as a black person but as a woman that belongs to everybody. After all, it...
EARTHA KITT Whenever I get married, it will be a Bengali wedding. If I won't have a Bengali wedding, my moth...
BIPASHA BASU The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH No person is perfect. I haven't, thank God, had any infidelity issues. But you can't say wha...
TASHA SMITH These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't...
CHARLES BARKLEY I'm a very individualistic person. That is why I don't belong to any political party or anyt...
MARJANE SATRAPI If you are an investor, I hope that you will stay with me for three, four, ten years. But if you ask...
BRUNELLO CUCINELLI The communism of Karl Marx would probably be actually the best for everybody as a whole. But what he...
JESSE VENTURA My salvation was a free gift. I didn't have to work for it and it's better than any gold med...
BETTY CUTHBERT I can't play soccer, and I'm not a great swimmer. I won't drown, but you won't see m...
MICHELLE OBAMA There's certain things as a songwriter that I don't really care to write about, and there ar...
RANDY HOUSER I have the same malice in my heart as far as the fight game is concerned, but outside the ring, I wo...
MIKE TYSON As a former member of the IRA, I accept all the responsibilities that are due to me. But in terms of...
MARTIN MCGUINNESS I don't have any rock star demeanor to me. I just can't pull that off.
KINA GRANNIS He was never a member of this organization! That's all I have to say about ... Pete McGowan.
MICHAEL HOPKINS Oh, I can't play soccer, and I'm not a great swimmer. I won't drown, but you won't s...
MICHELLE OBAMA I don't have any affirmations, I don't have any of that stuff. My natural state is to look a...
MICHAEL J. FOX I don't think the question is whether China should belong to the World Trade Organization. I believe...
ALAN KEYES I won't miss Grissom. It was a complete life for me that's reached its end, and it's rea...
WILLIAM PETERSEN I would like to reiterate that I don't want any profiles of me. I am not newsworthy.
FRED WILSON Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX A soul-based workplace asks things of me that I didn't even know I had. It's constantly tell...
DAVID WHYTE If I wasn't dyslexic, I probably wouldn't have won the Games. If I had been a better reader,...
CAITLYN JENNER And it came to me, and I knew what I had to have before my soul would rest. I wanted to belong - to ...
GLORIA VANDERBILT I don't have any of the modern electronics at all. I know the Internet would be a distraction. I...
ELMORE LEONARD I never, ever would have imagined the kind of career I've had. It just wouldn't have occurre...
EDITH WIDDER You don't have to be fearless to do anything; you can be scared out of your mind. I fear that I ...
ESPERANZA SPALDING Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that w...
STEVE ALLEN I don't believe any artist who says, 'I had to do that because DJs will tell me I can't ...
PATTI SMITH I've only fallen in love once, and once was enough for me, but that doesn't mean my eyes won...
KENDRA WILKINSON I still want to hold on to my beliefs, and as long as I have that, I won't stray too far from po...
MAGGIE WILLIAMS There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won'...
STEVE MARTIN The natural resources of the world do not belong to any person, organization, collective, or so-call...
BRYANT MCGILL We all die, it's a fact that today you aren't here, yesterday you weren't here doesn't mean that tom...
DEYTH BANGER At school, I always wanted to belong to a gang, and no one would have me. So I'd have make my ow...
KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX