People would ask me, 'Is he as funny at home as he is in the movies?' ... I would have to answer, 'Well, he can be funny. But he is also very serious. He has insomnia and if we him up early, he would bawl the hell out of me.'


Arthur Marx

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When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you... When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you... When I kisse...
CHICO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX
I am greatly pleased with the public, authentic isolation in which we two, you and I, now find ourse...
KARL MARX
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
It never ceases to amaze me that I get to do this for a living.
RICHARD MARX
Capital is money, capital is commodities. By virtue of it being value, it has acquired the occult ab...
KARL MARX
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
Machines were, it may be said, the weapon employed by the capitalists to quell the revolt of special...
KARL MARX
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX
Capitalist production, therefore, develops technology, and the combining together of various process...
KARL MARX
The development of civilization and industry in general has always shown itself so active in the des...
KARL MARX
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
On a level plain, simple mounds look like hills; and the insipid flatness of our present bourgeoisie...
KARL MARX
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
Society does not consist of individuals but expresses the sum of interrelations, the relations withi...
KARL MARX
In a higher phase of communist society... only then can the narrow horizon of bourgeois right be ful...
KARL MARX
In bourgeois society capital is independent and has individuality, while the living person is depend...
KARL MARX
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX
The writer must earn money in order to be able to live and to write, but he must by no means live an...
KARL MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
The meaning of peace is the absence of opposition to socialism.
KARL MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX
The ruling ideas of each age have ever been the ideas of its ruling class.
KARL MARX
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX