I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?