There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Woody Allen
Related There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w... DOUGLAS ADAMS There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and wh... DOUGLAS ADAMS There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and wh... DOUGLAS ADAMS There is a theory which states that if ever for any reason anyone discovers what exactly the Univers... DOUGLAS ADAMS I believe that there is a Matrix and... to be more accurate I am in the Pornography Matrix. DEYTH BANGER To stand on the brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation—with no feeli... ASK AND IT IS GIVEN It is what it is, it is what you make it. JAMES DURBIN I regret that I wasn't more successful with my marriages, but it is what it is. TED TURNER It is a lie. ARTHUR MILLER Life is weird and wonderful like that, is it not. SONYA.E.WILLIAMS When living is too sweet and swanky, it may be very hard to appreciate the simplest things in life. ... ERIK PEVERNAGIE Unpredictability means what it means. I don't know how you define it. It is what it is. MICHAEL KEATON When carrying the burden of problems and stress that life seems to endlessly hurtle towards us. We g... GARY F EVANS... To have hope in an age where hope is very scarce and hurt, jealousy and pain are more prominent is a... GARY F EVANS... Truth metastasized into lurid fantasy. F. MULDER Even if there is only one possible unified theory, it is just a set of rules and equations. What is ... STEPHEN HAWKING It is what it is, and it ain't nothin' else... Everything is clearly, openly, plainly delive... DAN FLAVIN With '10,000,' our aim was to make a film that was entertaining and a roller-coaster ride; i... STEVEN STRAIT I am Happy and satisfied with what I am.
10000 will take me wrong, 1000 will go against me, 100 will... NEHA KOTHARI If our mind was an ocean then every now and then we would have the perfect storm happening in it.Gar... GARY F EVANS... There is a story, there is a scene which you always miss and you never pay attention at it... (The R... DEYTH BANGER Some say that the universe is made so that when we are about to understand it it changes into somet... DOUGLAS ADAMS Some say that the universe is made so that when we are about to understand it, it changes into somet... DOUGLAS ADAMS See the world for what it is. BEAUTIFUL! ANTHONY T. HINCKS I never like it when a celebrity goes on Twitter and says, 'This isn't true!' It is what... HARRY STYLES Even if there is only one possible unified theory, it is just a set of rules and equations. What is ... STEPHEN HAWKING My eyes hurt... but there is something more... I can't stop listening to horror.... now I am going t... DEYTH BANGER There is an ancient legend which warns that, should we ever learn our true origin, our universe will... LEN WEIN 37. It is better to be single and unhappy than unhappily married. JAMES C. DOBSON What Fucks me... is that we both are the same... we all walk on the same path... but everything is a... DEYTH BANGER There never comes a point where a theory can be said to be true. The most that one can claim for any... SIR ALFRED JULES AYER I saw that there is no Nature, That Nature doesn’t exist, That there are hills, valleys,... ALBERTO CAEIRO You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unb... WHY YAWNING IS CONTAGIOUS I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES Do I believe a thing has limits!? Of course! Nothing exists that doesn’t have limits. Existence me... ÁLVARO DE CAMPOS You know, I don't think my music is important, I don't think it's changing the world, I ... SUFJAN STEVENS I believe, if there is some sort of higher power, the universe is it. Whenever religious people ask ... OLIVER GASPIRTZ In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. That is what makes A... GERTRUDE STEIN You get to the point where you're like, 'I'm just doing me, and if people don't like... BEBE REXHA I’m glad I see with my eyes and not the pages I’ve read. ALBERTO CAEIRO I have a different theory, which is even more harebrained. It goes like this: Maybe we should all ju... JENNIFER FINNEY BOYLAN Ques eso? Queso? NOLAN J. VANDER HAAGEN In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. This is what makes A... GERTRUDE STEIN In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. This is what makes A... GERTRUDE STEIN Life is not a game. Still, in this life, we choose the games we live to play. J.R. RIM There is a new venue for theory, necessarily impure, where it emerges in and as the very event of cu... JUDITH BUTLER For starters, that’s a rather simple principle of Time Travel right there – and according to the... CHRISTINA ENGELA I'm not an Emontional, but how??? I live with the thought that "Nothing can be returned, it has... DEYTH BANGER Night doesn’t fall for my eyes But my idea of the night is that it falls for my eyes. Be... ALBERTO CAEIRO This is the problem for which revolutionary theory has yet to find the right solution, if there is o... GARET GARRETT There could be no fairer destiny for any physical theory than that it should point the way to a more... ALBERT EINSTEIN Integrity is not everything, but it is the only thing that matters. JEFFREY FRY Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you... C. JOYBELL C. I take the good with the bad. I always wanted to be a comic, and part of that, for me, was that I wa... ERIK GRIFFIN If that form of government, that system of social order is not wrong - if those laws of the Southern... LEONARD BACON We need a theory that goes before the Big Bang, and that's String Theory. String Theory says tha... MICHIO KAKU He had a harder time helping her out though. He was asleep while she was doing stars. Without wings,... LAURIE FRANKEL Life is not all about sticking or stopping your thoughts to old memories but LIFE STARTS when you st... NEHA KOTHARI It will refer back to the states. New York is the abortion capitol of the United States because the ... MARYBETH HAGAN The opportunity to decieve others is ever present and often tempting, and each instance of deception... SAM HARRIS Accept the universe As the gods gave it to you. If the gods wanted to give you something e... ALBERTO CAEIRO Your universe is not out there. You create it every moment and every day with your thoughts, ideas, ... DEBASISH MRIDHA What the Who is all about is exactly that and it always has been. If it exists today for this concer... PETE TOWNSHEND Our life is a series of moments. Let them all go. Moments. All gathering towards this one. NOW IS GOOD I do believe we will be a tough out this year. There is not as much teaching this year at the varsit... JASON PIRES What happened in the States, while regrettable, I'm sure nobody regrets it more than that company, i... IRIS EVANS And No. 2, when there is a buyout, that district must disclose the reason and not keep it confidenti... JACK WAGNER When you're recording to analog tape, it captures performance and you can't necessarily mani... DAVE GROHL Falsifiability for a theory is great, but a theory can still be respectable even if it is not falsif... BRIAN GREENE All sciences have their mysteries and at certain points the apparently most obvious theory will be f... JOSEPH DE MAISTRE It is what it is. I balled out, had some good years, man, had fun and did it with some guys and made... CALVIN JOHNSON What we went through is exactly the same as what you're facing. It's just more widespread there. Iva... GEORGE TOUART Here is my theory on this one. If you write things down, if there is a mystery and you try and expla... JOEY SANTIAGO This theory [the oxygen theory] is not as I have heard it described, that of the French chemists, it... ANTOINE LAVOISIER To search the sands of a lost desert for truth and justice in this world today you might as well be ... GARY F EVANS... There is an important idea in psychology: The 'just world theory,' which says that it is ver... MALCOLM GLADWELL I'm one of my sensations. ALBERTO CAEIRO Through that theory, there is every incentive to go back. The 10,000-foot view is it would be very d... WILL ADAMS What if — is more complicated than that? What if maybe opposite is true as well? Because, if bad c... DONNA TARTT When push comes to shove would people do what they felt was right, to get justice done or would they... GARY F EVANS... The American doctor, in my opinion, possesses a combination of conservatism and that other quality w... ELIZABETH KENNY The value of a principle is the number of things it will explain; and there is no good theory of dis... RALPH WALDO EMERSON What happened in California provides a powerful model. It is extremely likely that there will be oth... ETHAN NADELMANN What is it that makes you so angry, bothers you so deeply, that you're compelled to act? CRAIG GROESCHEL There is only one theory about angling in which I have perfect
confidence, and this is that the two... LORD EDWARD GREY (GREY OF FALLODON) Dharma is something that one discovers, because one cannot create something that is already there. VD. Dharma is something that one discovers because one cannot create something that is already there. VD. Christianity is more than a theory about the universe, more than teachings written down on paper; it... KALLISTOS WARE If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, And Spring came the day after tomorrow, I would die... ALBERTO CAEIRO The Madden Curse has really taken on a life of its own. People just love talking about it, and it is... DREW BREES Between what i see in a field and what I see in another field There passes for a moment the fig... ALBERTO CAEIRO It’s an already inside outside, The philosophers say it’s the soul But it’s not the ... ALBERTO CAEIRO Things don’t have significance: they only have existence. Things are the only hidden meaning ... ALBERTO CAEIRO I'm probably the least harsh on myself, and I try not to scrutinize everything about my body. As... KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN Not everybody wants be texting their 15-year-old asking how his math tutor was. They would rather be... RENEE JAMES So long as we use a certain language, all questions that we can ask will have to be formulated in it... MICHAEL POLANYI If this equation were found to be even slightly incorrect, the impact would be enormous - given the ... DAVID PRITCHARD Is there some principal of nature which states that we never know the quality of what we have until ... ELBERT HOFSTADTER Is there some principal of nature which states that we never know the quality of what we have until ... HERMAN MELVILLE The king may rule the kingdom, but it's the queen who moves the board. D.M. TIMNEY
More Woody Allen
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. WOODY ALLEN Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and pot... WOODY ALLEN I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. WOODY ALLEN My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker. WOODY ALLEN If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in... WOODY ALLEN What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car... WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? WOODY ALLEN There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman... WOODY ALLEN God is silent. Now if only man would shut up. WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying. WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m... WOODY ALLEN Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!' WOODY ALLEN Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any WOODY ALLEN sex is simple, love stings afterwards. WOODY ALLEN If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk. WOODY ALLEN I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. WOODY ALLEN Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens. WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. WOODY ALLEN Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. WOODY ALLEN What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum... WOODY ALLEN You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark? WOODY ALLEN You're born free, then you're taxed to death. WOODY ALLEN It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. WOODY ALLEN The decision to decide is a decision in itself. WOODY ALLEN One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha... WOODY ALLEN Growing up is amazing, until you get old! WOODY ALLEN All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white... WOODY ALLEN If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me! WOODY ALLEN I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social. WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right. WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it. WOODY ALLEN I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. WOODY ALLEN I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me. WOODY ALLEN In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th... WOODY ALLEN Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. WOODY ALLEN A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. WOODY ALLEN Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y... WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -... WOODY ALLEN If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. WOODY ALLEN In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and... WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else. WOODY ALLEN Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. WOODY ALLEN It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic. WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked... WOODY ALLEN For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu... WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats. WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.. WOODY ALLEN Marriage is the death of hope. WOODY ALLEN Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. WOODY ALLEN I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I... WOODY ALLEN I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. WOODY ALLEN I am at two with nature. WOODY ALLEN Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down. WOODY ALLEN I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba... WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead. WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. WOODY ALLEN If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. WOODY ALLEN Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ... WOODY ALLEN More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut... WOODY ALLEN A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An... WOODY ALLEN Eighty percent of success is showing up. WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy... WOODY ALLEN I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. WOODY ALLEN Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. WOODY ALLEN Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc... WOODY ALLEN A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'. WOODY ALLEN It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ... WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. WOODY ALLEN I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me WOODY ALLEN To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ... WOODY ALLEN Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. WOODY ALLEN Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an... WOODY ALLEN What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours. WOODY ALLEN How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans. WOODY ALLEN Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat WOODY ALLEN Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF. WOODY ALLEN Eternity is really long, especially near the end WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ... WOODY ALLEN I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. WOODY ALLEN Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. WOODY ALLEN If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw... WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions WOODY ALLEN A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ... WOODY ALLEN The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year. WOODY ALLEN The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway. WOODY ALLEN There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t... WOODY ALLEN Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi... WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. WOODY ALLEN Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f... WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. WOODY ALLEN I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o... WOODY ALLEN Tradition is the illusion of permanance. WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t... WOODY ALLEN Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic. WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin... WOODY ALLEN I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. WOODY ALLEN He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. WOODY ALLEN Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da... WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boa... WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou... WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. WOODY ALLEN The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h... WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. WOODY ALLEN I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. WOODY ALLEN I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. WOODY ALLEN Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen. WOODY ALLEN My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi... WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo... WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. WOODY ALLEN I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. WOODY ALLEN Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving? WOODY ALLEN Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird. WOODY ALLEN The wicked at heart probably know something. WOODY ALLEN My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately? WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job. WOODY ALLEN Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ... WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead. WOODY ALLEN For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ... WOODY ALLEN We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi. WOODY ALLEN The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m... WOODY ALLEN Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat... WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--... WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. WOODY ALLEN If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab... WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun... WOODY ALLEN I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. WOODY ALLEN I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. WOODY ALLEN I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. WOODY ALLEN How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? WOODY ALLEN How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ... WOODY ALLEN His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. WOODY ALLEN Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g... WOODY ALLEN Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther... WOODY ALLEN More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter... WOODY ALLEN You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre... WOODY ALLEN Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? WOODY ALLEN When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. WOODY ALLEN Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag... WOODY ALLEN The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y... WOODY ALLEN Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. WOODY ALLEN Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. WOODY ALLEN My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. WOODY ALLEN Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. WOODY ALLEN A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. WOODY ALLEN Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare... WOODY ALLEN The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty. WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. WOODY ALLEN I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants WOODY ALLEN I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! WOODY ALLEN Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland. WOODY ALLEN She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca... WOODY ALLEN My brain? That´s my second favourite organ. WOODY ALLEN I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews... WOODY ALLEN Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca... WOODY ALLEN Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge... WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. WOODY ALLEN There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says... WOODY ALLEN I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr... WOODY ALLEN If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up. WOODY ALLEN I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life. WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, [Cloquet... WOODY ALLEN Subjectivity is objective. WOODY ALLEN The most expensive sex is free sex WOODY ALLEN These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you.... WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow... WOODY ALLEN We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth. WOODY ALLEN I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot WOODY ALLEN Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed. WOODY ALLEN You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad... WOODY ALLEN This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The... WOODY ALLEN The heart wants what it wants. WOODY ALLEN We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc... WOODY ALLEN Chapter 1 . He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t... WOODY ALLEN My brain? That's my second favorite organ. WOODY ALLEN