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I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.


Groucho Marx

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I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD I'm from Miami, I love it when we're out in the heat. When it's cold, I'm like, '...
MAJANDRA DELFINO I'm an armchair kind of guy, especially when it's raining, which it always is and always wil...
ARTHUR SMITH Even when the writing seems very frivolous, I'm puritanical. I don't mean my subject matter....
TOM STOPPARD When I'm speaking of love, when I'm speaking of reversing hate, I'm speaking not only of...
MICHELLE BACHELET I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over ...
LOUIS C. K. I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN It's too bad I'm not a flirt. When I'm on the sets, I'm too busy working on my scene...
RANDEEP HOODA I'm cute - and God I hate that. Because that's not cool. I'm like your niece, and nobody...
KELLY CLARKSON I'm one of those people you hate because of genetics. It's the truth.
BRAD PITT I find it easier to write in the winter in Melbourne. When the weather is good you want to go out fo...
ADRIAN MCKINTY I don't have many friends. It's not because I'm a misanthrope. It's because I'm ...
IAN RANKIN I was told I would never make it because I'm too short. Well, I'm still too short. It doesn&...
KIRBY PUCKETT The hardest part of acting is not when I'm acting, It's when I'm not.
DAKOTA GOYO I always said there's no way I'd work in America because I'm too weird and I'm too o...
TAMSIN GREIG I'm like a tourist when I'm in London.
ERIN O'CONNOR It's raining my soul, it's raining, but it's raining dead eyes.
GUILLAUME APOLLINAIRE Criticism in good faith is good. When it's targeted solely to destruction, I'm not intereste...
ANDREA BOCELLI I love driving, but sometimes, I'm not too good at it because I spend too much time looking in t...
ASHLEY OLSEN Everyone has that friend who's every day, like, 'I hate my nose, I hate my nose, I hate my n...
LAUREN CONRAD I don't hate humanity and I'm not interested in people who do. Although, it's funny, act...
ELIZABETH GILBERT I don't want to go to the Bahamas on holiday. I hate islands. I want to go to Brittany, where it...
JULIE DELPY I hate jealousy, I hate possessiveness. I'm nobody's possession.
OLGA KURYLENKO People ask me where I live most of the time, and it's kind of complicated for me to answer, beca...
VINCENT CASSEL Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER If you're in California, and it's raining, stay home because nobody can drive in the rain. I...
ADAM FERRARA In London, the weather would affect me negatively. I react strongly to light. If it is cloudy and ra...
JERZY KOSINSKI When something's good, I'm not an over-celebrator.
DANE COOK I work best inundated with things, when it's like raining information.
RYAN SEACREST I despise - I hate - I'm terrified of karaoke, and I wish I wasn't because everybody I know ...
BEN FELDMAN I'm leaving the screen because I don't think I am very good in the pictures and I have this ...
HELEN HAYES I'm not very social when I'm off the promo trail, because I step into wife and mother mode. ...
TORI AMOS I'm not on chef level, but I'd make a good line cook. That's not too shabby.
JON FAVREAU When I say, 'I'm sorry,' it's because I regret something.
LUIS SUAREZ I liked Germany; I'm not into Berlin, it's too huge and empty and imposing, but Munich was g...
GRAHAM COXON The problem is I'm not a good photographer. To be perfectly honest, I'm too shy. Not aggress...
BILL CUNNINGHAM If I'm alone too long I think too much, and I'm not interested in doing that. That won't...
LISA MARIE PRESLEY The truth is, I'm not a coper. I hate stress. I might appear calm externally but internally it&#...
ALEX KINGSTON I hate bullies. I hate them. I'm not good enough with words to describe how much I hate them.
ANDREW VACHSS I'm not very good at time off. I'm happier when I'm working. It's something to do wi...
EMILIA FOX I'm not a big fan of cold weather; that's why I moved to Vegas!
DAVE KEUNING I'm at the stage in my pregnancy where I don't feel pregnant. You feel very, 'Oh yeah, I...
KELLY STABLES I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.
BETTE MIDLER I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN I'm good in summer. My birthday is in summer. I don't like it when it's too hot, but, yo...
GEORGE EZRA I curate my life in a way. It's always playing on my mind, kind of a love-hate relationship. I&#...
LORDE If there's anything I hate more than not being taken seriously, it's being taken too serious...
BILLY WILDER I'm not a good loser. I get sick physically... I take it to heart. I hate it.
PAT SUMMITT When I was flying to Rome, we flew over London; I felt like bursting into tears. It's part of me...
ROBERT PATTINSON The thing I hate most is false modesty. The artists who are, like, 'Oh, you know, I'm really...
RUFUS WAINWRIGHT I'm not good with catty girls. I'm too laid-back.
VANESSA HUDGENS I'm a musician. It's what I do! I wouldn't be too good at anything else.
CHAD SMITH I'm not particularly a football fan, but I live in north London, and I can hear when Arsenal sco...
MIKE NEWELL I tend to stay up late, not because I'm partying but because it's the only time of the day w...
JIM CARREY My wife is completely different from me: she's good with everyone, whereas I'm good at direc...
FOREST WHITAKER I attract a crowd, not because I'm an extrovert or I'm over the top or I'm oozing with c...
GARY VAYNERCHUK I hate going out in Brighton now. It's different in London. People respect you more there.
KATIE PRICE I'm telling you, it's so exciting playing out there because I'm playing well, you have t...
STEFAN EDBERG I live in Selfridges because it has everything under one roof. Liberty's is great for the same r...
SHERIDAN SMITH I have social anxiety. It's easier up on stage because there's security in being there. When...
SIA Managing is a tough job. When you're young, you just think it's a natural progression - I...
CAROL BARTZ Cycling is a great way to learn about your city. I love being outdoors, especially in good weather, ...
ERIN O'CONNOR Cycling is a great way to learn about your city. I love being outdoors, especially in good weather, ...
ERIN O'CONNOR I'm just glad my gold medal's at home, because I'd hate to try to win another.
CAITLYN JENNER Oddly enough, I'm not religious but I'm also very fond of St Peter's in Rome. When I'...
JONATHAN PRYCE I've got a couple of bands that I'm working on. The one I'm really excited about, we'...
SAMUEL LARSEN I'm a good little middle-class boy. I live in Gloucestershire or Kensington. I don't exist i...
NICK LOVE I made the decision when I came to Seagram that it had to be OK that my public persona would be bad....
EDGAR BRONFMAN, JR. It's always on everyone's list, like, 'What's New Orleans like?' I think people ...
SUNG KANG I'm pretty confident about my sobriety, but I don't want to get too confident because that&#...
MARY DOCTER I'm not a great actor - let's face it. I don't have a great deal of scope. There are cer...
STEVE MCQUEEN I'm based in London now. I'm renting an apartment, making my own little home. It's great...
SAMANTHA MUMBA I love to get a massage but I'm quite a baby with it. I don't like them too hard or anyone w...
LARA STONE Don't take your toys inside just because it's raining.
CHER While I love to read contemporary fiction, I'm not drawn to writing it. Perhaps it's because...
GERALDINE BROOKS I'm not an elitist. I hate the fashion industry sometimes because it becomes so focused on the e...
NICOLA FORMICHETTI It's overkill when you put too much fragrance on. It's the worst. Not sexy, and it makes me ...
BEHATI PRINSLOO I've always said that one night, I'm going to find myself in some field somewhere, I'm s...
DREW BARRYMORE Being a pop star is something I don't think I'm very good at. I'm worried it's makin...
LAURA MVULA But I think it's hard for me to only put out one record a year. Because I get too antsy. But it&...
TY SEGALL Are you taking us to the beach?" - Dan Cahill
JUDE WATSON Let's head out to the ruins." - Dan Cahill
ROLAND SMITH Because I'm a designer, I'm quite good when I shop. I know what I'm looking for.
OZWALD BOATENG I'll make a horrible housewife. It's not like I'm disgusting, but I'm pretty bad abo...
CAMILLA LUDDINGTON I can't just wear whatever when I go out because somebody might want to take a picture. People a...
BRYSON TILLER I hate the taste of alcohol. When I'm drinking, I'm drinking Red Bull.
PARIS HILTON I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE I can tell you that you will have your hearts broken more by the people you love than by the people ...
MARGARET PETERSON HADDIX Filming is always a challenge because I'm not used to it. But I approach it head-on. I'm not...
MARTIN PARR You know, I'm not really any good at working out when people are flirting with me. And I think I...
JOSH HARTNETT Everything is global now. It's not London, it's not Spain, it's not Italy - everything i...
MANOLO BLAHNIK Maybe it's because I was too much reality, but I'm not interested in seeing too much reality...
DENNIS FARINA I wear black because I'm comfortable in it. But then in the summertime when it's hot I'm...
JOHNNY CASH I don't really do glasses. It's a good look, but I'm not big on wearing clear glasses fo...
TREY SONGZ The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX It's very normal - when you're not used to the world of the high wire, it's very normal ...
PHILIPPE PETIT

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX