If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.

Insanity is hereditary; you can get it from your children

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m heaven’s landscape painter.

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

I'd die for your sins, but I'd probably enjoy them first