The last time I flew with him was a year ago, and I definitely did not see the kind of person who to...
ARTHUR MARX He's such a good actor and he loves the Groucho character so much he made a study of him.
ARTHUR MARX (My father) he would be surprised to know he was still popular today, ... He told me, when he was qu...
ARTHUR MARX People would ask me, 'Is he as funny at home as he is in the movies?' ... I would have to answer, 'W...
ARTHUR MARX Greek philosophy seems to have met with something with which a good tragedy is not supposed to meet,...
KARL MARX The country that is more developed industrially only shows, to the less developed, the image of its ...
KARL MARX It is not history which uses men as a means of achieving - as if it were an individual person - its ...
KARL MARX History does nothing; it does not possess immense riches, it does not fight battles. It is men, real...
KARL MARX From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.
KARL MARX Capital is dead labor, which, vampire-like, lives only by sucking living labor, and lives the more, ...
KARL MARX If anything is certain, it is that I myself am not a Marxist.
KARL MARX The theory of Communism may be summed up in one sentence: Abolish all private property.
KARL MARX Democracy is the road to socialism.
KARL MARX Social progress can be measured by the social position of the female sex.
KARL MARX I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The writer may very well serve a movement of history as its mouthpiece, but he cannot of course crea...
KARL MARX Without doubt, machinery has greatly increased the number of well-to-do idlers.
KARL MARX There is a specter haunting Europe, the specter of Communism.
KARL MARX Capital is reckless of the health or length of life of the laborer, unless under compulsion from soc...
KARL MARX Religion is the opium of the masses.
KARL MARX The human being is in the most literal sense a political animal, not merely a gregarious animal, but...
KARL MARX A specter is haunting Europe - the specter of communism.
KARL MARX The English have all the material requisites for the revolution. What they lack is the spirit of gen...
KARL MARX Necessity is blind until it becomes conscious. Freedom is the consciousness of necessity.
KARL MARX Men's ideas are the most direct emanations of their material state.
KARL MARX The first requisite for the happiness of the people is the abolition of religion.
KARL MARX Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of it...
KARL MARX For the bureaucrat, the world is a mere object to be manipulated by him.
KARL MARX Religion is the impotence of the human mind to deal with occurrences it cannot understand.
KARL MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX In the house in Beverly Hills where our four children grew up, living conditions were a few thousand...
HARPO MARX In 1944 James Arthur and Minnie Susan were added to the Marx household.
HARPO MARX In the fall of 1943 we brought home our second son, whom we named Alexander.
HARPO MARX Susan, an only child who never had any roots, and I, a lone wolf who got married 20 years to late, w...
HARPO MARX Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.
HARPO MARX I was the same kind of father as I was a harpist - I played by ear.
HARPO MARX The product of mental labor - science - always stands far below its value, because the labor-time ne...
KARL MARX I'm happy, I would say that I'm one of the happiest people I know but I've certainly had...
RICHARD MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX High heels weren't always a girl thing. In the fifteen-hundreds, the riding shoes of French nobl...
PATRICIA MARX New York is rich in culture, cuisine, and commerce.
PATRICIA MARX I do not find the concept of consorting with unknown persons appealing.
PATRICIA MARX I don't really care that much about eating. But I like impressing people with how good a cook I ...
PATRICIA MARX I think I began to like writing a lot more, and to be a better writer, when I did it for a while alo...
PATRICIA MARX Unless you're a salesman, or a bad guest on a talk show, you don't call someone by his name ...
PATRICIA MARX Everyone thinks that 'Chinatown' is the best screenplay. I'm not sure it is.
PATRICIA MARX For somebody who is a journalist, I can be awfully unobservant sometimes.
PATRICIA MARX I'm a goody-goody. I'm the person who sits in the back row, makes fun of the teacher, and se...
PATRICIA MARX I write the shopping column. I think I've proven my superficiality.
PATRICIA MARX Being serious just makes me a little bit embarrassed.
PATRICIA MARX The Chinese are no slouches when it comes to capitalism.
PATRICIA MARX It's better to spend a lot on a getup you love than a fraction of that on something, or even fiv...
PATRICIA MARX Males have probably always enjoyed watching the defeat of other males, but without the invention of ...
PATRICIA MARX Perhaps the most mysterious of all mammals is the male Homo sapiens. Indeed, many anthropologists cl...
PATRICIA MARX 'Couch surfing' refers to the practice of temporarily lodging with a stranger - free of char...
PATRICIA MARX Men still wear cologne, but I wish they wouldn't. No matter what you may believe, all men's ...
PATRICIA MARX One false word, one extra word, and somebody's thinking about how they have to buy paper towels ...
PATRICIA MARX New York may be the city that never sleeps, but Shanghai doesn't even sit down, and not just bec...
PATRICIA MARX I fell off stage and bruised some ribs. The worst part was that the audience didn't realize I wa...
RICHARD MARX It is not the consciousness of men that determines their being, but, on the contrary, their social b...
KARL MARX Hegel remarks somewhere that all great world-historic facts and personages appear, so to speak, twic...
KARL MARX Nothing has changed in Russias policy. Her methods, her tactics, her maneuvers may change, but the p...
KARL MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX One time Robert Plant was set to check into the same room after I checked out, so I removed every li...
RICHARD MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX All social rules and all relations between individuals are eroded by a cash economy, avarice drags P...
KARL MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX The Tories in England had long imagined that they were enthusiastic about the monarchy, the church a...
KARL MARX In the domain of Political Economy, free scientific inquiry meets not merely the same enemies as in ...
KARL MARX As in private life one differentiates between what a man thinks and says of himself and what he real...
KARL MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX The ideas of the ruling class are in every epoch the ruling ideas, i.e. the class which is the rulin...
KARL MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX We should not say that one man's hour is worth another man's hour, but rather that one man during an...
KARL MARX From the outset, the Christian was the theorizing Jew, the Jew is therefore the practical Christian,...
KARL MARX Religion is the sign of the oppressed creature, the sentiment of a heartless world, and the soul of ...
KARL MARX In communist society, where nobody has one exclusive sphere of activity but each can become accompli...
KARL MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX The bourgeoisie cannot exist without constantly revolutionizing the instruments of production, and t...
KARL MARX The bourgeoisie, wherever it has got the upper hand, has put an end to all feudal, patriarchal, idyl...
KARL MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX In a higher phase of communist society, after the enslaving subordination of the individual to the d...
KARL MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX The philosophers have only interpreted the world, in various ways. The point, however, is to ...
KARL MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX The bourgeoisie, by the rapid improvement of all instruments of production, by the immensely facilit...
KARL MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Medicine heals doubts as well as diseases.
KARL MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful busine...
KARL MARX It is absolutely impossible to transcend the laws of nature. What can change in historically differe...
KARL MARX The policy of Russia is changeless. Its methods, its tactics, its maneuvers may change, but the pola...
KARL MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.
KARL MARX The philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways; the point, however, is to change i...
KARL MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX The theory of the Communists may be summed up in the single sentence: Abolition of private property.
KARL MARX A specter is haunting Europe -- the specter of communism.
KARL MARX All I know is I'm not a Marxist.
KARL MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX The ideas of the ruling class are in every epoch the ruling ideas, i.e., the class which is the ruli...
KARL MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Experience praises the most happy the one who made the most people happy.
KARL MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX Men make their own history, but they do not make it just as they please; they do not make it under c...
KARL MARX The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles.
KARL MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX A commodity appears at first sight an extremely obvious, trivial thing. But its analysis brings out ...
KARL MARX From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need.
KARL MARX Constant revolutionizing of production distinguish the bourgeois epoch from all earlier ones. All fi...
KARL MARX Mankind always sets itself only such tasks as it can solve; since, looking at the matter more closel...
KARL MARX Colonial system, public debts, heavy taxes, protection, commercial wars, etc., these offshoots of th...
KARL MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX Landlords, like all other men, love to reap where they never sowed.
KARL MARX Natural science will in time incorporate into itself the science of man, just as the science of man ...
KARL MARX The product of mental labor -- science -- always stands far below its value, because the labor-time ...
KARL MARX In every revolution there intrude, at the side of its true agents, men of a different stamp; some of...
KARL MARX Let the ruling classes tremble at a Communist revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose, but...
KARL MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Nothing can have value without being an object of utility.
KARL MARX Women are the only exploited group in history to have been idealized into powerlessness.
KARL MARX Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
KARL MARX From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.
KARL MARX The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain.
KARL MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX Civil servants and priests, soldiers and ballet-dancers, schoolmasters and police constables, Greek ...
KARL MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you... When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you... When I kisse...
CHICO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX I am greatly pleased with the public, authentic isolation in which we two, you and I, now find ourse...
KARL MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX It never ceases to amaze me that I get to do this for a living.
RICHARD MARX Capital is money, capital is commodities. By virtue of it being value, it has acquired the occult ab...
KARL MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Machines were, it may be said, the weapon employed by the capitalists to quell the revolt of special...
KARL MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX Capitalist production, therefore, develops technology, and the combining together of various process...
KARL MARX The development of civilization and industry in general has always shown itself so active in the des...
KARL MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX On a level plain, simple mounds look like hills; and the insipid flatness of our present bourgeoisie...
KARL MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX Society does not consist of individuals but expresses the sum of interrelations, the relations withi...
KARL MARX In a higher phase of communist society... only then can the narrow horizon of bourgeois right be ful...
KARL MARX In bourgeois society capital is independent and has individuality, while the living person is depend...
KARL MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX The writer must earn money in order to be able to live and to write, but he must by no means live an...
KARL MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX The meaning of peace is the absence of opposition to socialism.
KARL MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX The ruling ideas of each age have ever been the ideas of its ruling class.
KARL MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX